Leaving a social situation - what are clues its time to go?

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I have always had trouble knowing when its time to leave a social situation. I need something really clear like a set start and end time or someone saying very specifically that its closing time or that its time to go.

How do we know when its time to leave a social situation?

If you are in someone's house, how do you know when they want you to go?

If you are in a group and meeting in a cafe or something, what are the signs that people make when they are wanting to go home now?

I really struggle with this and on some occasions I have stayed too long because I don't know how long is long enough.

How short is too short a time?

Any advice would be appreciated here.

I have problems with this too.

I ask them questions like 'Until when do you have time?' or 'What time do you need to leave?' or 'Is it OK that I am taking up your time like this? Let me know if I'm taking up too much of your time.' And they'd usually politely let me know their limits...I respect their limits and politely take leave in return...

With the people who I know reasonably well, they know I have AS, so I just say to them, in a light-hearted way. 'I'm not good at non-verbal communication so if you want to get rid of me, just let me know!' This way, they know that I need them to tell me when to leave, but it also makes them laugh or smile too as I have phrased it in a light-hearted way.

With people I don't know, I try to do what sunnycat does. I also try to look for the obvious non-verbal things like yawning, looking at clocks or watches, fidgeting more than usual, trying to cut off my conversation etc.

Thanks sunnycat and girl700, these are very helpful.

I have never connected this idea with non-verbal communication, I think we have a book on this kind of thing somewhere in our home, so I might look there too

Usually when other people start leaving, I get up and make my exit, too.

When you go to visit someone at their house you plan ahead of time and pick out an approximate time you want to leave. When that time comes you can say, " I have another stop to make" or "I have someone else I have to go visit, and I don't want to be too late."

Make sure you have your script written out in your head.

You could also say, "It's getting late and I have the get up early tomorrow for work (school). So I better head on home. I'll talk to you guys later".

These are all great ideas for me.

How do I know when they want me to leave if I haven't gone with a group? this is my main problem. In a group, its easy to tell because lots of people have usually gone.

Very good, I do that myself. But I've realized that (at least in my case) it seems to make people feel uncomfortable sometimes. Not all the time though, but I believe it's because they're not used to take themselves the responsability of having me with them; It's like "If I stay or go, is up to you" (Of course if it's really so; if I do have to go, I grab my stuff and leave) but they problably take it as "You don't want me to be here? OK. If you want me to leave, I'll go". Anyway, I do it for respect and politeness, and sometimes I even get something like "No, stay a little longer please"

You just have to try to be considerate of ones time, when you realize that the conversation spark just isnt there because people are getting bored or its late, just let them know you have to go, its usually never weird if your honest and sincere.

When people are bored they kind of just sit back and dont talk as much, maybe playing with their phone or gazing around. But see, if this person were that bored why make themselves suffer and sit around, wouldnt you leave if you were bored? If your not bored and having a good time then im sure the people your talking to are too, so dont be so worried about taking up too much of their time. If they have somewhere to be theylle let you know honestly and sincerely, if their bored and are nice people, theylle at least come up with some credible reasons to book it as to not make you worry, so take their word for it and carry on.

Usually letting people know that youlle leave whenever they want kinda gives off the vibe that your needy and very self concious, and sorry to say many people dont like this type of vibe. If kinda can make conversations go weird places and feel awkward, so just be come up with some good reasons(not that hard) to leave if your bored, and have a good time while your hanging out with friends.

Thats very interesting because I know someone like this and they keep making reasons to stay but I and other people don't always have the time and we almost have to push the person into the car to make them leave

I am a lot better than I was but because I feel unsure I tend to leave it to the other person or people I am with and wait for signs, but I get it wrong and sometimes I even mistake a casual remark for them wanting me to go or us to leave a place.

Sometimes I have even shown quite clearly, without knowing it myself, that I am bored but thats another thing I am learning to control now.

I feel like just closing the front door and never going out again sometimes.

Interesting how? That hes not self conscious, maybe he too has AS or something? He does sound very needy. Ive even had some NT friends like this and to be honest, I didnt need him out of my house, I was just annoyed and bored by him. I just ended up picking on him a while(we were good friends) about his bum-ish behavior so I wasnt as bored. I think everyone runs into these situations but what can ya do other than try to do your best at being nice and considerate, although even i can stray from this road, but hey, it was like 3 am and he had been at my house since like noon the day before!.

The person I know never got invited to my house because I knew that he would never leave. They kept asking if they could come for a meal and meet the family, but I already knew they were clingy and didn't ask them home.

Sometimes when people seem to want me to leave (they say things like "gee, I've got to get going now," or "okay well I guess that's it for now,") but then they'll suddenly start talking to me more, chat chat chat, and asking me questions and stuff. Then fifteen minutes have gone by and I'm not sure if they've changed their minds or what, until it's been half an hour and finally there's an uncomfortable silence and I figure out they're telling me to go. It's frustrating. Why do people do that?

Yes, exactly, so illogical, no wonder we don't know what to do.

Here's another wrinkle to the situation: How do you avoid OVER compensating, by leaving too early because you assume nobody ever wants you around?

I've used the 'reject them before they reject you' strategy most of my life, only to find out later that some people thought I was cold and unfriendly because I seemed to be always looking for the slightest excuse to part company.

I think this is the position I am in now, I am always looking out for the clues as when to go and when I go to a college canteen or somewhere like that, I often decide to wait until I am asked before I join a group or wait until I am included in a conversation and then sit wondering when to go, though usually I am saved from the problem by our tutor stating that we must all be back in class by a certain time.

NTs seem to get all of this stuff as if they are programmed already.