ducklingintherough wrote:
How can I explain to my therapist that I don't want to make new friends and it really isn't the end of the world? I was diagnosed as having PDD-NOS at twelve and ASD level 1 at 20 (i'm just looking at some ancient neuropsych result papers and I didn't know there were levels??? That's kind of odd.) I'm not entirely sure I'm on the spectrum even with the past diagnoses because my therapist said I'm not on the spectrum. I'm actually seeing my therapist for my BPD. (Borderline) (is that important?) I'm 24 now. I only really have personal conversations with my boyfriend and my friend I grew up with. My friend told me two days ago she's moving across the country to California and it was really sudden. She's already left. My therapist has always spent a lot on time on the fact that I don't have more friends like it's a bad thing. Now it seems like she is bringing it up more and more and I keep trying to tell her that she's missing the point but she doesn't stop. She's not even asking about how I feel about my friend moving. She's just talking vaguely about how I need more connections because of it. This feels completely irrelevant and I don't understand at all. I'm sad right now because my best friend is leaving to go far away not because "oh boy! now i'm friendless except for my boyfriend! what will i ever do to recover the minus one?" I'm sad because it's her that I won't get to see anymore. (at least in the same familiar context of our street) I don't understand how my therapist views friends but i don't think she's seeing who I am regarding it all and it's frustrating. I told her that talking to new people (in person, online is different for me) honestly just makes me feel pure discomfort and I don't like to do it. It's not that I dislike people, I like them. I just don't want to make friends just to make friends. Or talk to people just to talk to them. If I happen to make a friend I'll cherish them forever and be loyal to them but it's a lot like falling in love for me. It doesn't happen because I leave the house with the objective "MAKE FRIENDS TODAY!" I don't have a lot of extra energy. I use my energy to maintain the relationships I already have. Relationships are difficult for me to manage. I really can't have too many at once. I am not a high energy person, when I have more than two important people I start to go bonkers and lose everything and I want to keep under control. I feel like I should be allowed to live authentically and not be judged. Does anyone else relate at all? If anyone has advice on how to approach my therapist on the matter I would really appreciate it!
You're the one missing the point. Whether you have borderline or ASD social skills are a weak point for you, by definition. The solution isn't to hide out from the challenge of making new friends, and the solution isn't to believe that because it's hard for you that means that you can't or shouldn't do it. You exactly should do what your therapist suggests. That's the point of therapy. To be in therapy and then come home and complain on the internet about how wrong your therapist is just wastes your time.
If you really can't trust your therapist, find another one. But assuming the borderline diagnosis is legitimate you ultimately trust very few people and even the ones you do trust are on thin ice, therefor it's not a great idea to think that your lack of trust means that other people are not trustworthy. More likely than not your lack of trust means that you compulsively struggle to trust, and that's all.
Challenge yourself. You can do this. Rise to the occasion.
06 Apr 2018, 10:00 am
