Do women have a bigger issue with honesty than men?

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Mona Pereth
Veteran
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Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,043
Location: New York City (Queens)

20 Feb 2021, 5:16 pm

GammaRayBob wrote:
And your profile says female while your signature implies that you're male. Forgive me for being confused, which is why I used both dude and dudette. How you choose to identify is your own business.

Unfortunately, here on WP, when you click "Edit Profile," the fields you're allowed to change do NOT include "Gender." That's why KT67 is unable to change the gender in his profile.


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GammaRayBob
Blue Jay
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Age: 39
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22 Feb 2021, 10:50 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
GammaRayBob wrote:
Nope, no trick, legitimately wanted to meet but was getting suspicious and sketchy vibes from her, like she was suspicious of me but not for legitimate reasons. Normally I wouldn't have cared and would've just gone along with it but I've spoken to/met up with and then been promptly ghosted by so many people that I've been more on my guard as of late. So if my red flags start going up, so do my defenses. It gets tiring after a while but I'm just about on the cusp of not bothering to deal with people anymore entirely. Way I saw it, if this is how things were going virtually, it wasn't going to be much better in person so I eventually bailed.

I don't like adding random people to Facebook anymore when I don't end up talking to them so gave up on that in general but in this case, since I felt she had ulterior motives, I didn't want to give her satisfaction of thinking she "duped" me into trusting her. Again, defense mechanism I've developed recently.

Now that you've put this in the context of your overall frustrations with trying to meet people via Facebook, your reactions make more sense at least on an emotional level.

So perhaps trying to meet people via Facebook generally is just not a good idea.

Have you tried Meetup groups devoted to specific interests of yours?


It's not Facebook that's the problem, it's meeting people. I'm autistic, it's not the medium, it's the message/messenger. Why would it be different on any other platform? To quote Dennis Lee, "People are people wherever you go." But yes, I have tried others with similar results, including Meetup. Even when I've hit it off with certain people, relationships faded over time.



GammaRayBob
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Age: 39
Gender: Male
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22 Feb 2021, 11:12 pm

OutsideView wrote:
Looking back over the thread it seems that some woman explained she wanted to meet people in person after lockdown not during so you got suspicious because she might actually have been trying to save face and not admit to breaking the rules. You did want to meet her so you started chatting but when she got interested and wanted to find out more about you you turned her away and she stopped talking to you. You were willing to meet in person but not be friends on Facebook and you don't see why she found that strange. Then because you noticed she was an LGBT+ feminist you decided to make a post on here suggesting that women are generally less honest than men despite saying you know it might get you a lot of hate. Then in the thread you're not really interested in that topic anyway and instead just want to talk about this woman.

I don't mean this in a mocking way but did you actually quite like her?


I couldn't possibly have liked her, I knew nothing about her except that she played the guitar, lived not too far from my area, was LGBT and was engaged. That's it. Other than that, I was getting the impression that she'd probably have a problem with me because of my autism and might judge me even more harshly than most. Just call it a hunch.

But you're making a lot of assumptions here as well... first, you're making it seem like my intuiting that she wasn't being honest (not "breaking the rules", which I couldn't care less about anyway since I don't social distance myself) was incorrect when that hasn't been confirmed. We don't know for sure either way. Second, maybe she found my behaviour strange but that doesn't mean I didn't have a perfectly valid reason to not accept her request, especially after I tried to make it clear to her the reasons for my suspicions. I could see why she may find that strange if she was completely innocent of my suspicions; otherwise, that would just be a case of willful ignorance or denial. Third, you're correct that I've only spoken about her but, as I said earlier, that's because it's the most recent incident that prompted me to write about a more general issue I have. I could give other examples but, again, look how long it's taking us just to parse through this one.



GammaRayBob
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22 Feb 2021, 11:23 pm

KT67 wrote:
GammaRayBob wrote:

You didn't actually address anything I wrote, you just kinda sidestepped it and changed the subject. I'd like to address what you wrote but I think it'd be nice if you did the same for me first, otherwise it feels a bit like I'm talking to myself. Unless of course you don't feel like what you wrote was important but then, why bother writing it?


OK then I'm gonna act like a teacher here lol. Not that I'm a trained teacher but whatever.

People talk to people every day.

People are potential risks until they get to know each other.

NTs are allistic. People who are allistic as well as some autistic people feel a need to socially interact.

They don't like their social circles being too small.

So they deal with the potential risk.

They try to minimise that risk by getting to know someone as well as possible before knowing them.

If you are a person like me who doesn't particularly want the risk enough where they're willing to sacrifice the new meeting of stranger, don't meet up with people.

If you do want to meet up with people, then there are always risks.

Unless you are grown up enough to accept that, you shouldn't be going round meeting up with strangers. I don't care about your chronological age.

