Social Dilemma

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Hi.

I'm kind of stuck in some kind of social dilemma with the few friends I have now, and have decided to turn to Wrongplanet for any useful advice.

I have a few friends now, who I regularly keep in touch through Texts, and MSN.

I use to go out and "hang around" with them in the park, and go with them in the cinemas which is cool in all, but now I just don't want to anymore.

The majority of these group of friends I'm in are girls (and there's another boy who's courting with 1 of the girls as well), and are very trustworthy and nice, funny people who are the same age as me. At first, I couldn't trust them, seeing how I've been backstabbed in the past before, by being "stood up" at invitations to the cinema and the swimming pool. But now, I can trust them, I just don't want to go out with them. I live 8 miles away from them, so it's a good thing they don't come round my house and nag me to come out.

If I give in to going out to the park with them now, I just won't enjoy myself, and I'd do that through pleasing them, but I won't get any benefits at all, and if I stay at home, they'd be hurt and I'd feel exactly the same as I would if I went out with them.

How do I know this?

Because the last time I properly went out with them, I felt more miserable than the other times, even though that time should of been equally beneficial.

Maybe it's because other people get invited, and they are introduced to me, and I HAVE to get to know such aqquaintaces, or I'm put off with someone else going out which I mostly despise, I don't know.

Most of the times I've been invited now, in my desperation, I've made up lies with why I don't wanna go out. I feel as if I'm betraying them, and if I do something about it by actually going out with them to the park etc, it'll just lead me into what I've just explained above.

I don't know what to do, whether to hang around with them, and have a laugh, but get no benefit out of it conscious or unconciously, or stay at home and feel exactly the same while hurting my friends?

I've tried discussing this with my mum, and my psychologist, but alas, no answers to be.

Is the social avoidance because of anxiety or inattention? In my case inattention is a factor as I'm am often hopelessly bored around other people.

I used to feel the same about a group of girls I hung out with. They bored me.

Later I got involved with some Pagans (to use a general term) and because I had so much in common with them, I found their company good.

I wouldn't want to go out all of the time and I rarely go out but when I do it is good.

Just hanging around with people can be quite boring unless you can do something together like play chess or do sports or something or talk about things you are all really keen on.

I just recently started going through a similar thing. Unfortunately I don't have any answers yet, but I can offer some of my own mind's ramblings.
I used to play D&D with a bunch of guys that I have been playing with for several years.
Recently I stopped enjoying playing D&D. I at first thought that I was getting tired of playing D&D and as a group we decided to shake up the schedule by playing board games one week, D&D the next, and taking the third week off. Still thinking that I needed a break from D&D I stopped going to D&D week. I went to 2 of the board game weeks and it was enjoyable doing something different, but last week I just didn't go. I don't really have a reason why I didn't go. I didn't have anything else to do, but had no desire to go. So now I am left questioning is it the D&D game I have become uninterested in, or is it the socializing part.

I don't know if it is the resistance to change in going out after two weeks of staying home. The regular schedule helped motivate me to continue going out on nights where I was feeling a bit down and inclined to stay home. Maybe the uncertainty of not really knowing much about them despite having played D&D together for years. Now that I am taking a break from D&D it almost is like I am in an entirely new situation with barely familiar people.

I am trying to work on improving my social skills with a psychologist, but I am getting frustrated when I don't even feel like socializing anymore even with people I am familiar with. Is it my avoidance tendencies encroaching upon my accepted socializing due to attempts at exercising my social skills, kind of a backlash? Is it my need of recuperative alone time after dealing with people being triggered by my social skills exercises? Does it even matter what the cause is? Should I just try and force myself to continue both the social practice and going to my group despite my feeling uninterested in order to help expand my tolerances? The myriad of unknowns flying around in my head when I think about it is equally frustrating.

I read "Had Enough (Socially)" but this topic subject fits more.

I'm in a similar dilemma. I probably could make friends but I don't really want to or better my desire for it is (and was always) very low. I get bored or am aloof even when I get to know them or I don't want to speak and/or socialize with them that much. Yes, I can be sluggish and sometimes inattentive which doesn't help.

I found the term "social apathy" which is also a symptom for schizophrenia. I read that it can be a symptom for autism but also for depression. Unfortunately that makes it difficult to find out the probable cause. Don't want to take antidepressives if it isn't depression.

That's one reason why I'm not sure if my "social isolation" is caused by autistic traits, to much introvertness, avoidance, attachment problems or really only a lack of desire for friendships. I think I only need a group for my interests but often the members also want to share other interests what I find problematic.

On the other side I find friendship theoretically nice and thinking about making ones for a while (next to a few other friends that I don't see that much, partly by my own choice). But I have problems in reality. I spent some time with friends so I know. Unlike most people I mostly don't care for online friends.

I recently realized that im so structured to the point where ill only hang out with people on weekends, sometimes ppl wanna chill out on different days and im starting to realize if u keep putting it off they will stop asking ya to chill out. So sometimes i force myself to be social and go out even tho i definatly dont wanna. This way they dont get insulted and keep asking ya out so sometimes u can aford to say no.

I definatly dont like meeting new ppl via others. I know how ya feel it can be stressful and borring, for us, sometimes socializing = work, where as others socializing = fun. If you wanna keep hangin with these guys u may need to sacrifice. Dont make a habbit of constantly saying no to hanging out, u gotta meet um half way.

I have lost contact with some friends cause I refused to chill only when I wanted to, our friend circles are limited, and get more limited after school is done, dont let that circle dwindle too much, get out their man.