small talk

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Tweet that reads
"Many autistic people find small talk distressing, but I was fascinated to learn yesterday that small talk helps a lot of NT people to feel safe. I had no idea, and this realisation has reframed how I see the small talk ‘debate’. I now see it as an example of conflicting needs."

Safe, how?

I don't get it.

I don't know if I can explain it well, but I did at one point come across a tweet about how small talk helps you discreetly learn things about people. I guess somehow that tells you what kind of person you're dealing with.

After decades of study, I have a hypothesis on this. Bear with me.

With neurotypicals, participating in small talk makes them feel welcome in a small, tribal gathering without the expectations that accompany a discussion of substance. They don't have to be correct, articulate, or in any way give it any thought. It's vapid babble that provides the comfort of acceptance not unlike canines that join a howl.

Makes me nauseous just the same.

^ I agree that small talk functions as a kind of social facilitator in a safety sense.

Being able to do 'small talk' gives two people a sense of familiarity and it is a kind of temporary bond between two people that shows that they are friendly enough to chat to one another.

It can also break the ice during awkward silences.

I think of small talk as something different from a conversation. Small talk is by definition without any purpose and is not supposed to lead to anything. It's pointless talk like a vague statement about the weather to pass the time. When you talk to the woman next to you at a dinner you don't small talk, you have a conversation with the intention to make a connection, make an impression on her or be entertaining. When you talk to your friends you have a conversation to tighten your connection and confirm your bond to them. I find small talk very hard. I have to bring it up to the level of a conversation or I'll be very uninspiring and boring.

Small talk can be a way of asking something without having to ask a question.
Since no question was asked they have no obligation to answer.
But if they do have something useful to know you may find out!

For instance, I encountered a "Karen" at a golf course the other day.
Not only did I discover my random partner ran into her too, but I discreetly put his mind at ease.