Do you feel you show too much affection

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Autistics are typically known for not showing a lot of affection or too much affection. I been in both categories. I remember someone in my christian men's home had told me I smother him too much after we were just seemingly getting along perfectly.

I always enjoyed hugs. People who think we don't like hugs or handshakes don't know a lot of autstics. I don't hug everyone unless I feel a close bond with them. Some guys aren't huggers and even some females aren't either, but most females I talk to think it's sweet rather than perverted when I hug.

When it comes to guys I tend to hug those who gives off a warm, gentle vibe. Guys who are macho and rough I don't typically hug unless they offer it.

I've gotten flack for hugging too much, but I have stepped back and not do it so much. I still give fistbumps and handshakes, but regardless I'm an affectionate person. Some find it too much, but I feel that it's a part of who I am.

I love being touched too, and I never turn down a hug.

I'm overaffectionate with my partner too, though it isn't because I don't know boundaries, because I do. I just get an impulsive urge to wrap him up in my arms, sometimes attack him with cuddles and kisses. He does appreciate it, because he's never really been adored like that by his previous wife, as she just used him for his money.

When I was a child I was the most affectionate out of my siblings, and I was the only one with ASD.

Yes. I’m performing a balancing act at all times.

If I lean too far right, it’s a hate crime. Too far left, it’s a love crime. If I'm too robotic or perfectionist, I’m flagged as "suspicious activity" and asked to complete a CAPTCHA to prove I’m not a psycho perfectionist of some sort. Not easy this being human lark.

Not only do I show too much affection, I also FEEL too much affection.

Because I keep my mask on all the time, I show much less than I actually feel. The times when I allow myself to also show this affection, I end up regretting it later. Right now I am regretting all the affection I showered on my summer fling only for summer to be over..

So, I went through quite a long phase where I didn't like physical affection and I was physically standoffish. This was mainly due to trauma that I associated with being held. However, I worked through this and it flipped in the other direction where I really like hugs now.

It's got to be with the right person though.They need to feel safe. If I feel comfortable hugging you, that means either we're close, you feel unusually safe and / or I have feelings for you.

Otherwise I'm either going to take a step back when you try to hug me, or just hang there like a plank.

If I willingly let you in my personal space, that means a lot. I think if I were to date someone, I'd probably be quite physically affectionate.

I have too much affection within me.
But I also have too much pride to show it.

It just became something I had to manage within me than something I do for anyone.

I don't mind receiving hugs and pats, but I'm the one who's more inclined to give one despite not feeling clingy over it.

Like yeah, it's pleasant. Yes, I like it.
But as a need, it has no point in it thus I never chased it.

Making me feel safe isn't the issue -- more like me feel like making them safe is more likely.
So yeah, the other party would had to be the one who would be vulnerable first before I start opening a little for them; and never the other way around.

And nobody can exactly trap me in a weird cycle or dynamic when the other party are the ones who needed me more than I "need" anyone.

I'm aware that can put off some people. But that's the point of my own unsaid boundaries if they're perceptive enough.

But if they aren't, to ignore or acknowledge them is more of a choice for me, not a impulse or urge regardless of what I feel about it.

If they feel neglected because of this unequal exchange, kudos for them to recognize that I'm not who they 'need'.

But if they stay, they'd be seeing something else within me that I had no idea what.

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I can be overaffectionate with my partner but I know it's just it's down to impulsive hyperactivity, not misunderstanding boundaries. It's like I get this build-up of love in me that needs to come out, and it can come out a bit aggressively. Not aggressive as in anger or abuse or anything, but like with big rough cuddles and squeezes and I sometimes might even bite him because he's cute. It doesn't hurt him though.

I think it's down to cuteness aggression too, where I find it difficult to control myself around cute things such as my partner, babies, animals and teddy bears. From a very young age I've always been able to control myself around vulnerable living beings like babies and animals, and so took it out on my teddy bear. That's why he's so tattered and torn now, but very well-loved. I still bite and squeeze him now if I need to get it out of my system and my partner isn't in the mood.

Strange how someone as self-loathing as me can also have a lot of overwhelming love in me and naturally able to be affectionate towards others.