I am not saying you're risky. I'm saying everyone is a potential risk until they are got to know with.

It's not my fault if that doesn't sink in, I'm not a secondary school PSE teacher.


No offense but I seriously hope you're not a teacher cuz you'd probably suck at it. I asked you very specific questions about multiple points you called me out on and once again you've refused to answer, instead choosing to reiterate the same thing you said the first time I posed these questions. No worries though, I'm throwing in the towel on this one, I know when I'm beat lol.

Btw, you have a problem with "gender mislabeling" and yet you refer to me as a hen? Not only are you mislabeling my gender, you've mislabeled my species as well. Last time I checked, I wasn't poultry.



OutsideView
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23 Feb 2021, 4:59 am

GammaRayBob wrote:
I couldn't possibly have liked her, I knew nothing about her except that she played the guitar, lived not too far from my area, was LGBT and was engaged. That's it. Other than that, I was getting the impression that she'd probably have a problem with me because of my autism and might judge me even more harshly than most. Just call it a hunch.

So you knew nothing about her but still enough to form the opinion that she probably has a problem with autistic people and I'm making assumptions?

GammaRayBob wrote:
But you're making a lot of assumptions here as well... first, you're making it seem like my intuiting that she wasn't being honest (not "breaking the rules", which I couldn't care less about anyway since I don't social distance myself) was incorrect when that hasn't been confirmed. We don't know for sure either way.

Yeah, we don't know. You're trying to prove she is lying, I'm saying she might be. She also doesn't really seem to have done anything suspicious besides this.

GammaRayBob wrote:
Second, maybe she found my behaviour strange but that doesn't mean I didn't have a perfectly valid reason to not accept her request, especially after I tried to make it clear to her the reasons for my suspicions. I could see why she may find that strange if she was completely innocent of my suspicions; otherwise, that would just be a case of willful ignorance or denial.

Any reason that you don't want to share your personal info is a valid reason. However, you're waning to meet her in person but hiding who your online friends are, I also find that to be strange behaviour.

GammaRayBob wrote:
Third, you're correct that I've only spoken about her but, as I said earlier, that's because it's the most recent incident that prompted me to write about a more general issue I have. I could give other examples but, again, look how long it's taking us just to parse through this one.

Perhaps more clear-cut examples of this would require less discussion, one where it's more obvious the person has lied and you haven't confused the issue by behaving suspiciously yourself. For example, my ex once told me that he'd been lying for ages about giving up smoking because he was too embarassed to admit he couldn't.


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GammaRayBob
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28 Feb 2021, 11:00 am

OutsideView wrote:
GammaRayBob wrote:
I couldn't possibly have liked her, I knew nothing about her except that she played the guitar, lived not too far from my area, was LGBT and was engaged. That's it. Other than that, I was getting the impression that she'd probably have a problem with me because of my autism and might judge me even more harshly than most. Just call it a hunch.

OutsideView wrote:
So you knew nothing about her but still enough to form the opinion that she probably has a problem with autistic people and I'm making assumptions?


My assumptions are based on the fact that most people do have a problem with autists, it's just the way it is. No huge leap there. Once she started alluding to the fact that she was trying to sus me out because of trust issues, I balked since it seemed like she may have had intentions she herself was hiding. And if she has a problem with "sketchy" people, then she most likely wouldn't have been interested in hanging out with me anyway.

GammaRayBob wrote:
But you're making a lot of assumptions here as well... first, you're making it seem like my intuiting that she wasn't being honest (not "breaking the rules", which I couldn't care less about anyway since I don't social distance myself) was incorrect when that hasn't been confirmed. We don't know for sure either way.

OutsideView wrote:
Yeah, we don't know. You're trying to prove she is lying, I'm saying she might be. She also doesn't really seem to have done anything suspicious besides this.
[/quote]

I'm suggesting that I believed her to be lying, not that I had proof. Evidence isn't exactly proof and there may have been reasons to believe certain things but not others. On the whole, I was still suspicious and decided it was best not to continue talking to her.

GammaRayBob wrote:
Second, maybe she found my behaviour strange but that doesn't mean I didn't have a perfectly valid reason to not accept her request, especially after I tried to make it clear to her the reasons for my suspicions. I could see why she may find that strange if she was completely innocent of my suspicions; otherwise, that would just be a case of willful ignorance or denial.

OutsideView wrote:
Any reason that you don't want to share your personal info is a valid reason. However, you're waning to meet her in person but hiding who your online friends are, I also find that to be strange behaviour.
[/quote]

My friends list was hidden from everyone, not just her. I'm not the only one who does this and you can search it up if you don't believe me, though I'm not sure why you wouldn't. It's common practice. I don't see the connection between wanting to meet and revealing my friends list and if that's what she was insisting on seeing otherwise she didn't want to meet, then that's suspicious to me. But it's fine, you can believe what you want.