Fear of bumping into people I don't want to see

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The only people that are easy for me to greet are those I'm genuinely happy to see.

When I was a kid, I wouldn't say hi, which offended people and made my mother hate/ be ashamed of me.

Now that I'm an adult and have worked on these issues, I can put on a social act and look normal, except when I'm very stressed. I had several occurences when I was too stressed to talk to my roommates and just completely ignored them but explained through e-mail that I was too stressed to talk.

I'm afraid of bumping into people I don't want to see anymore, such as ex romantic partners, ex friends and estrangd family members. I don't know how to act around people I don't want to see and that I don't HAVE to see because of work/ school. If I bump into someone like that in the street, should I follow my bent and just ignore them? Ignoring them feels tense and unpleasant and could be costly in term of reputation, especially if someone else is watching. But I cannot bring myself to put on the social act with a hypocritical smile and a greeting that is a meaningless lie. I don't know what to do, neither way of functionning works, it's like a bug in my system.

And also, I'm terrified that I will one day have to socialize or even work with one of these people so that I won't be able to just ignore them and walk away. It would be very difficult to turn the social mode back on with them.
Any suggestions?

1) Why is greeting so important that my mother rejected me in her heart for not doing it?

2) Why can't people I live with accept that I'm not talking to them even when I explain things to them and send them links on selective mutism?

3) What can I do to quell my fear of bumping into people I don't want to see or being "forced" into associating with them?

4) How do I force myself to greet people when it feels like a lie?

Thanks!

r

I have this problem quite a bit but luckily most of these people pretend not to see me which works for me.

The first thing that is popping into my head is to wonder how and why you managed to accumulate so many different people whom you don't want to see anymore?

Perhaps it might be a good idea to try to resolve tensions with some of these people, NOT so you can be close again, but just to be on non-hostile terms so you don't have to feel awkward when you do happen to run into them?

Of course this won't be possible with everyone; some people are truly toxic. But I've usually managed to stay on speaking terms with ex-partners, for example.

That's a good question. I hold a lot of grudges and resentments. The people I don't want to see have already forgotten and moved on. But I'm very sensitive and it's difficult for me to get over things.
It's also a territorial thing: I need to be in control of my space and want them out of it.
Sometimes, it get to a point where I wish they were dead so I could feel safe. (This is an extreme emotion I don't feel most of the time, I'm just sharing it so you can get the gist.)

Thanks for the suggestion. It is a good idea, which can work if I'm not overwhelmed with anger and other emotions.