Blunt communication

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Do you have issues with people getting upset with what you say when you didn't mean to say anything hurtful, but it turns out what you said was actually hurtful.

I used to have more of an issue with this, but I've learned through trial and error to be more tactful.

I find that due to my experience I cut some of my friends a but more slack with their blunt communication because I know they don't mean to be unkind, they're just saying what the actually think.

Thing is. A very nice friend pointed out to me today that I don't actually have to take it if what someone says is hurtful.

Mind blown.

To be fair I don't always just accept the bluntness

I have a friend who got upset with me this week because she criticised me rather than comforted me, but she really genuinely believed she was showing camaraderie. I pointed out that what she said can be taken as a criticism and she got upset saying that she was only trying to help.

Other friends said supportive, truthful things to me that hurt less, so it's possible to be truthful and kind.

I can imagine that it's frustrating to always have people misunderstand the intent off what you say.

But words matter. You can hurt people needlessly.

My musings on blunt communication...

Do you have issues with people getting upset with what you say when you didn't mean to say anything hurtful, but it turns out what you said was actually hurtful.

I used to have more of an issue with this, but I've learned through trial and error to be more tactful.

I find that due to my experience I cut some of my friends a but more slack with their blunt communication because I know they don't mean to be unkind, they're just saying what the actually think.

Thing is. A very nice friend pointed out to me today that I don't actually have to take it if what someone says is hurtful.

Mind blown.

To be fair I don't always just accept the bluntness

I have a friend who got upset with me this week because she criticised me rather than comforted me, but she really genuinely believed she was showing camaraderie. I pointed out that what she said can be taken as a criticism and she got upset saying that she was only trying to help.

Other friends said supportive, truthful things to me that hurt less, so it's possible to be truthful and kind.

I can imagine that it's frustrating to always have people misunderstand the intent off what you say.

But words matter. You can hurt people needlessly.

My musings on blunt communication...

My ex-girlfriend always prided herself and bragged about how blunt she is and how she doesn't mince words. But more often than not, her "bluntness" came off as hurtful and tactless. Me explaining that to her fell on deaf ears. Of course, whenever I told her something unflattering, she'd yell about how mean and hurtful I am.

I think it might be helpful, in a group or in a relationship, to develop some agreed-upon standards as to what constitutes constructive criticism vs. what constitutes being mean and hurtful. To that end, tutorials on assertiveness can come in handy.

...She said: "you're too... sensitive!"...

Believe me: I tried. She said: "I tell you that because I care about you, and you're too thin-skinned and sensitive!" Soon enough, my patience ran out, and I threw her out of my life. Having grown up in a toxic family, I was very wise to "caring" being used as a cheap facade for power trips and emotional abuse.

There is nothing wrong with being blunt and honest.
I have Aspergers and I speak the truth.
It is better to be honest and hurt others feelings than lie.

I think it might be helpful, in a group or in a relationship, to develop some agreed-upon standards as to what constitutes constructive criticism vs. what constitutes being mean and hurtful. To that end, tutorials on assertiveness can come in handy.