Is it patronising to tell people to ''get out more'' ?

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When I have heard of some people telling other people they maybe need to ''Get out more'' or say ''You don't get out much'', it makes feel as though those people who say that think they know how to ''live'' and make the most of life because they maybe more active and going out socially on occasions for a drink, going on holiday etc than someone who likes to enjoy and spend their leisure time at home doing a hobby like reading or trying to write a book.

I suspect that when people say things such as that to you it is in response to one of your relentless complaints about how and why you have never accomplished anything with your life.

I have not had anyone say that to me. I've only heard that from people who get told that by some other people.

That really depends on the person's tone. However, talking like that can put ideas into someone else's head that can come across as harmful.

Quite right, I seem to feel as though by saying something like that to someone especially like me who sometimes enjoys doing things at home, makes it seem they are ''wasting their lives''.

Sure, if all you want in life is to engage in your hobbies, "Stay at Home" is excellent advice.

But, if what you really want is to meet that special someone who will enhance your life and give it meaning, then staying at home with your nose in a book is the worst advice ever.

It really depends on the context.

If someone is happily independently living alone, without complaint, enjoying their solitude, not wanting anything more, and a rando stranger comes along and opines that they should get out more, then yes, that is a bit patronizing.

However, if someone indicates that, despite enjoying their solitude, they do also want more friends, more experiences, more opportunities, etc, then "getting out more" is kinda essential to doing so, and is fairly sensible advice - with it understood that neither staying home nor going out are a "waste of life", but that if you want those things which are not readily found at home, "going out more" is probably a reasonably unavoidable component to making those things happen.

To put it bluntly, do you expect people to just knock on your door and offer to be your friends?

Ain't.

Gonna.

Happen.

I know that obviously no one is going to come to the front door and ask me to be friends with them. I feel like I am somebody who likes to do stuff at home but also likes to go out. When I am out I don't always walk into social environments like cafes and hang around in there waiting and looking for someone to talk to, I'll just get a coffee, sit for a bit and look at my phone and then leave. I seem to think sometimes I feel socially awkward and won't talk to anyone I take a liking to but don't know in a cafe, in a shop, in the street because I don't want make myself look like a weirdo and sometimes I don't always know how to start off a conversation and will hesitate.

I remember trying to talk to someone I liked on a flight back from Rome and for the whole flight I didn't know what to say and it wasn't until we got off that I tried to talk to her but then I made myself look awkward and she went off and didn't see her again. I felt stupid and sometimes I do hate myself if something like that happens.

It is patronizing, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.

It depends on the context, as to whether it is patronizing. The intent of the person, and the intonation/comms with how they have it come across in a question.

Having said that, as a related note - many people are introverts and are happy not getting out more.

Also, being out a lot is expensive, versus staying at home.

The truth is often unpleasant, in one way or another.

I don’t like when it’s recommended as a cure-all to depression or anxiety. I have agoraphobia so the mere thought of getting out more, or going out just to make myself feel better, gives me panic attacks. The mere suggestion makes me feel worse and more insecure than if they said nothing at all.

I don’t hear many people tell others to stay in more when they’re depressed or anxious, but I suspect for a significant number of people that’s exactly what they need.

I don't get out much but I'm not looking for more friends either so I have had folks ask if I'm OK after long absences.

Nt advice that may work for NTs. This is bad advice for introverts with Autism.

It is when it's used as an insult.