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Whale_Tuune
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01 Nov 2019, 11:27 am

I accidentally flirt with people a lot, and it's making me embarrassed. Typically, I'm spacing out, thinking of nothing, then realize I've been smiling (perhaps flirtatiously) at some random person. People laugh at me for it, and I think some might think I'm odd or crazy for flirting with random strangers (some of whom are not the type of people a college student would flirt with...)

Other times, I think I'm being friendly, and guys take it the wrong way. I don't want a bad reputation. Any words of comfort or advice? Thanks.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Nov 2019, 11:37 am

You might be giving out flirtatious signals or (more likely) the guys are misinterpreting your smiles.

I feel like I could only advise you properly if I actually "see you in action."

I know that women smile "socially" all the time, with no flirtatious intent at all. A few guys (even a few straight guys) smile without flirtatious intent as well.

I used to mistakenly believe that women flirted with me when they smiled at me. Or...perhaps....I was HOPING they were flirting with me.

One thing I can say: if you tell a guy "no" to a date or anything else, it's "no," no matter whether you're "flirting" or not "flirting" with the guy.

I know, for myself, that I would be very unhappy if a woman stopped smiling because she assumed that smiling means flirtation. Smiling is nice. Having a stone face is not.



MagicKnight
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01 Nov 2019, 11:42 am

Really depends on your intentions behind all that. Are you sure it's just on accident? Why would you smile at people on accident? And how flirting could be an accident in the first place? Maybe you just want/need said people's attention. Is this post in itself a flirtatious accident of sorts?

Before you could get angry, I really mean well. I am not callling you an attention seeker. That's not what I mean. I'm trying to understand your post, in the first place. Do you reckon you like being in dangerous situations, or do you dream of dating older people, or maybe a fetish for dangerous and misterious strangers?



Whale_Tuune
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01 Nov 2019, 12:49 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
Really depends on your intentions behind all that. Are you sure it's just on accident? Why would you smile at people on accident? And how flirting could be an accident in the first place? Maybe you just want/need said people's attention. Is this post in itself a flirtatious accident of sorts?

Before you could get angry, I really mean well. I am not callling you an attention seeker. That's not what I mean. I'm trying to understand your post, in the first place. Do you reckon you like being in dangerous situations, or do you dream of dating older people, or maybe a fetish for dangerous and misterious strangers?


Nope. I basically live in my own head most of the time, and sometimes smile at things in my own head, although other people think I'm smiling at them.

A lot of the time it's involuntary. I wouldn't do it if I could help it.


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MagicKnight
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01 Nov 2019, 1:40 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Nope. I basically live in my own head most of the time, and sometimes smile at things in my own head, although other people think I'm smiling at them.


Now I get it.

The same goes for me. I live inside my own head nearly 100% of the time. I will get angry or nervous or confused or happy, and my body will physically react to whatever is going on in my mind.

However, that's not how a flirtation happens. There's no such thing as accidental flirts imho. Flirting is a deliberate effort because you feel attracted to someone and want to get their attention. Even if at first one has no intention of flirting, he/she will know that the flirts happened no matter the much the person in question denies.

If you find yourself ruminating - that's like, when you have disturbing thoughts and start talking and reacting to them, that can become overwhelming. Talk to your therapist about it.



Whale_Tuune
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01 Nov 2019, 6:11 pm

I just hope random strangers don't think I'm a creepy flirt.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Nov 2019, 7:00 pm

In truth, most people don't believe women who are flirts are creepy.



Fireblossom
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02 Nov 2019, 8:17 am

It's a common problem for women that if they smile, many men think they're flirting with them and then if the men approach and get rejected, they accuse the woman of misleading them, often in a very agressive way. And then some men wonder why women never smile at them... well, dudes, losers like the ones mentioned before are the reason why. Smiling at a man is very risky for women; we really can't know when it's a decent guy and when it's one of those dangerous losers who get aggressive when they've made a mistake and don't get what they want.

That said, a smile is not automatically flirting. Just the idea is stupid. If someone accuses you of flirting with them, you just point out they have a dirty mind.



Donald Morton
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02 Nov 2019, 8:31 am

The world would be a little colder and sadder if you stopped smiling. A smile to a passing stranger can be met with a blank stare, looking away to avert eye contact, or on occasion you receive a smile in return. That return smile aways gives me a nice feeling. Nothing creepy about it, only a momentary, but pleasant human-to-human contact.


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Brivae
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03 Nov 2019, 1:38 am

How do you know if you are flirting with somebody? I usually just assume everybody is friendly or nice. Maybe I haven’t been exposed to the flirting environment enough, but I think sometimes there are cross cultural behaviors that can be confusing. I think smiling isn’t a bad thing and if someone smiled at me, I don’t usually jump to the conclusion that it’s flirting. I think it’s a polite form of greeting someone.