How can I develop a more attractive personality?

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I feel like I'm "missing" something when I interact with people. It's like there a part of my communication that is flawed or absent. I don't know what it is either. I'm thinking it's either charisma or inter-personal awareness. I'm now old enough that I CAN have some small talk with a person but I still struggle to maintain it or develop it into anything more meaningful. I think my main issue is that I talk about myself too much. I get how that's a problem but I almost never talk or express myself or talk about what's bothering me so I often over-compensate and 'binge' talk. On the other hand, I think that's sort of normal. I'm a man so it's expected for me to be dominant in a conversation and one way to go about that is to talk about myself. That seems reasonable. But it's so hard for me to be interested or give damn about other people, honestly. But on the other hand I bet that's how people that listen to me feel.

The other point was charisma. I'm a very laid back and introverted person and so I'm not like some of the guys at school that are always being loud and acting like the center of attention. I don't think there's anything wrong, or better/worse about either. It's fine to be either of those types of people. But I don't like how it's considered 'wrong' if you aren't acting super macho and charismatic. To me it just seems like pretending to be a character, incredibly fake and obviously so.

I think it's bull that we have to fake and try so hard to make people like us. What's the point? Even if they do like me, they won't like the REAL me. They wouldn't like me for who I am. So whenever I talk to people I feel like I fail to properly engage or interest them. It's really frustrating how I fail to make friends or any meaningful connections.

That's more or less what the social problems caused by autism are about... it might not even be that you have a wrong type of personality for the enviroment but simply that you can't catch some basic social cues and come across as boring and weird because of that. I would suggest trying to learn some of the basic social skills, as in really focus on studying them instead of waiting it to come naturally like it does to the NTs.

Trying to be someone else causes unnecessary emotional exhaustion. I don't think you should worry about being a more "attractive" personality. Typically, I find people who are comfortable with themselves to be attractive versus people who are trying to be loud and obnoxious. I do agree, that the social expectation for male identifying people to be macho or charismatic is problematic, but you don't have to follow that expectation. My advice, just focus on being comfortable with yourself.

Well, speaking as someone who has spent years working on her social skills and made immense strides, I would like to say that you have hit part of it on the head. People love talking about themselves and can sometimes forget to ask questions in return. No you are not expected to dominate the conversation because you are male, wow. You need to give women more credit than that. Anyway, what I do is I ask questions about the other person, but I ask things I really want to know. Then after a bit, if he doesn't ask anything about me, I will offer some tidbit about myself and gauge the response. If he's like you, and doesn't give a s**t about the other person, then I excuse myself and talk to someone else. I like finding out about people and how we are similar or different and whether we can be friends. Once you can have a reciprocal conversation, I think that's half the battle. This is different than trying to make yourself more attractive personally. Forget about that. It's what you think about yourself that comes across in your interactions. Also I agree that some men are loud and obnoxious but so are some women. People's social skills and behavior run the gamut. Sometimes it takes a minute to find your footing. Hope something I said helps.