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Velociraptor
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31 Jul 2019, 8:49 pm

So I have a good news thread to post, which maybe won't be that popular which is fine. In the last few months, I've met a friend through my support group and we've become very close. We have alot in common, she's fun to spend time with and talk to and I'm just thrilled to have a best friend which I haven't had in 5 or 6 years. Besides the group events, we hang out together and do stuff usually 2-3 times/week.

We did recently have a little falling out, but that didn't last very long. And now the group is going to the beach this weekend and this is the first time I've been to one since I moved here 20 years ago. There are still alot of areas of my life where I want to see vast improvement, but meeting my new friend has already made my quality of life much better than it was just 6 months ago. So the lesson is have faith, you too can make friends (good ones) if you go out and actively look for them!



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01 Aug 2019, 3:23 pm

Here's to good company!


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BenderRodriguez
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01 Aug 2019, 3:33 pm

I don't know about popular, but good for you :thumright:


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breaks0
Velociraptor
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02 Aug 2019, 12:46 am

Thank you both!



shortfatbalduglyman
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02 Aug 2019, 8:52 pm

Friendships tend to start out like a fantasy

Dream come true

Then, the slightest "miscommunication" and it's over

Usually not worth the emotional attachment

But you could be different from me

:heart:



breaks0
Velociraptor
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03 Aug 2019, 1:40 am

[quote="shortfatbalduglyman"]Friendships tend to start out like a fantasy

Dream come true

Then, the slightest "miscommunication" and it's over

Usually not worth the emotional attachment

But you could be different from me

:heart:[/quote
I suppose that can happen and I'm sorry for you if this has been your experience. Shes not like that though in part because she's also on the spectrum. We value each other and try to be understanding, flexible with one another, supportive emotionally and open-minded to our differences. Obviously no relationship is perfect. But having been fairly alone and in a dark place emotionally and socially for a long time and through much of my life, I really need her and as many other friends as I can make now and into the future. It takes work, sure and needing shouldnt involve depending on others. But I strongly feel a lack of friends is deeply unhealthy a recipe for loneliness and an emotional wasteland. Ive been there and this side is much better and more fulfilling.



Mona Pereth
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03 Aug 2019, 7:14 am

(formatting fixed in quote below)

breaks0 wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Friendships tend to start out like a fantasy

Dream come true

Then, the slightest "miscommunication" and it's over

Usually not worth the emotional attachment

But you could be different from me

:heart:

I suppose that can happen and I'm sorry for you if this has been your experience. Shes not like that though in part because she's also on the spectrum. We value each other and try to be understanding, flexible with one another, supportive emotionally and open-minded to our differences. Obviously no relationship is perfect. But having been fairly alone and in a dark place emotionally and socially for a long time and through much of my life, I really need her and as many other friends as I can make now and into the future. It takes work, sure and needing shouldnt involve depending on others. But I strongly feel a lack of friends is deeply unhealthy a recipe for loneliness and an emotional wasteland. Ive been there and this side is much better and more fulfilling.

It's great to hear this -- and I'd like to remind other readers here that you met her via a local in-person support group.

One of the reasons why we need to build a much bigger and better-organized autistic community than now exists, both in-person and online, is so that more of us can find friends who understand us. (Another important reason is so that more of us can find jobs in autistic-friendly workplaces, for those of us who are capable of working.)


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- My WP Friendship Board - Age 19 Onward post, November 2019.
- My WP Regional Meetup & Networking Thread Index post, August 2019.
- My WP "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC, begun October 2018.


breaks0
Velociraptor
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03 Aug 2019, 3:39 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
(formatting fixed in quote below)

breaks0 wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Friendships tend to start out like a fantasy

Dream come true

Then, the slightest "miscommunication" and it's over

Usually not worth the emotional attachment

But you could be different from me

:heart:

I suppose that can happen and I'm sorry for you if this has been your experience. Shes not like that though in part because she's also on the spectrum. We value each other and try to be understanding, flexible with one another, supportive emotionally and open-minded to our differences. Obviously no relationship is perfect. But having been fairly alone and in a dark place emotionally and socially for a long time and through much of my life, I really need her and as many other friends as I can make now and into the future. It takes work, sure and needing shouldnt involve depending on others. But I strongly feel a lack of friends is deeply unhealthy a recipe for loneliness and an emotional wasteland. Ive been there and this side is much better and more fulfilling.

It's great to hear this -- and I'd like to remind other readers here that you met her via a local in-person support group.

One of the reasons why we need to build a much bigger and better-organized autistic community than now exists, both in-person and online, is so that more of us can find friends who understand us. (Another important reason is so that more of us can find jobs in autistic-friendly workplaces, for those of us who are capable of working.)

Yeah I suppose so.



JustFoundHere
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03 Aug 2019, 4:03 pm

Breaks0: Thank-you for sharing your experience in making a new friend. It's so refreshing to read about positive experiences in developing, and maintaining friendships.

Personally, I feel that resources (for lack of a better word) understanding of the challenges of HFA are favorable towards friendships. I've always felt it's also important to develop friendships with people who make such support resources happen!



Mona Pereth
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03 Aug 2019, 7:52 pm

JustFoundHere wrote:
I've always felt it's also important to develop friendships with people who make such support resources happen!

Have you attempted to make friends with such people? What kind of luck have you had with this?


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- My WP Friendship Board - Age 19 Onward post, November 2019.
- My WP Regional Meetup & Networking Thread Index post, August 2019.
- My WP "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC, begun October 2018.


JustFoundHere
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03 Aug 2019, 9:33 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
JustFoundHere wrote:
I've always felt it's also important to develop friendships with people who make such support resources happen!

Have you attempted to make friends with such people? What kind of luck have you had with this?


Where I live, there's very little in the way of awareness (let alone resources) focusing on HFA. Most resources are focused on clientele with developmental disabilities more limiting than HFA. Hence, most of my experiences involved professional relationships, and more or less informal small-talk.

Specific resources are spotty, and those rare opportunities are not long lasting; as people become busy, relocate, etc. On rare occasions, I receive leads on potential local resources (including an annual Autism event). In short, opportunities seem to happen only by chance and accident. Again, there is too little interest to focus on HFA only resources.

In every lead I follow-through, I mention HFA resources elsewhere i.e., AASCEND with The ARC agency in San Francisco, and of course ww.AANE.org in Boston; that is to encourage potential local, and SF Bay Area resources to glean best practices from AANE in developing potential active resources; hence potential friendships with dedicated organizers of events.

I have been encouraged to develop a correspondence with The ARC of SF. A couple of possibilities (as I'm three hours drive away from the SF Bay Area) would be to plan a visit to the SF Bay Area around events concerned with HFA; including a visit to the ARC of SF.

Other ongoing efforts are to investigate, and even advocate the development of local arts programs. I've had terrific experiences with arts programs, hence chances at developing friendships. Basically, it's to keep trying, and to avoid discouragement. It's better than nothing.



kraftiekortie
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04 Aug 2019, 6:01 am

I’m glad you’ve made a close friend.

Why wouldn’t that be “popular”?

It’s what at least most of us shoot for.



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Velociraptor
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05 Aug 2019, 12:47 am

The beach trip today was awesome. I hadnt been in the water in a decade and had never been to a beach in the city and I LOVED it! My friend unfortunately didnt have a great time and I felt bad for her, but I was still grateful she came.



Magna
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05 Aug 2019, 6:36 am

Congratulations on meeting a new friend. I think that's great!


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EQ-14 out of 80
Rdos: Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 173 of 200
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