Where would you go to find friends if you don't like...

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Abcrone
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05 Jan 2014, 3:49 pm

Where would you go to find friends if you don't like the same things most young adults would like.

Random scenario example here.

Lets say I make a few friends in college, and one day coming towards a holiday break they then plan to have a 'night out' pre-drinking at somebody's house beforehand and going to some nightclub afterward, But the problem is I don't drink I don't like clubs or chase the opposite sex and dancing to garbage music. So from my limited social knowledge that is pretty much all people do as young adults.

What other common settings or things do people do that are more low key

drinking
clubbing
gigs
all these loud social settings



Soccer22
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05 Jan 2014, 4:05 pm

Good question and I wish I had an answer. This is my problem as well. I don't drink or go to bars. I don't like going out in general. I'm considered "boring", although my mind isn't boring at all! But people don't care about how interesting of a person you are these days. I've actually had the question after I said I don't drink, "what do you do for fun then?". So sad. Instead of drinking or bar hopping, I enjoy learning and having good conversation, but no one likes those things in a friend when you're 24 yrs old. People wanna say stupid stuff like YOLO while running naked into freezing water or something incredibly stupid like that. I don't find that at all interesting. I've decided to just wait out finding friends until people grow up a bit.



eric76
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05 Jan 2014, 4:21 pm

Find people with similar interests.

If their primary interests revolve around partying and drinking and that is not your interests, then being friends with them isn't going to be very productive.



i_wanna_blue
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05 Jan 2014, 4:33 pm

I don't drink or go to nightclubs either.

I guess I can find people who do the same, but to me it's more about understanding. if i feel someone can't understand my social difficulties, even if they do everything i do, i'll be reluctant to go out with them.

so i'm kinda stuck too.



KWifler
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05 Jan 2014, 4:36 pm

I'm the same, no drinking or drugs or going out to noisy crowded places.

The question is a difficult one, but in case you haven't checked the stickied topics in this forum, you will find that many regions have regular group meetings of people on the autism spectrum who have much the same social style and needs that you probably have if you're on the spectrum.

So yeah, go here:
"Regional Meetup & Networking Thread Index"

And I hope you find something that is a good fit for you.


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Katniss
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05 Jan 2014, 4:45 pm

Abcrone wrote:
Where would you go to find friends if you don't like the same things most young adults would like.



My short answer would be to make older friends. I have a NT friend in her 20's whose dearest friends are all over the age of 55. I know enough about her to tell you she's not impressed with the things young adults her age are into.

Good luck! :)


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OddFiction
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05 Jan 2014, 4:52 pm

see if there is a group of board game enthusiasts in your area?



em_tsuj
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05 Jan 2014, 6:17 pm

Abcrone wrote:
Where would you go to find friends if you don't like the same things most young adults would like.

Random scenario example here.

Lets say I make a few friends in college, and one day coming towards a holiday break they then plan to have a 'night out' pre-drinking at somebody's house beforehand and going to some nightclub afterward, But the problem is I don't drink I don't like clubs or chase the opposite sex and dancing to garbage music. So from my limited social knowledge that is pretty much all people do as young adults.

What other common settings or things do people do that are more low key

drinking
clubbing
gigs
all these loud social settings


What are you interested in and where do you live (as in small town, big city, rural area)? Do you live on a college campus?



KingofKaboom
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05 Jan 2014, 6:23 pm

I would say a lot of people that do these things don't always do them because they like the things themselves. I don't really have good ideas on where to meet people and interact to make friendships but it's important to spend time with the friends you have. Don't like to drink? Just hold a bottle and hang out with people or just say you came to hang out .


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05 Jan 2014, 7:06 pm

Or buy soda. The only thing that I can think of at the moment is meetup.com (interest groups) and sports/activity groups.



KWifler
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05 Jan 2014, 8:09 pm

I know that when I asked, most people told me to try trial and error, and just try to go to every place that you can find. Unfortunately, I can't travel often due to poor health, so I prefer to have at least a 50-60% likelihood that I will be able to create a positive social connection with someone.

If your health isn't impacted too much, maybe the trial and error suggestion would be helpful to you. It's good that you are willing to even try, so good luck.
Also, the people in my area laugh at non-drinkers and usually say to try going to a church event. Maybe that would work too.


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06 Jan 2014, 11:36 pm

I'd try meetup.com. You can join groups which have pre set agendas, so you know what you are supposed to do there and what other people are interested in.
Soccer22, I can totally commiserate with you, my co-worker says I'm "boring" too. I try to start conversations but I must not be talking about the right things...



GregCav
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07 Jan 2014, 12:23 am

This is the very question I've been asking myself for the last couple weeks. I havn't come up with an answer yet.

I might have a look at that meetup.com though, never heard of it before.



coffeebean
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07 Jan 2014, 10:14 am

We go out to lunch, especially for things we wouldn't normally treat ourselves to like Peking chicken. It's an opportunity to sit down and visit face to face for awhile, though it's not particularly exciting.

Where to meet people is something I'm not sure about, either.



eric76
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07 Jan 2014, 10:29 am

Does your college have much in the way of student clubs and organizations?

If so, you might check to see if any of those are of interest to you.