How Have You Learned to Cope with Social Challenges?

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Socializing is no fun when you don't understand how to do it.

My childhood was not easy. There was no diagnosis for autism yet. In a small town school system, you were either on the "short bus" or not. I wasn't because I did well in class, but I was "different" so those bus rides meant getting picked on by the other kids. I didn't know how to carry on conversations. I would plan them out in my head, but they never went according to plan and I couldn't adapt. And I never realized that the other kids didn't want to talk about dinosaurs. I was (and am) clumsy, so I wasn't any good at sports. I was always the last one picked for a team. One day, I actually hit the ball and ran to first base. The whole game stopped while kids on both teams tried to convince me to step off the base so I could be tagged out. (Yes, my own team too!) Finally I stepped off the base and let them tag me just to get their attention off of me.

Adolescence was long and lonely. That's all I'm going to say about it.

When I was in my 20s, two things happened. First, I met a woman who was patient with me and I learned to talk to her. We eventually married, though it only lasted five years. Second, I had a job loading trucks, but I got promoted and eventually they wanted me to teach a class-- actually stand up in front of people and talk! I told them I couldn't. They said I had to. So they sent me to a training for public speaking where we practiced talking in front of people and got coached on how to do better. I learned to make eye contact. I taught that class, then went on to teach computer skills. I'm actually fairly good at speaking in front of people now, and I make eye contact in conversations.

I still don't read nonverbal cues. I still don't recognize faces. But I've noticed that I recognize people's shape and walk (gait). When I lived in a small town, I could see someone I knew walking in the other direction at Walmart and recognize them from the back. But if they change their hair, I can't recognize them by looking at their face.

In a social setting, I've gotten good at walking up to people I don't know and introducing myself. The conversation usually doesn't last long, but I can do it. I still don't retain most of what people tell me in conversation. I think there's just too much stimulus going on, trying to read their mood and think of what to say and stuff.

I can see that I've learned to overcome a lot of social challenges. I can also see that there are still challenges I have not overcome.

Has anyone else overcome social challenges, and if so, how?