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Summer_Twilight
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01 Dec 2016, 2:48 pm

Hi:
I have always been a pretty straight forward person and when someone does something that bothers me, I tend to speak up. However, it doesn't always come out in a nice and gentle fashion. Rather, I speak whatever is on my mind that comes across in a very angry tone. I recently had someone use me for something not too long ago and I would like to ask how what I could say.



Campin_Cat
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01 Dec 2016, 4:01 pm

Firstly, I would suggest that you do NOT go into this, with ANY expectations (ie. expecting an apology, acknowledgement of wrongdoing; or, even that they'll listen). They COULD, very well, try to turn it around on YOU, and blame you somehow, in some way.

Secondly, if you ONLY just want it to be known that you know what they did (meaning, you have NO expectations), I would suggest just simply saying: "I just wanted to let you know that I consider what you did, to be your using me----and, it will NOT happen again." Then, if they start on some crap about: "No, you misunderstood", "No, it wasn't like that", "Well, I wouldn't have done that, if you hadn't...", I would just put-up my palm (as a Stop sign), and say: "I've spoken my peace", and then turn on my heel and walk-away.

It CAN be successful----I've done it, myself; and, I was very lucky in that the person didn't even try to fight me, on it.





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Shahunshah
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01 Dec 2016, 4:05 pm

Well what have you got to lose?

Confronting can be a good thing, in the past when people have trampled on me confronting worked as it made me feel good for having stood my ground. It also might serve to make the other person aware of their actions and maybe apologies what they have done. In my advice do exactly what will make you feel better.



hurtloam
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01 Dec 2016, 4:14 pm

From what I've read about communication in this area it seems that the best way is to explain how what they did made you feel. I.e. When you did x it made me feel y because (whatever the reason was). That's just saying facts rather than attacking the person.

An example might be, "when you keep expecting me to pick your son up from soccer practice every Tuesday without thinking about whether I might have something else on that night it makes me feel like I am being taken for granted. I feel like you don't care about what I do in my own time."

In situations like this I Google the term "communication without blame" and read through what comes up.



Shahunshah
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01 Dec 2016, 4:16 pm

I would say list down all the reasons this person used you and how they made you feel and then go on and confront the person in a tone which is controlled yet assertive.