Joined: 20 Jun 2014 Age: 61 Gender: Male Posts: 6,118 Location: Brigham City, Utah
16 Jan 2018, 7:16 pm
starkid wrote:
Does the likelihood of failure or bad social mistakes make you feel that trying to socialize is stupid for you to do?
When I fail at it, yes. Most of the time, I mask quite well; but, I still find slight faults at my perceived ability.
_________________ Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)
Joined: 10 Aug 2015 Gender: Female Posts: 2,820 Location: Torchwood Three
18 Jan 2018, 2:01 pm
Yes. Sometimes I wonder why I even try and why I never seem to learn from bad experiences.
_________________ "Have you never seen something so mad, so extraordinary... That just for one second, you think that there might be more out there?" -Gwen Cooper, Torchwood
Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Gender: Female Posts: 8,743 Location: Eyjafjallajökull
18 Jan 2018, 2:09 pm
YES
I find it really difficult to find things to say. It's even difficult to keep saying things in response to what the other person is saying when they lead the conversation.
Joined: 13 May 2011 Age: 55 Gender: Male Posts: 13,144 Location: The end of the northwest passage
18 Jan 2018, 2:40 pm
starkid wrote:
Does the likelihood of failure or bad social mistakes make you feel that trying to socialize is stupid for you to do?
Only when I think I can do everything right, every time.
Also, I typically find that I've held my breath when I've thought that thought.
_________________ "I find that the best way [to increase self-confidence] is to lie to yourself about who you are, what you've done, and where you're going." - Richard Ayoade
Yes. I just posted something similar to this actually. I feel moronic in public places in general, like I just emanate stupidity and ignorance. I feel like I'm off with my environment, and when I converse with people I get in really weird situations like long pauses or accidental staring. I look awkward to people apparently, like they make me uncomfortable. Some people try to take advantage of that, others feel like they are the problem when it is really me.
Joined: 2 Jul 2017 Age: 68 Gender: Male Posts: 1,788 Location: UK
19 Jan 2018, 5:32 am
I tend to stay quiet, then people call me... aloof, stand-offish, snobby, or just plain weird. If I do get animated and start talking a lot I get this image in my head that I'm just like a donkey braying.
_________________ Steve J
Unkind tongue, right ill hast thou me rendered For such desert to do me wreak and shame
Joined: 23 Mar 2015 Gender: Male Posts: 5,593 Location: Calne,England
19 Jan 2018, 5:48 am
I find initiating conversations very difficult. I'm the kind to sit in a corner and wait for someone to start talking to me. Then I'll respond as best I can. If it's casual/small talk I'll struggle . I guess I do feel quite stupid when socialising.
Joined: 22 Dec 2017 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 20
19 Jan 2018, 9:43 am
Im good at socalilzing (i think) with strangers. I just put on a smile and crack jokes and im the funny one.
Its with my actual friends i struggle with. They know the real me so i cant be fake. I usually dont know how to behave with them and these days i hardly even see them.
_________________ Disgnosed with Bipolar but I think asd fits much more accurately.
Im basically the kid that never grew up and never quite fit in.
Joined: 4 Feb 2014 Gender: Male Posts: 87,510 Location: Queens, NYC
19 Jan 2018, 10:07 am
I have learned that I'm not always going to be successful when I socialize---that I'm going to make a fool out of myself sometimes, and put my foot in my mouth sometimes.
When I was a kid and young man, I just shut up, and was a shut-in. I cared too much about what people thought of me.
When I got older, though, I took the attitude of----I'm as viable a person as anybody else. So what if somebody laughs at me. So what if I make mistakes. Making mistakes causes you to learn from those mistakes if you reflect on them.
I was tired of letting society dictate how I relate to people. I felt like I wanted to relate to people in my own way, and that I will seek not to offend anybody. If people are irritated with little faux pas or whatever, that's their problem.
Joined: 13 Jan 2018 Age: 61 Gender: Male Posts: 2,142 Location: California
19 Jan 2018, 1:40 pm
With informal, unfamiliar environments, "been there, done that!"
Now, I've developed that "sixth sense of sorts" to avoid such informal, unfamiliar environments. At very least, I know enough "to get by!" In some cases, the planned, more formal, and familiar environments, I can do quite well!
Joined: 7 Mar 2017 Age: 60 Gender: Male Posts: 1,325
19 Jan 2018, 9:38 pm
Not so much stupid as painfully artificial. As if I were socializing with a group of pilots/lesbians/policemen/etc. and trying to pretend to be one myself. Except I feel that way with almost everyone.
_________________ "Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."
Not not stupid, I feel awkward when I try to socialize and especially when I run into people who don't understand and don't want to.
Other times I feel bad or guilty for trying to socialize at all though I am an extrovert because I have had people walk away from me or laugh at the way I say things.
Joined: 20 Aug 2016 Age: 30 Gender: Male Posts: 1,336 Location: Finland
14 Feb 2018, 11:32 am
I wouldn't say I feel stupid trying to socialize, but I do relate to the fear of failure as far as social interaction is concerned. That's exactly why I try to socialize as much as I can - to overcome it.
_________________ “They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.” ― Kurt Cobain