Best way to end things

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Hi:
I have written a couple of posts now about this married couple and how the husband is extremely abusive along with lying all the time.

Anyway, I went back to my old place of worship and the parents of the wife attend my synagogue. Overall, they are nice people but there are problems.
1. They are in denial of how abusive and dangerous their son-in-law is and they make excuses for him like
"He's a good father, he loves those kids." "God put him and our daughter together because they aren't perfect." "He's a type-A personality."
2. Like their daughter, who has old me in they are telling me to "Keep secrets."
"Don't tell anyone I told you."

I have just decided that I don't need that kind of drama or stress in my life and it sounds like it's beyond my control.

The want to know what would be the best way to end any relationship with them?

I just leave.

Go to a different synagogue maybe?

Anyhow, I personally don't think it's a good idea to outright abandon an old friend. I would suggest that you tell her the following:

1) You'll be there to support her if / when she ever decides to try to do anything likely to result in a substantial change to her situation, e.g. by finding some sort of couples counseling for her husband and herself, or, if all else fails, by breaking up. But:

2) As long as she is NOT doing anything substantial to try to change her situation, then you need both her and her parents to stop talking to you about it, because you can't deal with the stress of being drawn into a situation that you have no control over and that she isn't taking any substantial steps to try to control either.

I love her parents to death but, I barely know them and only see them but once a week or really ever talk to them. They and their daughter have often given me glimpses of what's going on in their daughter's life with her husband and their kids. Then it's "Oh, I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Just make sure you don't tell anyone about this." As for the counseling part, her mother told me her son-in-law refuses to get counseling.

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I talked to my counselor about her parents being in perfect denial and making excuses like that because they are trying to make themselves feel better even though they know it's bad. They are always convinced that things are going to get better.
Get better? I see lots of red flags
1. Everyone walks on eggshells around him- Hello
2. His mood is unpredictable - Hello
3. His wife and mother-in-law are afraid of him - Hello
4. He lies compulsively - Hello
5. They keep everything a secret - Hello
6. He puts anyone down who challenges his intellect - Hello
7. He is explosive.

Like What Mona Perth said, I can't control them and nor make them change their minds. I did warn them a few times that their son-in-law is untrustworthy. I also know that I don't need to be around that drama.

If your friend ever does decide to leave her husband, she is going to need friends (such as you) to help her put her life back together, especially if her parents have been pressuring her to stay with him.

But it would NOT be a good idea to tell her not to talk to you again until and unless she decides to leave her husband. Telling her that would cause a huge amount of drama.

That's why you should try to think of as many other alternatives as possible, of things she might be able to do that might significantly change her situation (such as couples counseling). Leaving her husband should be only one of the alternatives on the list, "if all else fails."

Then you could tell her that you don't want her to keep talking to you about her situation until she decides to do something substantial about it, such as the alternatives on your list. (She might eventual think of some other substantial alternative on her own.)

Mona, I don't think her husband wants us to talk or be friends because he's that possessive of her. Actually, after he shouted at both his wife to "Leave" post going over there for dinner, their invitations to dinner and other things suddenly disappeared. She also stopped texting me unless it was in a group text or once in a while. When she has reached out one-on-one, she just sends pictures and never asks how I am doing or anything.

As for counseling thing, I talked to another friend of mine who is on the prayer team yesterday and he told me that he has been trying to convince her father that my friend is in an abusive relationship and attempt to them get help.

Hopefully this other friend will get somewhere with convincing her father.


If she's not talking to you about anything substantial these days, then you needn't pay much attention to her either. I would suggest that you try to stop thinking about her and focus your attention elsewhere.

But no need to cut her off completely -- which would be a rather awkward thing to do, given that you're part of the same larger social circle (the synagogue). If and when she makes a move to substantially change her life, hopefully you'll be there for her if/when she needs you. Hopefully then she'll be better able to reciprocate your friendship too.

I have decided to currently keep my distance from her parents but not ghosting them. Rather, I am being civil with them because every time I talk with them, they keep telling me these stories that are off along and all that jazz. To be honest, I don't feel good after being around them. Especially after they told me "Not to tell anyone" about this or that. According to my friend, who I talked to about their situation, he told me that her parents have problems of their own and need to seek counseling.

As for my friend, I pretty much decided to let her go 7 months later because I decided that the relationship is not a good fit simply because the relationship was not healthy. Her husband is very mean and I honestly had to walk on eggshells around him all the time. Even one goes out of their way to be nice to him, he can be nasty because he "Had a bad day." Like her parents, my friend is in complete denial. Whenever he was ugly to me, she would say "Don't worry he is just trying to correct you." It was also "He has no patience."

Regarding what you said about not thinking about it, I agree with you. I am actually doing so by trying to stay busy with my own life and investing my time in other people.