Running out of punching bags

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When I get angry at someone and don't have an opportunity to let out my anger at that person, I would hold it within me. Why? Because I have nobody else to let out my steam at: I have no friends what so ever. But when I am lucky enough to get either a friend or a girlfriend, then I would use her as a punching bag -- and then lose her. But I said "either friend OR girlfriend" for a reason: even if I have no girlfriend, I would use a friend. But I don't have that many friends. I mean yes, I have 200+ facebook "friends" but they don't count as friends. Out of them, I can only have at most like 3 true friends if I am lucky -- but most of the time (such as now) I have none. In any case, when I do have those 2 or 3 friends or whatever, I would use them up as I let out my frustration on them. And after I use them up and they are no longer my friends, I would go through my facebook contacts up and down and just think "whom can I yell at" and wouldn't think of one single person.

But like I said I don't get friends that often, so I don't yell at people that often either. Lets put it this way. It takes half a year to a year to make a friend, and then after I made that friend, it takes probably a month until something would make me yell at her and lose her. So maybe if I could make friends within a week rather than within half a year, then the rate at which I make friends would exceed the rate at which I lose them, and then I would have lots of friends (even if I do yell at and lose some of htem) and this, in turn, would make me less likely to yell. But when I make friends at such a low rate as one friend a year, then of course that one friend would get all the yelling, I would lose that friend, and end up looking whom else can I yell at.

Can anybody relate to this type of feelings that I just described?

The human brain is composed of many components. You might think of this as several independent brains that communicate with each other. The middle brain controls your fight or flight response. When you feel threatened, your stress levels go up and your body releases a cascade of hormones related to adrenaline. If these are not consumed they are stored in your muscles and nervous system. If you store too much, it will overload your system and you will slide into a distress state. So this stress energy must be consumed or vented in order to reach an unstressed state called homeostasis.

This energy is stored in your limbs. You have 5 limbs. These are your 2 arms, 2 legs and your neck. In general, you can vent stress in your arms and legs with a specific form of high intensity exercise called maximal or supramaximal exercise. This is exercise where the intensity or individual’s maximal oxygen uptake (percentage of VO2max) is 100% or greater. Examples are sprints and power exercises.

To vent stress from your 5th limb, your neck, you need to scream.

One needs to vent the stored stress energy in their neck muscles, vocal cords, and jaw. The best way is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But this must be done in a socially acceptable manner. Never scream at a person. I live in the rural countryside and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about; I call my dog very loudly.

R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy. R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Where are you puppy? R-o-c-k-y.
R-o-c-k-y. Come here puppy.

I yell so loud that I can hear my voice being echoed back to me from nearby hills and mountains. My voice carries about a mile. The call is so strong that it borders on a roar. It is a very good feeling. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. I feel strong to my core. It is a great stress reliever or normalizer. And it is socially acceptable in the countryside.

One might try howling like a wolf at the moon. There is an individual in New York City that howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Some commuters sing along to the tune on the radio at the top of their lungs while they are driving down the road. A spectator at a sports event can do this in cheering on their team. Even a Girl Scout can practice barking in front of the local grocery store when she sells Girl Scout cookies. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

But always remember the Golden Rule: Never scream AT someone. Because this would be interpreted as an attack, a verbal assault.

That is the cause of you losing friends and girlfriends.

By yelling I didn't mean literally. I meant send some demeaning facebook message. I usually have a lot more guts over facebook or texts than I do in person. Although sometimes I do say mean things in person as well.

When you feel rage, your middle brain may want to scream, physically attack someone or run away from the threat. But your outer social brain keeps those actions in check. That is why stress energy is stored instead of being used up. But this energy generally isn't normalized by sending some demeaning Facebook message. It must be purged through a very strong physical action such as physically yelling. Only make sure that you do not yell at people.

I think it'd be better just to learn how not to take out your anger on people who got nothing to with it. You want a punching bag? Go buy a literal one and beat it up when you're angry. Avoid talking to people when you have anger built up, when you feel like you could blow up. That way you're less likely to loose those friends that you have managed to get.

Counseling

Medication

I knew someone who took anti-anxiety drugs to effectively help with what. But, most interfere with sexual function. But for some that is better than the alternative.

I don't mind interference with sexual functions; what I do mind, however, is interference with intellectual abilities: I am a theoretical physicist. Thats why I am opposed to using them.

