Pity friendships: a different perspective

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By as*hole do you mean not responding to facebook messages? So do you think I should respond to every facebook message I receive?

I mean....that when you notice somebody being an as*hole, you don't have to emulate that as*hole. You don't have to ask yourself, "if so and so can get away with being an as*hole, why can't I get away with it?"

Just because somebody gets away with being an asshole----doesn't make it right. That somebody will pay for it some day.

You said the same thing, just used more words.

Again, what specific things that I did that would amount to being an as*hole? Is it not responding to messages? If so, are you implying I should respond to every message then?

I didn't say you were an as*hole.

I just said you don't have to be an as*hole just because someone else is an as*hole.

Sometimes, it seems like you justify some of your actions because "other people do it, so why can't I do it?"

You make things overly complicated for yourself, and for others.

Why not just take it easy on yourself and others?

Sometimes, true friendships happen to start as "pity" friendships. I've had a few "pity" friendships turn out to be true friendships.

Can you tell me more as to how you got into "pity friendships" on the first place? Unlike me, you don't sound like the person that would complain or look for pity. Did they pity you all on their own without your complaining (kind of like my mom does)? Or were you different back then and actually were more prone to complaining than you are now?

I was never a complainer.

They pitied me because it was obvious that I was "disabled" in some way.

So what was it about you that made you come across as disabled?

The way I walked, talked, dressed, responded to insults. It was obvious that I was the kid whom everybody else made fun of.

And here you're loved, by better people.

Do you use the word "kid" in colloequal sense or in literal sense? Were you actually a kid or what age were you?

I was a child and adolescent when I experienced most of my bullying. When I got older, I decided to just slough the bullying off to the side, and not allow people to bully me. I was still seen as being sort of odd----but I was the best at my particular job for a long time, so people left me alone, for the most part.

Thanks, Llama----a most nice thing to say!

From my point of view, kids get bullied, adults get ostracized. Or are you talking about more subtle type of bullying? Can you give some examples?

I still get bullied by my brother sometimes----sometimes overtly, sometimes subtly.

He still uses yelling and screaming to try to get his point across.

I am seen as being "not quite" supervisory material, even though I've been at my job 41 straight years. I haven't been promoted, even though I know my work frontwards and backwards. This shows that I'm not held in high regard. I am "ostracized," in a sense.

Same happened to me at my old workplace. I was outperforming everyone on my team in the end, but you just get shat upon as an Autistic.

I did re-read it before I wrote my reply, as well as all the other posts on the thread. I did start my post with "I don't get it", didn't I? In other words, it's not a problem with my memory, it's a problem with me not understanding. But I think this post made me see what I didn't see before: I put "complaining" and "temper tantrum" in the same box in a sense, but you meant them as completely different things, right?

As in, if you complain to someone about being friendless and they start talking to you more after that and inviting you to places, then it's good and a friendship, but if someone starts doing those things after you throw a temper tantrum, then it's bad and a pity friendship? Did I understand it right?

Still, even if I did, I don't get the difference. If you complain to someone about being lonely (or something similiar) and they start inviting you to places etc. after that, how would that be less of a pity friendship than someone doing so after you threw a temper tantrum?