I want a good relationship with my cousins, but I can't.

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I'm not sure if this post is okay here. Recently, I realized that maybe I'm jealous of my cousins, who seem to have a great relationship. They two are about my age, but they are neurotypicals.

I grew up very close to my cousin A (female). When we were kids, we used to be always together, except in school and other more personal aspects. She started to keep a distance from me when we entered adolescence. At that time, it didn't bother me. Now as an adult, I understand it was completely normal, she is a girl, and I'm a boy, and she had other interests different than my geek ones. Also, maybe she wanted to make friends with people of her gender, while I barely had friends.

We met our cousin B (male) when we were eight years. He lives in another city 335k m (208 mi) from ours, so we only meet on holidays.

At home, cousin A and I only keep essential communication, like greetings or if she needs a favor from me.
When Cousin A and Cousin B are together, they are like best friends. When I'm with any of them or both, I don't know how to relate to them. Also, I feel I have nothing in common with them.
When we three go out together, to the movies, to a mall, etcetera, I always feel like an outsider. I feel like they only invite me as a compromise for being their cousin.

I'm sorry you are going through that. I find myself in a similar situation all the time where I am interested in being closer friends with someone and the connection just doesn't work with them for whatever reason, and then I see them having the connection I want with them with someone else and I wonder why it's so easy for that other person. Sometimes people are looking for something in relationships that you can't provide them and that is absolutely fine. I had a big falling out with friends recently and realized that we were not that compatible to begin with, there had been problems for a long time. As long as your cousins are including you in activities I would try to relax and just enjoy the time you do have together. It sounds like they want you around or they wouldn't invite you. If you don't have that much in common maybe it makes sense and is okay that you wouldn't be best friends? I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off as harsh. Maybe things will improve over time if you have less stress about the relationship and just enjoy the time you do have together.

I know what you mean and I faced the same situation with my cousins and it's frustrating. While I like to normally try to relate, I don't care to talk about my situation because I got hurt.

As for cousins A and B connecting, I recently listened to a TED talk about how and why people connect. People don't like lots of topics with details. Rather, they are interested in what they have in common with someone else. They probably also don't know how to connect with you either.

Have you thought about sitting down and talking to your cousins about how you feel? They might be able to help you but I have learned that being assertive can go a long way.

For example Cousin A, I am really disappointed. I would really like to be closer to you and cousin B. I often feel like you two are close while I feel like an outsider.

Just wait until you are my age.  I have cousins who, last year, thought I had already died.

Growing up, I appeared to be "Closer" to my aunt, uncle, and two cousins. This was because they got together with my immediate family for birthdays, holidays, and other religious occasions. Then after I turned 18, we started having conflicts due to various reasons. Additionally, my aunt didn't want my uncle and cousins to associate with me because of the fact that I have autism. To her, I am mentally unstable and unpredictable. This was because it the way she was raised.

When I was 20, I moved into a rental house with two roommates, which was 3 miles away from where they lived. I also attended the same church that they did. Yet, they refused to have anything to do with me and did what they could to avoid me. So I was on my own.