How to take leave

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One of the most difficult things is to take leave, particularly on the phone.
In a visit or a face to face encounter there are many signs that can be emitted and read. To look in a very open way at your watch may be rude, but even giving an oblique glance at your wrist watch is perceived by the other. You can move objects around you, at first gently, then more violently. This may end with taking the other by his/her (it's very differente if the other is a he or a she). Last weapon is to push the person out of the door (if there is a door). This may also be the end of a relationship.

But on the phone?

i agree, its quite difficult, can go on and on, sometimes the goodbye saying goes on longer than the main part of the conversation.

instant messaging is just as bad, the so longs and goodbyes and c ya laters go on and on. you think you're done and yet another bye pops up after you've closed the window!

See you later is statistically one of the most frequent lies. There is also the horrid habit to close a conversation with a bye-bye repeated indefinitely. In Italian ciao-ciao-ciao. Meaning now I have enough of it.

Here is what I do...

Phone:

It was nice talking to you, but I have to (insert activity/chore here), now. I'll talk to you later.
Bye....Then I hang up.

Instant Messaging.

I gtg.
ttyl.
bye.

Then I log off completely, so they don't have the opportunity to drag out the "goodbyes".

My problem is saying good-bye when with a group of people. I usually will just say good-bye to the host and leave. I'm sure people think that is rude, but I never feel comfortable announcing that I am leaving or saying good-bye to everyone. I find the "taking your leave" thing to be one of the most socially ackward moments for me.

Yeah, that still bothers me, I fall for it-not knowing when it's a canned phrase, rather than vague yet realistic assurance of future plans together.

That and the moment of arrival-I don't like making a scene (that's how it feels) & having to officially/artificially (with 'good cheer') greet a bunch of people all at once (as one's expected to do, anouncing one's presence). New names in rapid succession aren't going to stick in my head the first several times I hear/see/meet strangers.


Agree, in general I prefer face-to-face conversational interaction (despite anxieties inherent in that for me)-can't communicate complexity & subtlety of response without the visual.
Only talk on phone at length with one friend, so I don't have to deal with this too much. One can try using tone of voice to get something across, but sound quality varies greatly. My friend's cell phone doesn't do too well with this-and there's also the speakerphone/voice-activated technology factor. If noise isn't loud enough, it doesn't transmit-and the beginnings of utterances get cut off. Not only can that cause confusion as to what was said, but also cuts down on ability to sense any nuance or emotional tone of communication. Having to shout or speak in louder-than-normal voice just to be heard through phone makes for relatively lousy shared experience between friends.
Sometimes I take deep breath & sigh repeatedly, or talk faster (sort of 'running over' other person, because I'm in hurry and am trying to get this call finished). If there seems little to discuss, I might mention that this (minutes on phone line) is costing one of us money, so we should do this another time.
Am paralyzed with fear & awkwardness when telemarketer-type people call, though intellectually I know plenty of lines I could say. Go into emotional "put-on-the-spot"/"deer-in-headlights" defensive threat-perceiving mode. Am afraid to say no (but I don't say yes, either), end up saying something clumsy & out-of-it like: "I'm uncomfortable with this phone call & cannot handle this. Bye.", and then I notice I'm trembling & sweaty. That's how nervous & panic-inducing phone calls can be for me, esp. when I wish to escape.

As for leave taking, I usually somehow manage although I always worry I made a fool of myself later on.

On the phone I usually haven't had to much trouble. If I get a "talkie" that won't hang up (rare, although it has happened) I make my mobile ring, then say "The other line is ringing. I'll talk with you later." and hang up quickly.

On the rare occasion I get a telemarketer, I firmly, quickly and politely say "I'm not interested. Thank you." and immediately hang up. I sometimes listen long enough to see what product they are peddling out of curiosity.

I don't IM as I can't stand IM speak. IM speak grates on my nerves for some reason.

Last edited by TheTraditionalFrog on 20 Sep 2007, 12:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Same here - I never know what to do. Should I go round and say goodbye individually? Or just say a general "Goodbye?" But that always feels like I think I'm some kind of celebrity expecting the big send-off. I usually do the same as you, and just say goodbye to the host.