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Bataar
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30 Jan 2023, 10:18 pm

So, to summarize, for the last year or so, I've been a part of a decent sized social circle. Most of whom I considered friends. Recently, I've been overhearing various members talk about different activities and social events they've been to or have been participating in. At first, I didn't think anything of it, but as time went on, I started noticing this more and more. One of the guys used to come over to my place on Sunday evenings to watch Battlestar Galactica or a movie of some sort. Last weekend, he couldn't do it, because he, and other guys in the group were doing a different activity that I wasn't invited to or informed about. Yesterday, he didn't respond to my texts asking about it and I figured he was either involved with a football activity or fell asleep as has happened before. Today, one of the guys posted a picture on Facebook of about half a dozen of the guys at some sort of gathering yesterday, including the guy who never replied to my text. All but one of the guys have my phone number. I've come up with two possible conclusions. Let me know if you can think of anything I'm overlooking.

Option 1:
They simply didn't think to include me. Somehow, despite hanging out with most of them for over a year and considering myself part of the group, my presence just means so little that they just didn't think to reach out to me.

Option 2:
They simply and objectively don't like me and only tolerate me as a matter of politeness.

Either of these two options makes me want to write them all off regardless. If you can think of another option, I'd happily hear it.



Mona Pereth
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31 Jan 2023, 3:24 am

Bataar wrote:
So, to summarize, for the last year or so, I've been a part of a decent sized social circle. Most of whom I considered friends.

What is the nature of this "social circle"? How did the bunch of you first meet? For example, did you all attend school together? Are/were you all members of the same religious group? Do you know each other from your job?

Bataar wrote:
Recently, I've been overhearing various members talk about different activities and social events they've been to or have been participating in.

What specific kinds of activities?

More importantly, what was the context of these activities? Just one person inviting a few friends to hang out, or something more formally organized, such as a religious group activity?

Bataar wrote:
One of the guys used to come over to my place on Sunday evenings to watch Battlestar Galactica or a movie of some sort. Last weekend, he couldn't do it, because he, and other guys in the group were doing a different activity that I wasn't invited to or informed about.

Did you find out later what specific kind of activity this was? If so, what was it?

Bataar wrote:
Yesterday, he didn't respond to my texts asking about it and I figured he was either involved with a football activity or fell asleep as has happened before. Today, one of the guys posted a picture on Facebook of about half a dozen of the guys at some sort of gathering yesterday, including the guy who never replied to my text.

Again, what specific kind of gathering was this that you were not invited to?

I'm wondering if they might have had reason to believe you wouldn't be interested, e.g. a gathering of a religious group you're not a member of, or perhaps something to do with a specific hobby you don't share.

Bataar wrote:
If you can think of another option, I'd happily hear it.

Is there anything they all have in common with each other than they don't have in common with you? For example, do they all belong to the same religious group, ethnic group, political camp, or profession/occupation that's different from yours? Do they all share a hobby that you don't share? Are most of them, but not you, currently attending the same school?


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jennyishere
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02 Feb 2023, 7:42 pm

In my experience, within large social groups there are usually smaller sub-groups who share particular interests or have closer bonds. Sometimes a group member may only want to share a particular activity with their closest sub-group. Also, large social groups often consist of some core members and some more fringe members. The core members tend to organise events and make things happen, while the fringe members are more passive and less involved in the group.

Do you regularly organise social activities and invite the other members to join you? It sounds like you invite one particular guy to visit you, but do you ask the others? For example, you could arrange a bowling or movie night and invite everyone to come along.

If other members aren't inviting you to activities, could it be because you aren't inviting THEM often enough? Could they feel that you're not that interested in spending time with them?



ninjaman
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03 Feb 2023, 1:50 am

hello,
i dont know anything about you. i think i am talking to a teenager and will respond with that in mind. i am almost 43 and still mentally a child. i have not developed my abililty to survive on my own and will probably end my life. this is my input. sort out your position in life as a socialiser. are you really interested in becoming more popular/invovled in this social circle. if you are then you really should get your skates on. you may be an obnoxious person, i dont know you. i would strongly recommend that your attitude be to make as many friends as possible by becoming a likable and friendly person. read books about making friends. start now. these "friends" you have might be friends and either not including you because you show no interest or do not come on your own. i think that there is an idea that you go along without the invite. as in there is no invite. if you are part of the group and accepted then you just go. if they did not tell you about this gathering they attended. bring it up in conversation, "i saw a pic, you at a place, what was that, it looked fun". if they avoid answering it could be good or bad news. either way it is on you to get more friends that you can do those things with. try not to think to much about this. you have known them for a year, if i am reading that right. look at the different things you enjoy and find groups dedicated to that thing. online and in real life. do the things you want to do, have these friends for the things you enjoy doing with them and find more. keep going, if it turns out that you have done something you will find out somehow. i make people feel uncomfortable, they dont like that. ask yourself a series of questions about your interactions, how you deal with things. do you show interest in others? do you listen? do you provide feedback? do you understand them?