Why does nobody want to hang out with me?

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I've never had any friends my entire life. Not even in preschool. I'm 27 years old and I can't think of a single place I've been where people don't avoid me like the plague. My therapist keeps telling me to try to nurture friendships more, but I don't see the point of it. How can you nurture friendships with people who don't want to be friends with you? The times I have really gone out of my way to befriend somebody, it was 100% one-sided. They never once invited me out, texted, called or emailed.

I don't think I act like a jerk. I'm not self-absorbed... I make a point to show interest in others. I try not to burden folks with my problems for the most part.

I am visiting my family in California right now and I'm so depressed I can't bring myself to do anything other than watch TV while petting my cat. I was feeling so desolate that I decided to actually take my shrink's advice.... I went and started hitting up people I know, asking them if they want to meet up and do something. They all said they'd "love to" and that they had some free time during the holiday break. But sure enough, none of them were willing to come up with an actual day. I sent follow-up messages a week later, not to nag them about hanging out, but to just wish them a Merry Christmas. None of them suggested getting together again.

I'm sorry things turned out like this . I've also lost many friends in my life (or rather found out they were just friends with me because we were in the same class and such) they didn't actually need me. I'm trying not to need people since a while ago but it's hard. I want to tell you not to beat yourself up for not being chosen. Just because someone doesn't choose you does not mean you're not good enough.

It would be one thing if it was just one person who didn't choose me. But what happens when NOBODY ever chooses you? What other explanation could there be for that?

I think of it like this: my value doesn't Come from other people. It comes when i try to be a nice, decent person. You have the power to make yourself a "good enough' person and like yourself. You don't seem like a rude, thoughtless person from your post either. So try not to blame yourself and carry a burden. You're not guilty for not having friends.

If no one is interested in you, then maybe it's because you are simply not interesting to them.

"Good Enough" is a moral judgement. Do you consider yourself immoral? No?

Then stop judging yourself and work on being more interesting to others.

It's hard, but don't give up. My experience has been that reaching out to people that I want to be friends with doesn't work too well. What has worked better is just getting out in the world and doing things and living my life, and being open to anyone who shows friendliness toward me.

To those other people you're just one person. If they have two people to pick from, you and someone else, they pick the one that fits their needs better. The reasons you're often the one who doesn't get picked are probably different on different times, so you might need to try focusing on finding the particular reason why you weren't good enough this time instead of trying to find a common turn off that always drives people away... but then again, if you do find a common turn off then you really ought to fix that, whatever it is.

"Loneliness doesn't come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you." -Carl Jung
"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever came to sit by it. Passers-by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on their way." [Vincent Van Gogh]
[addressed to the loneliest one]-
"'There is in certain living souls a loneliness unspeakable. So great it must be shared as company is shared by lesser beings. Such a loneliness is mine and know by this that in immensity there's one lonelier than you.'
Perhaps in the end all that matters is this: and for those who are lonely enough, long enough... that even to the loneliness there is an end..."
[Theodore Sturgeon- Feb 26, 1918 - May 08, 1985]

Happy Holidays, Summer and Smoke.

What are your interests?

I do not know what advice I could give you, since I am an extreme introvert.

But there have been a few times in my life that I have approached someone and asked them to tell me their story. Many people would have stories buried deep inside them. And I would just sit there and listen silently as they related them. Sometimes the stories would go on for hours. But it was worth it because they were so interesting.

Sometimes people have stories that are bottled up deep inside them wanting to break out and be told.

If you take the time to listen, sometimes friendships will be formed.

Maybe you want to find groups and events where you can meet and socialize with people that you have more interests in common with, or who you can somehow relate to/connect with? There are a number of possibilities:

1. You can do a Google search or other research on interesting events in the area where you live
2. You can go to Facebook to do a search on certain social groups involved with a hobby you enjoy, religion, politics, or some other area of interest.
3. You can also go to Meetup.com to do a search on groups that involve your favorite hobbies or interests.

Also, have you considered going to groups where you can socialize with other people on the spectrum (in-person, as opposed to online)? I think you might have better luck going to Facebook or Meetup groups, because those events tend to be a little more personal/welcoming in that everyone often gets to introduce themselves.

I like this a lot. I think there's a lot of truth to it, but also a glimmer of hope as well in that maybe we could learn to recognize others' isolated wisps of smoke and see if we might be able to connect our hearth to theirs, or at least reciprocally visit once in a while.

but a lot of us types have a hard time seeing those wisps of smoke, they tend to vanish in the light of day, at least to those of us not keyed into the subtlest of subtleties.

Ouch. Have you tried reflective therapy? It is free and it starts with making friends with the person in the mirror. That way both of you can go out and things you both like.

You also talk to to your reflection but being really kind to yours asked. Tell them things like “Well, you don’t want friends like that. They are really shallow.”

It's not a matter of your value or worth as a person.
It's just that others aren't interested in engaging with you.

only now in the september of my years, am i remotely used to turning anybody remotely mate-material thoroughly off in nothing flat.