Why do people do this?

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Hi:
I notice that when I talk to people anymore, conversations seem to be one-sided where they talk about themselves but if you mention anything it's "That's cool," "That's awesome," "Oh wow."

It's either people talking about themselves, or people trying to correct your grammar/pronunciation.

Why?  Maybe an ego thing ... ?

It goes like this

Person A: Talks about their going on vacation
Me: I tell them I am going on vacation to a nice place
Person A: Well, that's awesome (Either walks away or wants to talk about something else)

I notice this just about every time I even try to socialize with people, no matter what it is.

For instance, I have friends who like to shop at goodwill and happened to show off what they were wearing. Yet, when I brought it up, I got "That's cool."

I don't know if I am using offputting body language or come off awkward yet

I have a friend who does this. We might talk about his new bike tyes for 5 minutes but say I mention that I'm cycling to Botswana next week he will be like.

" That sounds like fun....I might change the cables on my red bike, so and so said I could borrow his trailer"

I just let them waffle on until I'm overloaded and then I have to kick him out, which takes forever.

I put up with it because we do stuff together.

I'n guessing that you respond to their news before telling them yours.

It's mentioned on this site a million times that only people on the spectrum do this.

Perhaps it's an offline equivalent of a "Like" button, for someone to acknowledge they heard what someone said without bothering to actually think about it.

The answer to "why" is subconscious

Unless you are telepathic you don't know

Even they don't know

There is no way to know

There could be a lot of reasons

It doesn't matter why

my guess is that they only see you as someone to listen, who will ask questions, help them get their thing out and boost their ego.
but they dont respond because they didn't approach u with a genuine social intention in the first place.
( i had friends like this so i know what its like )
i think NTs dont bother investing further energy in a person (apart from what makes them feel good for unloading an anecdote/bragging/complaining/ego) if the person isn't going to contribute to their social currency. (its a guess maybe not true)

you have to kind of push through, perhaps? like 'okay, now let me tell you about MY XYZ thing'
like if u phrase it like that (i learned this phrasing from my mom when i complained to her about this same thing)
then they are obliged by rules of politeness to listen, since u already tossed it in their, with no choice
'now let me tell you'"
'i have to tell you something about my vacation too'
'speaking of ___, that reminds me, this thing happened i have to tell you'
'okay i wanted to ask you about something, this happened, what do you think'
etc.


(that also flatters them in a way - since you are showing them that their attention matters to you )

like ur forcing them to listen, not waiting for them to ask further and show interest.


what then happens (as my mom and various 'friendship' type books she gave me to read as well as articles i read and from observing this happen in sitcoms and movies)

they then over time are getting to know you, and then what happens is, then questioNS ABOUt YOU begin occurring to them. curiosity , interest, especially if they see u regularly enough. courtesy, at the very least. it helps a rapport begin.

i only succeeded with this type of thing online at first, MSN chat , forums, till i got it ingrained in me enough to wear i could do it in the moment.
i kept trying, took me years to actually say wht was in my head, to come out of my mouth, but now i ccan do it.

if they say something like , oh i dont know about that
then u say, really? and sell it to them
'you'd love it!"
'i HAVE to tell you this, since u mentioned that'
'why? is it because ___? ok because actually ___"

etc
if they say 'Oh wow.'
go out of your way (beyond ur natural way)
and say,
"Yeah! And do you know what ? ____!" etc. like not just leave their words hanging in the air, respond to it in a way that u can tell ur story/view as well.


it's all about edging ur way in and kind of keeping things going. like a tennis game

i observed a lot, was told a lot (explicitly by my mom and XH) ,

watched tv shows with the intention of learning how they kept conversation going , read books, etc.
began using it first on forums (you're anonymous AND have time to think before writing AND can observe how others respond to each other)... the makeupalley forum actually

it might get absorbed in your head enough to give u the confidence to say it.
and if u keep doing that, then it will become a bit easier.