Page 1 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Dej
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 197

19 Aug 2005, 5:42 pm

Often i am not sure when to come into a conversation with my ideas if their is a group of people talking together and i end up cutting off people. Has anyone figured out how to do it? How do you know when its your turn to talk? How do NT's know how to do this so naturally?



Ghosthunter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,478
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota

19 Aug 2005, 5:53 pm

Dej wrote:
Butterfly
Joined: Aug 16, 2005
Posts: 16
Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 8:42 am    Post subject: Turn taking in conversation
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Often i am not sure when to come into a conversation with my ideas if their is a group of people talking together and i end up cutting off people. Has anyone figured out how to do it? How do you know when its your turn to talk? How do NT's know how to do this so naturally?


First of all, I am not NT...so I can't answer for them.
I can surmise those a practical theory.

1)...NT's tend to follow their heart and feelings in the flow
of conversation.

2)...I being autistic, tend to adapt, as would logically
autistic folk in general. By learning a 2nd nature
instinct, I would take a stab at the right point and
go with it.


I hope this is helpful?
Ghosthunter[/i]



AbominableSnoCone
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,685
Location: Jersey

19 Aug 2005, 7:42 pm

Personally, I'll wait till I think someone is finished speaking and then try to jump in. I guess sometimes you and someone else will jump in simultaneously. I think its usually okay to override them and keep talking, but only about once in the conversation: Do it too much and it'll seem rude or condescending methinks.

Sort of off-topic: What kind of groups do people find is conducive to conversation? I think 3 is the best number. With two people there are always awkward silences where I'm struggling to find something to say. With 4 or more I find it hard to find an opportunity or I'll be afraid that some people will vehemently disagree with me and I'll have to defend my position... which is hard for me to do on the spot (I always come up with the brilliant counter-argument like 2 hours later!)



Mockingbird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,169
Location: Upstate New York

19 Aug 2005, 7:57 pm

AbominableSnoCone wrote:
With two people there are always awkward silences where I'm struggling to find something to say. With 4 or more I find it hard to find an opportunity or I'll be afraid that some people will vehemently disagree with me and I'll have to defend my position... which is hard for me to do on the spot (I always come up with the brilliant counter-argument like 2 hours later!)


Exactly!! ! Or the perfect way to explain something that you made a mess out of in the actual conversation :P



Litguy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 649
Location: New Jersey

19 Aug 2005, 8:40 pm

This is a problem for me as well, and I agree that there are rules that NT's seem to know and that we just try to guess at.

I also find it hard to know how to "interrupt" when two or three people are talking, and you really need to tell one of them something for a good reason.



Sarcastic_Name
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Mar 2005
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,593

19 Aug 2005, 9:39 pm

I'm like GH, just jump in when it seems like the right time. Although for me, it's usually not. If I followed my instinct, I'd end up cutting everyone off at least once in the conversation. And so, I talk during awkward silences. I prefer 4 person conversations, possibility for two at once.


_________________
Hello.


Captain_Brain
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 4 Aug 2004
Gender: Male
Posts: 282
Location: BARBELiTH

19 Aug 2005, 10:14 pm

This is a problem for me too.
Often if I'm having a conversation with someone, I've worked out that after I think they've finished their statements, I'll wait for about 5 seconds before saying what I have to say. This is like a pre-emptive defense against cutting them off.


_________________
No more revolutions! I refuse to even recognise the wheel.


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

19 Aug 2005, 11:52 pm

I'm always cutting off people and it makes me sound like a dick because I stop when I relise i've cut them off, and it happens again shortly after.

I find it hard to tell when people have finished talking.



vetivert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,768

20 Aug 2005, 3:05 am

tut. it's ALWAYS my turn to talk, of course. ;)

depends on who i'm talking to. if i've got a vested interest then i can shut up... occasionally..



ed
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Dec 2004
Age: 81
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,788
Location: Whitinsville, MA

20 Aug 2005, 9:45 am

vetivert wrote:
tut. it's ALWAYS my turn to talk, of course.


That's me, for sure.

I envision a conversation between 2 Aspies to be a case of 2 people talking all the time, and never listening to the other person :lol:


_________________
How can we outlaw a plant created by a perfect God?


Prometheus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 May 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,506
Location: Through the plexiglass

20 Aug 2005, 9:54 am

I find there is no right time. For me it is just a matter of waiting for the other person to finish their thought, then commenting/interjecting by making pseudo-eyecontact (at the nose!) and raising my hand to my chest level in a gesture that suggests I want to say something as well as opening my lips as about to speak. Most people pick up on that and ask me if I want to say something or aknowledge me by stopping and nodding in my direction, and I know it is then that I can comment. Sometimes this doesn't work as when I am involved in non-one on one conversation, so I don't know what is done then.


_________________
All your bass are belong to us.


Litguy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 649
Location: New Jersey

20 Aug 2005, 10:55 am

ed wrote:
vetivert wrote:
tut. it's ALWAYS my turn to talk, of course.


That's me, for sure.

I envision a conversation between 2 Aspies to be a case of 2 people talking all the time, and never listening to the other person :lol:
Hey. Maybe my wife isn't as NT as I think she is. :lol:



Namiko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2005
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,433

20 Aug 2005, 4:06 pm

I've timed it with most people so after there is a few second pause, they're usually done talking. I've also taught myself several things about reading facial and hand expressions over the years, so that's helped. Note to self: this usually only works with people I know very well, not acquaintances.


_________________
Itaque incipet.
All that glitters is not gold but at least it contains free electrons.


Sean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,505

20 Aug 2005, 5:25 pm

For some strange reason, I can say something in a break in the conversation and still not get heard, so sometimes I have to get forceful about getting my point across. :evil: This seems to be a bigger problem when talking with family than wth neighbors or friends.



Namiko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2005
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,433

20 Aug 2005, 6:00 pm

I have to raise my voice for anything I say to be heard around our house. My sister dominates everything by talking constantly and loudly so it's hard to get a word in at home, unless she's not around. :)


_________________
Itaque incipet.
All that glitters is not gold but at least it contains free electrons.


Tom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,542
Location: Where you least expect it

20 Aug 2005, 7:55 pm

I never have any idea when to talk either. I don't know how NTs do it by instinct.