Growing apart from a friend.

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There is a girl I have been friends with since high school who is a very kind, decent person. At one point I hung out with her and a group of a few other girls. The friendship between myself and one of the other girls fell apart a few years ago and things then became somewhat strained between myself and the girl I first mentioned. I still hang out with her but am now excluded from a number of outings because the girl I'm not friends with is there and it would be too awkward.

Yesterday I talked to her about her upcoming birthday and she said that the other girl I'm no longer friends with wanted to get together the following weekend. I know the girl I'm no longer friends with had some plans this past weekend but I don't understand why my friend is acting like this other girl is in charge. It's her birthday after all. I am sad because it feels like we don't have much in common anymore. . I have suggested doing a variety of things together but nothing I suggest seems to interest her. She is not an aspie but it seems like she has very few interests outside of watching t.v. and hanging out with her family. We are both adults; I am 37 and she is 36. I just feel so heavy hearted about the whole thing. .

Should I talk to her about this? It feels like we are tiptoeing around each other. If she doesn't want to hang out with me anymore I would prefer she just say so. She is a dear sweet person in many ways. I think part of the problem is that she is not interested in expanding her horizons in the same way that I am. By that I mean doing things like reading, going to documentaries, doing something just for the sake of learning something new, etc. I personally think that the majority of what is on television is pure garbage and television is her main form of entertainment. It feels like we don't have much to talk about anymore. I do have a few other friends but I'm just so sad because friends are so hard to come by.

Has anyone else grown apart from a friend before?

it has to be one of the most horrible feelings...
it happened to me near the end of high school, and not just one friend, but an entire group of friends...kinda one at a time, but what seemed a very short time. we all used to hang out together and do stuff, and then when something in our group changed, (it's a longish story) i was kinda left on the outside looking in, and we all just kinda drifted apart (putting it nicely...it wasn't quite that nice, as i recall...lol)
and it continues to happen to this day, whenever i think i have made a good friend, things just seem to start to fade, and next thing i know, i hardly ever talk to them anymore.
and yeah. it sucks big time. and it makes me very sad when it happens.

Yes, I have had that happen many times. It seems like such a cruel thing to say, that you've outgrown the friendship, but it does happen. I don't really know what to do either, because it isn't like the other person isn't nice, it's just that the friendship is no longer based on the same things anymore. For example, in my teens and 20's I turned to religion in an attempt to find out why I was having so many problems in life, why God was allowing certain things to happen. Since then, I have changed and religion no longer answers my needs. My religious friends can't understand it. They are quite happy to remain in what I see as a narrow little world, but I can't fit into it any more without doing great violence to my mind. My apostasy threatens them; if we are to remain friends I must return to the fold. I can't be myself. So I reluctantly ended those friendships when it became clear there was no way to compromise.

Also, how do you tell a friend who has been in and out of your life for several decades, that the reason you no longer want to associate with him or her is because it seems like lately whenever they call it is always bad news. Someone has died, someone is in the hospital, someone has lost a job. Or there are family problems. And it just goes on and on and on. They have health problems, they are housebound, their children don't visit. Are they looking for a listening ear or for someone to help them solve their problems? Because it's frustrating to be on my end and hear this endless litany of woe. Well, what are you doing to change the situation? Oh, it's impossible, there are too many reasons why the situation continues to deteriorate. By the time the conversation is finished, I just want to go hang myself. I mean I am dealing with depression myself; I need reasons to LIVE, not throw in the towel. And I know that what this person is going through is real. But I also look at their life and see some of the choices they have made to put themselves into this situation, and much as I'd like to help and sympathize, I am not responsible for the fact that these choices have been made and to some extent continue to be made.

For example, this person has a daughter whose children have been diagnosed as autistic. The daughter lives way out in the country where there is no public transportation. She is married to a man who works sporadically and does not allow her to have a car. Well, I should say, that when he does allow her to have a car, it mysteriously develops problems soon after. She has no close neighbors, only his parents, who, according to her mother, think she is trash. His parents live in a house that has to be seen to be believed; even the garage is fancier than some houses I have seen. Meanwhile their son and his wife and the children live in a house that is literally falling down around their heads. Their grandmother, my friend, wants me to help her daughter find autism resources for her children. So I suggested the Internet. You guessed it, they have a computer "but it is all messed up". So here she is, isolated, no transportation, no real connection to the outside world, three autistic kids who are driving her up the wall, and I am supposed to work miracles. To me the choice is clear, either find a way to bring the husband on board (if he is the one behind the "sabotage"), so that she can have access to the resources she so desperately needs, or she is going to have to find a way to leave him for the sake of their children's future. Well, no, neither option is acceptable. And frankly I feel for the kids, but I don't want to get too involved because I don't want MY car tampered with if that is indeed what he is doing to keep her at home. On the other hand, I am only hearing one side of the story and may very well be doing him an injustice. Either way, before these kids can be helped beyond what the local school system has to offer (not much) something is going to have to be resolved. But how does one go about saying that without making enemies?

Yes, I had that happen, many times. I do believe that friendships can be outgrown. I usually have a good start to a friendship. It seems that the other person and I hit it off right away, and have all sorts of things in common. And then, either I start to demand more of them than they are willing to give, or vice versa. Recently, I had made friends with this other woman. We did things together, talked on the phone a lot, etc. And then, I started to back off, because she was getting a little too demanding of my time. Being an Aspie, (which I had told her early on,) I hoped that she would understand when I pleaded off from outings and extensive chatting on the phone, but she started to criticize me, doing amateur psychiatric analysis of my "problems with social things," etc. She demanded to know what she had done wrong.

I was forced to stop hanging with her, because in my opinion, she had become high maintenance! And, I had definitely outgrown her. She was also very gullible, reading far out theories on line and taking them as gospel truth, and then trying to shove them down my throat. It started to really irritate me. I'm actually getting used to having friendships end. But it always makes me sad.