Are you afraid of having guests?

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A thousand times I've contemplated inviting friends over to my place for dinner, but I can't muster up the courage to do so. I'm too afraid they'll judge me for my decor, or the food I serve (or don't serve). I'm afraid if I do invite them over, they'll come, and never want to come back again, that maybe they'll discover they don't like me.

Do you all deal with these same fears?

yeah. my biggest worries when it comes to having people come over is my family...and my dog. both of whom can be seriously embarrassing, dad especially. preferably, my family would be out of town and they wouldn't be an issue, in which case my doggie then becomes less of a problem.

that, and i just like being away from home as often as i can.

and, of course, there can be the fear that they'll be bored out of their skull when they're here, but if i really had no idea of anything to do at that time, i wouldn't have had invited them.

i always like going to other people's houses, and keeping mine a secret.

If they're friends they won't really care about the food etc.
They're coming to enjoy your company.
If you struggle with organisation, ask them to help you.
Or you can ask everyone to bring a plate (that's food to share, not just an actual plate).

If all else fails...ply them with alcohol

It’s not that I don’t have the courage to invite somebody, but I know (from bitter experience) that I will most probably regret it once I’ve done it. As soon as I’ve made an appointment with someone, I get tense and can’t relax/feel “free” until it's over. Plus, I am exposed to their mercy when it comes to leaving … And once they’ve been at my house, they know where I live and might stop by unannounced.
"Once invited, the vampire cannot be uninvited, unless the ownership of the house changes."

do you ever feel a sense of dread or impending doom, in the moments leading up to an appointment made with someone?

even if you like the person and have a strong relationship with him/her? i do. all the time.

No, the closest friends (not that many of them...) don't care about the mess, one's even messier than me and although I can see "it's a mess" in his place, do I care when I visit him? No. I dread of having any acquaintances in the house though as I do feel judged in a way. I also don't like people staying longer than just one-two days, the need to organize towels, bedding, meals, all sorts... it's just stressful. I can't have any alone time either...

Afraid? Not really, but I do usually get stressed when guests are coming over, especially if I don't know the exact time when they'll come. I don't want to be in the middle of something when the doorbell rings, but I also don't want to sit around doing nothing while waiting for the guests to appear... but I still rather invite guests over to my apartment than visit other people's homes; it's always been that way for me. I mean when I still lived with my parents and guests came over, I could always go to my room if I got tired of socializing. If it was my guest, as in a friend from school or something similiar, I always knew when they would leave since I lived in the countryside where you could only get around with a car, so my friends always set up a time beforehand when their parents would pick them up. I never liked going over to their houses since while I more or less knew how to act around my friends so I won't upset them, I didn't know their families that well or the rules of their homes and was (and still am) stressed about breaking some rules I didn't know about.

Yes, except for the decor. If they're shallow enough to judge me for my decor, I won't let them in the door to begin with.

Also, I hate having my personal space invaded.



A lot of that as well. The vampire metaphor is great.



Yes.

eek. in my case, it tends to go away once i actually see the person and interact with him/her, then after we go our separate ways i want to be left alone the rest of the day.

maybe for others, the feeling of dread persists. does it persist, for you?

I get nervous about people coming round ,although I have no friends so it's just the occasional family member.
The whole knowing what to do and upping my game to be social just seems too daunting.
Offering drinks,feeding them (I scarcely cook for myself)- if you are getting snacks what snacks to buy.

My place is disorganised and quite messy a lot of the time.
That contributes to the paranoiac/social anxiety "people are going to think badly of me " "I'm going to disgrace myself"
type thoughts.
It's hard for me to think people might like me irrespective of all that.

Then to top it all off there is the big issue of knowing what to say, making small talk.

Rarely, but it does happen. Usually I settle down and relax because if I've reached the point where I'm actually organising social events with someone, it's because I really enjoy their company. I find it helps to organise an activity rather than rely on improvisation. A bit of structure and purpose helps me keep calm.

I'm with you on wanting to be left alone for the rest of the day, no matter how much fun I've had.

Yes. I live on campus and have a single room which is way too cozy for company unless it's someone I'm really comfortable with. Of note: the TV is out of necessity at the foot of my bed, so two people would have to sit hip to hip or one behind the other in order to watch it. Also, I have an entire shelf of My Little Pony plushes.

At home, my mom and I both have executive dysfunction and my siblings are lazy so the house is always a disaster. To add to that, we have a geriatric Pekingese who refuses to use pee pads. The 10 week old puppy we just got has more manners than him.

yes, indubitably. improvisation is exhausting and i very much fear i will suggest something the other will hate. in cases like those embarrassment is more stinging than usual, so structure is very calming. i hate wasting time thinking of things to do on the spot. i've had a few experiences where i've organized an event with someone, only to have them reject the plans at the last minute when we've met up, throwing the entire plan out of whack and leaving me confused and somewhat near panic.



gotta recharge the batteries



i read that as "my mom and i both have erectile dysfunction".

it took me more than one look to get it right.