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Jamesy
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02 Aug 2020, 1:30 pm

In social settings I can be really quiet.

People can judge me negatively for being to quiet though. A lot of women have judged me badly for not speaking much as well.

I don’t get it why is being quiet such a bad thing?



B.Sisko
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02 Aug 2020, 1:46 pm

would you like to change how people judge you
or would you like advice on being less quiet
or something else


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kraftiekortie
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02 Aug 2020, 2:06 pm

People who talk too much and are blowhards are not well-regarded at all.

Sometimes, it’s better to just listen.

I know people who have gotten far by “just listening.”



Fireblossom
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03 Aug 2020, 5:11 am

So? People have to judge who they like and who they don't somehow 'cause no one has time or resources for everyone. Some like lively people, some like quiet people, some like those who are somewhere in between. As long as these people who judge you to be less pleasant to be around aren't insulting you or anything of the sort then they're not doing anything wrong. One does not need to like everyone.



shortfatbalduglyman
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03 Aug 2020, 7:52 am

Communication euphemism for noise pollution

Silence is golden

Precious lil "people" have had the nerve to tell me "shut up" and "why are you so quiet?"



emotrtkey
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13 Aug 2020, 9:14 pm

Depending on the situation, if you don't talk much people might think you're bored, don't care about them, or think you're better than everyone else.



RightGalaxy
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30 Aug 2020, 7:48 pm

Jamesy wrote:
In social settings I can be really quiet.

People can judge me negatively for being to quiet though. A lot of women have judged me badly for not speaking much as well.

I don’t get it why is being quiet such a bad thing?


You can judge them negatively too - for bothering you about it. Jamesy, life is a two way street. You can judge too. You can also reject as well. You don't have to be subjected to every woman's whimsical judgement at the moment. Why do you have to make excuses for who you are? They don't.



Cephalopod
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22 Nov 2020, 5:36 am

It has been helpful, since I view social situations differently with ASD, to try and understand human behavior from the perspective of an anthropologist. A lot of people are really uncomfortable with silence, especially around new people. At least in the United States, it is customary to engage in small talk (especially for women) and express appropriate mannerisms to put people at ease. This shows people you are safe, you can be trusted, you can get along with them. Failure to engage appropriately can make people feel tense, awkward, uncomfortable around you. They dont know how to read you and people dont like that. Your behavior is deviating from their typical interactions and it sets off alarms in some peoples' heads.

Unfortunately for folks like us, almost everyone you meet will expect you to be pre-wired with the same social instructions. There is something called neural mirror receptors in the brain, which almost acts like a telepathy to intuitively know what and how to talk to others. I dont think folks like us possess these, or they dont operate the same.

It feels like being trapped in a corner with small talk; damned if you do, damned if you dont. Force yourself to talk, risk making things weird, uttering non-sequiters, confuse your audience and forever cast yourself in social stigma in their eyes. Dont talk, you are creepy for being so quiet. Disclose your condition, that's another handicap to be ostracized.

In summary, being seen as weird for being quiet is unavoidable in all circumstances, lest you trade out the silence for forced conversation. Practice will help, but you'll want to do so with people you trust and are already on good terms with, people who are understanding and nonjudgemental. You'll have to develop a thicker skin, you'll probably always be different and will have to love yourself more than strangers or people who dont matter may naysay about you.

Best of luck!



shortfatbalduglyman
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22 Nov 2020, 10:04 am

They have subconscious biases that make not speaking appear bad

Then they act like every thought and emotion that goes through their head is the latest greatest scientific invention

And when I make the mistake of letting noise pollution out of my beak, precious lil "people" have the nerve to squeak "huh" and "what" like it's the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"



Joe90
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22 Nov 2020, 2:40 pm

People who aren't shy can't seem to put themselves into the shoes of a shy person. Extroverts don't realise how hard it can be for an introvert to speak up in certain social situations.

I'm an ambivert so I experience both introvertness and extrovertness.


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