Interestingly enough, most of the counselors I been going to are probably opposed to them as well. I had group therapy three years ago and we were supposed to say what we got out of it at the end of every session. So everyone was on medication except for me. At one of the sessions one woman said "if I hadn't been on medications I would have acted totally crazy". So when it was my turn to say what I got out of it I said "I finally understand why I seem to be worse than others: I am not on medication" and the counselor replied "well, to be honest, I don't think you should be on medication since there aren't any good meds for Asperger". Indicentally, I wasn't going to ask for meds either since like I said I am opposed to it; I more of made a statement that I feel somewhat better about the way I am since I had an explanation for it. But anyway, that was what he responded. And yes, he knew about my temper problems. I mean, I ended up being taken out of the group because I scared some people when I described some of my anger incidents. But when I did one on one with him -- after being taken off the group -- he didn't go back and suggest any meds either.

The only time I "was" suggested meds was when I was a teen, even though back then I didn't have temper problems I am having now. Back in 1994 I was given meds because when we were going to fly from Russia to the US I tried to jump on that baggage thing and say "I am a baggage" in order to see whats there. So they didn't let us fly to the US until we get doctors notice that we can, and the doctor put me on meds. They put me on theoridazine, but my parents lied to me those were vitamins -- I only discovered what it was later on. But, thankfully, my parents took me off those meds probably a month later -- even though the doctor wanted me to be on them for much longer.

Then another time was suggested meds was in 1997. At the time I was in high school but I was taking math at the university and physics at the community college. So I came to math class too early and was bored, so I decided to take a stone and throw it at the roof of the building but it didn't get there and instead it flew throw the window. I was too ashamed to tell the police that my hand was too weak to get it at the top of the building so instead I just said I was throwing it up and down for no reason, which was hard to believe. So, while they allowed me to finish the university math classes I was taken that particular semester, they didn't allow me to take the university math classes next year. As it turns out, the next year I wouldn't have had time to take the university math classes anyway: due to taking university math classes all the way until then, I was far behind on high school classes. Now, it was going to be my junior year in high school, and I wanted to graduate a year early. So that particular year I had to take lots of high school classes (other than math of course) in order to catch up and my mom talked them into allowing me to take more classes than most students were allowed since that was the only way I could graduate -- and this would have interfered with any university classes I could possibly been taking. But you see, that is something I found out in August 1997, but the indicent with the rock happened in Feburary 1997. My mom took me to see Brina Siegel in April 1997 so at that time I was totally upset about the rock -- and I talked to Brina Siegel about it, at length, during the interview she gave me. So, after the interview, she called a doctor who suggested that I take medications. I refused. And my mom fully supported me in refusing since she is against meds herself. So I didn't take any meds back then either.

But other than those two incidents, I don't think any other doctor wanted me to take meds. Not now anyway. Ironically, the temper problems I am having I only started having as an adult, I didn't have it back when I was a teen. So it is a bit ironic I was suggested meds when I was a teen but not as an adult.

No. Using a friend -- especially a girlfriend -- as a punching bag is heinous.

It’s not okay to take out our anger and frustration on other people.

Maybe you mean that you want to talk to someone about how you feel rather than use him or her as a “punching bag.”

It sounds like you are letting minor frustrations build instead of just letting them go. It’s not always easy to let things go, but in the long run, it’s better for one’s mental health.

Have you talked about struggling with anger in counseling?

Not all drugs interfere with intellectual functioning, although many do, alas. My BF currently takes Prozac, an anti-depressant, which (at the dosage he has been prescribed, at least) does not interfere with his intellectual functioning, unlike some other drugs he has been given in the past. And, among other things, it does help him control anger.

Well, Prozac dulls the emotions (including the good ones). And I don't want that either.

Perhaps it has that effect on some people, but not on my BF, at least not at the dosage he has been prescribed.

Have you considered procuring an actual punching bag?

Case in point: I just read the OP of viewtopic.php?f=7&t=378771&p=8304309#p8304309 and this really makes me want to cuss at someone. It just happens my future roommates want to meet up for the first time. I am somewhat tempted to cuss at them. But they are both male, so I am worried that if I cuss at them they would interpret my being emotional about male-only situation as my being gay, and I don't want that. The other possibility is to cuss at that one girl on a dating site. So when I first messaged her she was replying right away and we exchanged like 5 back and forth messages within half an hour or so. Then in response to her last question I took an hour and a half to reply and she was online this whole time, but when I finally replied she went offline and after that she would take over a week to reply. Then after a month of radio silence she just messaged me herself yesterday. So I am not sure if there was another guy with whom it didn't work out or anything like that. In any case, the chances are is there is nothing to lose here. Maybe I can cuss at her?

Why would you take your anger out on a completely innocent woman who has nothing to do with it?!

Stop it, it's horrible. Maybe you should find yourself a therapist to deal with your anger issues.