getting followed around like you are going to steal somethin

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shortfatbalduglyman
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29 Jan 2024, 9:28 pm

Sometimes in stores, such as Safeway and Whole Foods, security guards follow me around like I am going to steal something. They did not tell me why they followed me around. It could be a lot of different reasons. Maybe I do not look like I earn enough $$$ to shop there. ("profiling").

Yesterday, I was @ Walgreen's looking for a watch, and a security guard had the nerve to bark @ me
"Can I help you?", she said, self righteously.
"Do they sell watches?".
"Who?" she barked @ me rudely.
"Watches?".
"I don't think so".

I did not do anything bad or wrong or illegal. I didn't bother anyone or interact with anyone. I didn't do anything unusual or a lot of things. The security guard acted all "holier than thou". (makes me wanna puke).

self important, annoying lil dipshits!



Edna3362
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29 Jan 2024, 9:55 pm

This is sort of simple for me; I don't perceived them as getting onto me -- I perceive them as someone who should accomodate me.
Thus whatever vibe I give off isn't "suspicious".

And if they're being rude, I can give them a pass or put down the boot on them; not the other way around.


I say this is not easy for someone who perceives people as a threat, in which others will misread social anxiety as some sort of scheming mind; where reading that the accommodator is a threat to whatever scheme -- and assume that scheme is some sort of crime.

It's stupid, really.
To not distinguish between someone who is scared because of being scared of attention from being scared because of getting caught; which looks so stupid similar that an average NT can't distinguish it.


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Summer_Twilight
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30 Jan 2024, 10:08 am

Yes, but it's been a long time and I think it's probably because I have learned to mask while I am at a store.



CockneyRebel
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30 Jan 2024, 11:16 am

That's happened to me many times in the past and I found it very annoying.


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funeralxempire
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30 Jan 2024, 5:50 pm

When I was younger this always made me feel like I ought to steal something. :lol:


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cornpop397
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30 Jan 2024, 8:33 pm

E-eeh, well, at school some of my classmates tell me that I look like a serial killer/school shooter, so, uh, I feel like it makes sense why I'd be followed. This is very ironic, as I am very well-groomed.


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CarlM
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30 Jan 2024, 9:21 pm

I remember one bad incident when I was a teen. An interaction with a salesman in an consumer electronics store got me upset (I can't remember the specifics but I think he thought I was a shoplifter) and when I hurried out of the store he announced on a PA system for security to watch out for me like I might steal or vandalize. I have long been aware that I might be mistaken for a shoplifter and do try to avoid doing anything suspicious.


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valen
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01 Feb 2024, 8:17 pm

This used to happen to me a lot, partially because I would wear or carry a winter coat in the wrong season or bring a backpack everywhere, and it gives the impression you are looking to have a place to hide items. However, I may also have learned to shop with more normal body language because I started spending more time with people who actually like shopping... or maybe it's just that I started shopping less myself.

I was poor at detecting negative intent at the time, so I didn't know what it was and genuinely thought they were attempting unnecessarily to be helpful, until I had friends who worked in retail who talked about these techniques.

There is a section in a book I was reading about this, (Ask and Tell by Stephen Shore) where the author of the first chapter describes being selected for random frisking and additional scanning every time she went to the airport. Until one day, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and noticed she looked tense and nervous. So the next time, she copied the way the other passengers were standing... and made it through without fuss.

I think whether it's nervousness or that you're giving off different signals in some other way, it is possible to change the signals if you want. However, if you don't feel like it's worth it, I could get that too. It's annoying that so many neutral behaviors can cause so many problems because of others' preconceptions.



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01 Feb 2024, 8:44 pm

Yeah happens to me when I pace, also a friend of mine.

Advice to take it lightly and see them as kind of clowns is good - my friend calls them his free walking tourguide of the store.

If you get angry, more nervous, they are gonna freak, so better to use humour and do what you can to relax and diffuse the situation.



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01 Feb 2024, 9:24 pm

it happened to me a couple of times

the most recent was at an alcohol store. doesn't help that i look like a middle schooler,


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AprilR
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02 Feb 2024, 12:29 pm

It is very annoying when people do this, especially ppl who work in retail. Like aren't you supposed to be personable? It is so weird



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08 Feb 2024, 1:58 pm

I was gonna make a thread about this so you saved me time thank you.

It happens to me every time I go in Sainsbury's. I would understand it if I wasn't a regular because I actually do look like a robber but it's the same security guard and the same staff so they ought to know better by now

They either think I'm a really skilled shoplifter because they can never catch me or they're short of something to do because it's so early in the morning when I do my shopping

It doesn't really bother me anymore but it used to make me a bit annoyed


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rse92
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08 Feb 2024, 2:26 pm

Any chance this is all in your head?



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08 Feb 2024, 2:29 pm

:lol: could be


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babybird
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08 Feb 2024, 2:43 pm

Maybe I should put it to the test one day.

I'll blame it on the menopause if I get caught


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envirozentinel
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08 Feb 2024, 2:47 pm

"Look like a robber"?

How does a robber look? In movies they wear a balaclava, hoodie or beanie, or are simply cast as they have a "baddie" face?

I can't quite imagine that you look like a robber.....


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