How can I make up?

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I'm in a dilema and have been for some time. This in turn is making my depression worse.
I have accidentally upset a couple that I had considered to be good friends. I don't think that there has been a specific event, more a slow decline that I hadn't noticed until it was too late. Part of the problem is that I don't phone them to make 'small talk'. Sadly, I thought I had been indulging in general chatter when I spoke to her (NT) over the phone. I admit that I have never phoned him (severe Aspie) but this is mainly because he has such bad insomnia and peculiar sleeping patterns that I'm scared I'll wake him and upset him. I'm very sad that this friendship has broken down as these were the very people that spotted my AS and, on their advice I followed it up and got my diagnosis in February - scoring a fairly high 45/50 AAA.

Anyway, when things came to a head, I tried an explanation/apology to him, but it was not accepted. Meanwhile my (NT) partner also apologised and explained to him, and it was accepted and they are friends again. However, he told my partner that he could not forgive me because I do not face up to my own actions, that I disgust him and that he never wants anything else to do with me. I found this very hurtful.

So this is the dilema... I want to repair the damage and resurrect the friendship, but in doing so I will have to contact my friends and therefore go against his wishes, risking further damage. I have had a card that I want to send them in my work bag for ages, but I've been too scared to send it.

I've talked this over with impartial parties this weekend and they have tried to convince me that him saying he never wants anything more to do with me was said in anger and that he didn't really mean it. I want to believe that, especially as I think what sparked this all off was me saying something else in anger (not to or about him) but the last 'instruction' I received was the "nothing else to do with you" thing... and I do seem to work on a 'latest takes precedence' principle.

So... should I send the 'sorry' card in the hope of making up but with the risk of adding more fuel to the fire by contacting him, or do I do nothing and just fade away from these people?

Are we two Aspies that have over-reacted to each other and taking things too literally perhaps?

This really has been bothering me for ages and I had a whole week of hysterical tears from the shock and hurt of the situation.

What should I do?

be vulnerable and tell him everything you feel in a safe way- if that's talking, great, if it's a letter, that's great too. Use as much "I" statments as you can. Don't say anything like "you made me feel....." just say "I feel."
I think you guys can make up, it's just the way that you go about doing this that is going to be tricky. After living through my parent's divorse, and being the middle man, and then having to deal with my own teenage drama late that same day, for months and then years, I find this method works and turns out to be healing for everyone. What will usually happen is they will try to help you with your problems or tell you how they feel, and either way you get to the root of the problem, and at the same time are able to work together to fix it. This may take some practice, and it may take a while for both of you to work together.
He may feel hurt but only know how to expresse it in anger. when talking to him, listen directly to the words he is saying and not the way he is saying them. Keep your deffenses DOWN. keep talking to both your NT partner and his. Ask things like, "How does she deal with him when they have problems? What does she think the problem is? How can you make everything up to both of them?"
If you would like to give more specifics, that would help us outside observers very much. I wish you the best of luck, and I definatly think you can keep this relationship together.

Send the card with one word in it and nothing else:

Sorry

Then see if anything happens.

Ed Almos

just send ca$h in a card saying im sorry. you'd be suprised about how much someone is willing to forgive you if you pay them to
if that doesnt work buy them thier favorite sportscard. woops howd that get in there

The card was written and sent yesterday... just have to wait and see now.