I'm The Friend Nobody Likes

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Today is my twenty-first birthday. Plenty of people wrote on my Facebook wall- people I haven't talked to in years, coworkers, siblings, and distant relatives. But the people I had considered my friends, the people I'm in a groupchat with and invited to my party in a few days, didn't say anything anywhere. It's not that they forgot, as I talked about my birthday being today four days ago. I just don't think it was on their mind in the first place.

Me and these friends go back to highschool. I met my boyfriend through this mutual friend group. Up until a few years ago I didn't suspect anything. But then I found that they'd made a second groupchat with all the same people as the first, except me. My boyfriend showed me when they added him. The top message was "Is this the groupchat to exclude (my name)? Good idea."

Then these friends got my boyfriend drunk and convinced him to break up with me (until he sobered up). None of them apologized, but voluntarily told me they like me and are my friends.

I'm looking for advice on how to let go of these friends immediately, how to stop feeling angry (i sometimes wish for bad things to happen to these people) and how to not be the friend nobody likes in the future?

Has this happened to anybody else?

I hope your birthday has had some joy and may you have many happy returns. Welcome to Wrong Planet. I am sorry to hear of the shameful way these "friends" have behaved; you could maybe decide to explore new ways of making new friends, perhaps, like MeetUp.Com, where there is something for everyone. It was my solution to a similar problem a few years ago. People who don't value you add nothing to your life and don't deserve your attention. And the old saying - about what people do being a more reliable guide to their character than what they say - is possibly your best guide to detecting false friends. Wishing you a much happier year ahead.

I hope you had a nice birthday at least. Those people sound horribly toxic. Your boyfriend is in the wrong for hanging out with them after that, if he respected you he would stand up for you, not get drunk with a bunch of toxic people who don't like you. This makes him seem toxic himself and a bit childish, if he loves you then he won't hang around with those losers since they tried to make him break up with you which is really f****d up, like that's REALLY bad. If he pulls these antics again then maybe just get rid of him. Don't put up with this rubbish, don't let them make you out to be some idiot. Put your foot down and don't stand for it, you deserve respect just like any other person.

What I would suggest you do is make nicer friends, perhaps even older people because clearly these ones are children. You seem more mentally mature so you'd probably fare better with an older audience, like mid 20's or more. I would recommend going to the gym for the anger problem, it really helps a lot to get frustration out because it's excess energy you could do without. Meetup.com is really good as B19 suggested, definitely try it at least. You will learn how to become a better friend by hanging around with actual good people, not their crappy distorted toxic view. I bet they gossip and make drama about everyone. Not what you need.

Try to improve your social skills by throwing yourself into things way more, because social skills are what they say they are - a skill. You have to keep at it if you want to get better which is why meetup.com is a good tool.

Also since you've seen what they wrote why are you keeping them on your Facebook? Just block them from every social media account you have and ignore them in person. No need to talk to them, they've given you reason to want to get rid so just get rid. Act like you don't know them lol. This will make them mad because it's lack of attention for them. Toxic people thrive on attention so take that luxury away from them. If anyone asks you then just simply say, "I saw what they wrote about me and they aren't my friends. They're just two faced dramatic children." And don't let them back in your life no matter how much they beg and plead because they're toxic. Simple as. The fact they ignored you about your party speaks volumes. I know they've been your 'friends' since high school but it's the same with anything, if they are toxic people then don't bother. Even if they were actual family members then just get rid, I know plenty of people who got rid of their family for being toxic, it's quite common these days.

You will feel better for having them out of your life hun, no more worrying about them or wanting to be in their crappy circle of friends. They aren't your friends since they're horrendously fake. Good luck with it all, it sucks when this happens but you can get through it.

How awful and people just seem to keep getting meaner and meaner. Believe me, these people are not your friends but two-faced kids who are being nothing but bullies. It also means there is a quality about them that you probably have that they want. Otherwise they wouldn't be so obsessive of you.

What they are doing is a form of bullying by omission and bullying by implication which means that they are not only excluding you and sabotaging your relationships but they are also driving hints that you aren't wanted around. Now, I would keep an eye on their group chat and perhaps get screen shots of what they are saying about you. Maybe even show these screen shots to them whenever they lie about you and let them know. "You're actions speak louder otherwise. Unfortunately, you are not trustworthy friends and if you can't accept me for who I am then perhaps it's time to part way." Then just move on.

Ways to cope with anger:
1. There is a good guided meditation on "Releasing anger" on YouTube by the Honest Guys.
2. You also need to remember that you are not in control of their actions.

I also found this song that I think might make you feel better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTIBDuTxzUw

Just don't be friends with them and brake up with your boyfriend. Get totally new friends and find a new boyfriend that will treat you nice and lovely and not like dirt. Because you're probably a nice and pretty woman. You don't need those people. You need nice people like us and other people to help you out.