We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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Totally agree as an Aspie. I tried during my adolescence to have friends/ a girlfriend. It never ended up good, I just can't handle social situations/romantic stuff for long...

The only way I see for an Aspie to make friends is not actually making friends but just creating a work relationship.

It worked fine for me and in this manner I had the chance to speak about subjects that I loved with other people, sharing views, thoughts that would not have been shared otherwise.

But really the only way (at least for me) to have friends is to go out with them only when I am willing to do so and not when they ask to, there are some days where I really can't help having social anxiety and having a friend begging me to go out with him at an overcrowded event is something I really don't like!

Speaking again on the working side, in my past working experiences I had the chance to speak with many people, and as long as it was a professional, formal conversation I could handle it very well. Basically knowing that we would have just one or two chat, without future prospects...

I've been married for 18 years and have had romantic relationships prior to this that have lasted a number of years as well. Is it more difficult to find the right person? Yes. But a lot of things are difficult for people in life for a whole host of reasons.

Formal courtship and dating was accepted and even required in prior generations. These practices taught young people how to develop romantic relationships. Certainly even back then people of both sexes were rejected or had a more difficult time finding a partner, but I can't help but think that with structured courtship and dating completely gone from life today if young people have no such skills.

How are you at small talk; as a regular at your local eatery, coffee house? Have you, and even one of the servers shared experiences, goals, perspectives etc, etc..etc? Are you able to sense basic social-skills beyond small-talk i.e., people watching through osmosis?

If the answer is YES, and we've long forgotten negative experiences, consider developing, and maintaining friendships with NT people who have some understanding/experiences with High-Functioning Autism (HFA), period.

This is something I'm really, really struggling with at the moment. I'm a 43yr old woman and have never fitted in with any social groups. I find that I become ostracised from, well basically everyone. I'm at the point of giving up

you are in good company here, welcome! don't give up on us, por favor

I have friends but most of them are on the spectrum, neurodiverse or have some sort of other disability. In terms of NTs I get along with them but it never adopts into an acquaintanceship.

I have a couple good friends. But I've always been positively baffled why people obsess over needing and making friends.
I don't have a love of humans anyway.

Let's not get discouraged over the notion of makings friends/relationships.

The thread in the 'In-Depth Adult-Life Discussion Forum' might offer encouragement:

'Regions Where HFA Awareness is "Ahead of the Curve."'
viewtopic.php?t=376752

[quoteS="Summer_Twilight"]I have friends but most of them are on the spectrum, neurodiverse or have some sort of other disability. In terms of NTs I get along with them but it never adopts into an acquaintanceship.[/quote] Summer: What do you mean by "acquaintanceship"? I think of that as two people knowing each other, but not being friends. So do you mean that or friendship?

Oh and as far as the thread topic goes, bs. I have some NT friends and I view the ND ones I'm making now as both opportunities to expand my social circle and as practice to making more NT friends in the future. There are plenty of NT people out there who are happy to make and keep friendships w/ND people. I'm not saying it's easy to sustain them. But it's far from impossible either and most of us have opportunities and the abilities to do so. The key is just practice practice practice with whoever. It then will likely eventually pay off.

Summer: What do you mean by "acquaintanceship"? I think of that as two people knowing each other, but not being friends. So do you mean that or friendship?

Oh and as far as the thread topic goes, bs. I have some NT friends and I view the ND ones I'm making now as both opportunities to expand my social circle and as practice to making more NT friends in the future. There are plenty of NT people out there who are happy to make and keep friendships w/ND people. I'm not saying it's easy to sustain them. But it's far from impossible either and most of us have opportunities and the abilities to do so. The key is just practice practice practice with whoever. It then will likely eventually pay off.[/quote]

Thank you for sharing you experiences. Twitter has acknowledged WrongPlanet #wrongplanet - A hashtag on encouraging AS/NT relationships #ASNT

Every issue has two sides. With that being said:

We as Aspies should refrain from these negative attitudes too easily becoming self-fulfilling (or self-defeatist) prophecies!

My son who has autism and is ten years old has a hard time making and keeping friends. He wants to make friends and socialize but just has difficulty relating to most kids. They aren't knocking on his door and inviting him to parties which is hard to witness as a parent. He pushes us to call on his behalf for social events and it is heartbreaking that he hears "no" so often. I know of others with autism who are ok with little social contact and wish that were him. Yet, there parents worry about constant solitude they may face as they become adults. Constant rejection is hard. Loneliness may be worse.

We are working with a therapist to improve social skills but am concerned that he just will never connect. I am hoping that he can improve but also gets more comfortable with his struggles. I would like to know from the forum if anyone has had constant improvements over time or is life with Autism or just a adapting to being alone?

WrongPlanet has a 'Parents Discussion' Forum.

I was once that kid who didn't want to have friends/playmates; hence rejection was well.....expected, and even understood.

To answer your question on later-life issues: I've been encouraged to build on those strengths of small talk in order to address my weaknesses of actually having friendships. As an adult, this wisdom has resonated personally. On small-talk, I've found it beneficial (to a point) to interact with friendly/thoughtful people i.e., my experiences are with small-talk with university-aged students who staff these awesome eateries / coffeehouses. My best experinces with interaction have come from interacting with awesome relatives, and family friends.

I've also had experiences on outings with counselors, and even outings that my therapist, and her colleagues organized. I was told by my therapist that I only interact with the only familiar people I knew and trusted...therapists, and counselors. The other people in these groups (for whatever reasons) didn't pique my interests.

So anyways, in a nutshell, building friendships with new people (as people I've had experience with small-talk are of different generations AND/OR different values).

Here on WrongPlanet(WP), my last few discussions are encouraging rather novel approaches (very promising approaches) to building friendships for adults with Aspergers; that is building friendships with NTs who have some professional and personal understandings with Aspergers; that is such people who are terrific people and professionals alike. I'm disapointed that I've received no responses from like-minded WP members! Why??

In closing, when my generation was growing-up, there was little to no awareness of the Autism Spectrum beyond classic Autism. I'm hopeful for today's generation growing-up, as we are now aware of the Autism Spectrum, and have resources such as WP - awareness to further boost progress and develop best practices.

mkp6019: WP has listed your location as Hartford, CT. I've been advocating the Autism/Aspergers NEtwork (AANE) in the Boston Region for helping adults with Aspergers here on WP. Are you familiar with AANE?