horismoku11 wrote:
You sound like me in high school. I'm 29. I eventually started drinking at the parties because I felt I was more connected to the other people. But in reality I wasn't. I was just making problems for myself later in life. Now I wish I didn't try to fit in so hard with other people. I should have just stayed at home and practiced guitar. But, I was lonely and wanted nothing more than to be normal. I wasn't thinking of bettering myself. I just wanted to be like everyone else. And that has caused me the most issues. Trying to not be me and fit in with other people. It sucks. I feel at times that's all I want in life, is a place to fit in. A group of people I can always call friends. I'm still looking for that.
Ironically I had a bunch of friends I could relate to when I was in high school... now that I've grown up and all those friends scattered around the world, I can't find anyone I can call friends...
To tell you the truth I'm ok being alone most of the time, but I wonder sometimes maybe I should have some human interaction... and then I attempt socializing but ends up in a disaster as in me being feeling horrible and exhausted.
What I want to say is that... is it weird that I crave human connection but avoid people at the same time?