We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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I have found in my decades taking up space down here, that it is far easier to be a friend than to "have" friends.

I wish people here would stop assuming that we are all the same. Autism is a spectrum. You can indeed get social Aspies. I'm a social Aspie. Some of my social skills I've had all my life, so those must be hardwired into me. Other social skills I had to learn the hard way so I was about 3 years behind my peers in some social aspects, but not all.

Some of us are not socially clueless. Just socially awkward or odd. There is a difference. Some of us can be social and enjoy being social.

I see no point to continue to desire something that I can't have.I made the mistake of trying be social for almost 30 years,and it led to rejection each and every single time.I also didn't realize until recently that Aspies will always have the lack of natural social skills, no matter how hard we try to improve our social skills, because that is one of the main symptoms of Asperger's/Autism. Of course we have other issues besides lack of social skills due to AS/ASD,but one of the main issues that we as Aspies have to deal is the lack of natural social skills. Our brains are wired a lot differently than anyone else and it makes to the point where it is extremely difficult to make friends or romantic relationships,oftentimes to the point where there's no point in trying.If you have friends or a romantic partner,that's great,but realize that most people with AS/ASD tend have no friends or romantic relationships due to not having the need to and/or becasue of social difficulties.

Last edited by rick42 on 27 Jul 2018, 7:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What is your source for this claim? Do you have any statistical data about how many friendships or romantic relationships "most people with AS/ASD" have, or are you just pulling this assertion out of your @$$?

I was going to ask that!

Based on my observations here and in real life, most people with Asperger’s have been in successful romantic relationships and most have friendships of some sort.

nobody cares about the outliers.

I care!

I’m an outlier in many respects.

in terms of "most people with Asperger’s have been in successful romantic relationships and most have friendships of some sort", I am a socially daft outlier, the ones nobody cares about.

I don’t have any friends in real life except for my brother.

I’m working on getting a divorce from an awful marriage, so I haven’t been too successful romantically, either. It’s the only real relationship I’ve ever had.

I still think that it doesn’t mean we can’t be successful in relationships, though. Lots of Aspies are.

we outliers can at least dream, they can't take that away from us.

I feel like that sometimes too, but I know on the other hand how miserable I can get by shutting everyone out. I am on the spectrum too and I have made friends with many different people throughout my years, I'm 34 also. I usually try to be friendly with most people but I have a hard time trusting others. In reference to romantic relationships, I have pretty much given up. I was married over 10 years to a girl I met off the internet back in 2002. She was my first relationship and I ended up marrying her after 3 years of being together. She left me back in 2015 and I've been single snice with the exception of 2 girls I met off POF, they didn't work out. So I certainly understand the frustration with socializing but I'm not shutting myself off because that's a miserable way to live. Ok, my rant is over

I can see how you can get miserable because you decide to shut everyone out,but I also feel,atleast for me, that it's best to not even brother trying to make friendships or romantic relationships . Speaking from my experience,often times,I would get depressed due getting rejected by everyone.Even Aspies females rejected me when it came to romantic relationships.I feel like a outsider,even within the outsider group.Until recently,I used to try make a effort to make friendships and romantic relationships.It never worked out, and I never went beyond normal acquaintances with anyone,which is why I feel, what's the point of even trying to make friendships or romantic relationships anymore,knowing it leads to rejection each and every single time.

I’ve tried to make friends as well and even the ones online have ended up being incredibly rude to me because I missed a social cue or took things literally

seems people in general are mean and lacking in understanding.

I dont want friends not even with other people on the spectrum

Theres is a man with a autism disorder at work and one time we decided to meet up have lunch , but it caused problem when some nt in the company saw us then told my husband i was with a man so he got the wrong idea and caused argument, so then i told the autistic man never to meet me again cos of the problems it caused even though we were just meeting as friends.

Theres also a woman in the company with i think bipolar but she wants to be my friend cos she not got any other friends but i dont want to be her friend

All i want is my husband, hes got adhd and dyspraxia, he can be an social outcast.

Geez, I didn't think this many people would agree with the OP. I have a really hard time making friends and getting a relationship but neither was impossible. I've had a girlfriend for 1 year now and it's going great, and a small group of close friends with a few other casual ones, both NT and ASD. It takes a lot of extra work for us, but it's worth it. Giving up only makes sense if you genuinely don't want friends; otherwise you'll always be miserable.