Speeding Up Friendship

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Because I go to a very hard college, I’m usually busy and my friends are too. Because of our class and heavy study schedules we don’t get to see each other that much (same for everyone at the school). That’s just kind of how it is. I don’t worry about it EXCEPT…

I met a new friend a month ago. I feel like we clicked pretty well. The problem is we only get together every so often and I’m trying to get to the point where we’re good friends before the summer. How do I do that without being weird? Also, thus far the ball has been in my court. He said he’s willing to do stuff, but it seems like I need to be the one to let him know when/what I want to hang. I want to be in a situation where this friend also proactive. But I can’t very well sit him down and try to create a friendship roadmap for us given I’ve only known this friend for a month. And I have to be aware that grades are super important at the school and everyone is competitive, so he has to hit the books too.

CONTEXT: After meeting a couple of times, we became FB friends. We hung out at an event at our school one weekend and saw a lot of each other (and had fun at the event and the bars after), even getting lunch offsite. Spring break got in the way after that. And we’ve had another lunch since then. Other than that, it’s just been a couple of text conversations that I initiated (but he was fully engaged in) following up on a recommendation he made during that second lunch.

I don’t want to always be the one asking to hang out, even if he’s likely to say yes. But at the same time I think we’d be really good friends once we get the ball rolling a little bit more. Ideally, we’d get together once or twice a week until finals start.

What should my next steps be?

Any suggestions?

One thing that i've done before is see where your schedules align and use that in your favor. You might already be beyond this with this relationship, but I'm going to go into detail on my tactics to get closer to people on campus. It was a bit easier than I thought!

Try to find a time when you're both on a break from classes. For example, if you share a class, then chat with him after as you're leaving and walk out with him. (I find that the best way is to make sure you're ready to go before he is, but then hang around to chat and leave when he's ready to leave. I feel like this communicates clearly that you value his company since you're waiting for him!) Then as you get out side, you would say like, "Which way are you headed?" "When's/where's your next class?" etc.

If neither of you have class right after, you can ask where he's going. If it's to a common area, even if it's to meet another friend, there's your opportunity to ask if you can tag along. In my experience, people usually don't mind. College tends to be a place where everyone wants to meet everyone's friends. If he says he's not sure where he's going, then you can suggest something, ask if he wants to go chill somewhere, get food, check out the XXX event, keep you company while you do homework, etc. If you're going somewhere specific like the bookstore or a hangout spot you like, then invite him to come along.

If he says he has to study, then he is probably saying he doesn't want you to follow him, but no worries - you can ask what he's doing after class again next time.

If he has class but you don't, just walk with him for most of the way (without walking him all the way to the door... lol). If you have class but he doesn't, he may walk with you for part of the way if he's headed in the same direction. If you both have class right after, then hopefully they are in the same general direction and you can walk together for a bit. When you part, you can also say something like, "Do you ever have a break between classes? i feel like we don't get to talk because we're always running to the next class" and see what he says.

If you both are going somewhere specific but your destinations aren't that closeby, you can always "hack" the situation a bit by taking the longer route to wherever you're headed in order to stay with your friend longer

I've found that walking around campus together is actually a pretty good bonding thing on it's own, but there's always stuff going on on campus that you can stop and check out. If there's an event during your break, invite him to go check it out, even if you're not that interested.

If you can figure out a way that your breaks or walking trajectories line up, and you get along well, i've found it's pretty easy for it to become a habit and you can expect him to (pretty much) always hang out with or walk with you during that time. I had several friends who I always walked with from point A to point B simply because we were both going the some way, but we ended up hitting it off pretty well and hanging out on our own even when we didnt have class together. I hope some part of this helps you!

Thanks banana, that was somewhat helpful.

Here's what I've figured out. This friend remembers quite a number of details the few times we've hung out. He remembers things that I've told him even when I forgot that I told him before. That is a sign that he is engaged when it comes to our friendship. But again, he never initiates contact, which bothers me. I need to figure out the best way of changing that without it being weird.

Options: 1. Could say I have AS and ask for him to look out for me -- don't want to do that. 2. Could say I'm running low on close friends whom I can talk frequently and ask if he's willing to do that -- but it may be a turn off since guys don't normally have frank conversations like that. 3. I could stick it out, continuing to not say anything -- but despite the chance that he may start initiating conversations, I think the more likely scenario is that I'll still have to be the one to always ask and this is completely unsatisfying/burdensome.

How do I make this work?