Conversation Revelation

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It has recently occured to me that I don't dislike all conversations; just ones that are personal.
I don't like to talk about myself because I'm a private person, and anyway, it would be boring to tell you about me, since I already know everything about that subject already. I don't like to talk about you, since although I don't know everything about it, it still bores me. However, I still care about your opinions on things, so you can't call me selfish.

I prefer to talk about subjects that relate to us as humans rather than as people. Such as philosophy, politics, whether it's generally worse to have a dog as your mother or a dog as your father, and if you must, we can talk about mathematics.
What I don't want to hear about is what you did last saturday. I don't know why people find this so fascinating, but that's generally all I hear from others.

Who's with me? And am I a selfish bastard?

Wow, I think that's true! Actually, in writing I am much better at opening up with personal information. But even then, I'm interested in information, not just a list of what you did or who you saw over the weekend.

I used to hate it when my high school friends would come to school on Monday and tell me about how they went out with so-and-so and did this activity and that activity and bla bla bla. I mean, if something out-of-the-ordinary happened, let's hear it, but otherwise what's the point? Plus I spent my weekends reading and writing and just having conversations with my family and close friends, so I suppose that's all I'm able to share with people anyway...LOL.

You're not selfish, do what ever interests you or what brings you happiness.

I'm with you. Those conversations holds no interest for me.

I let other people talk about themselves as much as they want to keep the attention off me. It usually works pretty well. People usually don't even notice they know very little about me. I like hearing about other people's lives anyway! I don't even bother to talk to people who limit their conversational topics to how drunk they got on Friday night and what guy they're dating this wek. We both find each other immeasurably boring - why make each other suffer?

I'm not really hard to please conversationally. If it's a topic of any depth, I'm fine. I can sit around and talk about food or TV show preferences with someone indefinitely. I pretty much have a repetoire of "safe" topics I bring up with people I don't know that well, and only bring up topics of great interest to me with people that 1) will enjoy it and 2) has something worthwhile to say about it. I think that people who incessantly make small talk about what they did on the weekend are using it as a coping mechanism to keep them from having to talk about anything of depth - it makes them uncomfortable.

I'm not uncomfortable with who I am, but I do purposely avoid talking about myself because generally the reaction to the way I choose to live is negative: "It's really not healthy to spend all your time alone", "Why don't you go out and meet people?" "Why don't you have a boyfriend? I couldn't stand to be single", and the often used and always loathed "I was like you when I was your age, you'll come into yourself and stop being so shy." Actually only older people tend to give that positive of a response - telling people my own age about myself usually causes them to regard me with a morose mixture of pity and amusement. They are not interested in getting to know me once they know certain things, they would rather be patronising, condescending, and make sure to exclude me from all future social events because I'm "weird".

I totally agree with you, Adrie,

The other day some girls came over to my house, walked into my bedroom WITHOUT knocking and decided to tell me about the boy they were making fun of on the bus because he was apparently intellectually disabled [ret*d...in their words].
I don't only find this pointless...but quite insulting to do such a thing in the first place!
Anyway...my point being is that I really don't care to listen to what people did on the weekend, or what their kids put in their mouths, or who so-and-so went out with etc...rather boring.

of course. god bless the oblivious extroverts! however, some people require that you actually give something back to the conversation; an aspies dread!


it's healthier than spending time with others, clouding your thoughts and making you think of trivial things rather than important things, like, for example, routemaster buses.



Alas! most people are like this; we'll both have to search for the other type of people, which are rarer. if we didn't have to search, and therefore have the capability to talk to them, we'll spend less time alone. the benefits are good for this, if you like to relate to people.


isn't that a good thing, though, if you loathe them? also, lmao, at least you're 'weird' and not 'creepy'.

Someone famous whose name I don't recall right now said:

Exceptional people discuss Ideas...
Average people discuss Events...
Small people discuss other People...

I don't loathe people, definitely not. I just never fit in "well enough" and I don't like being perceived as weird. Maybe some people see me as creepy, but I'm a girl, so it's less likely.

That's catchy-and I can't think of who said it, either.
However, I do discuss & think about all three of these (ideas, events, and people)-attempting to comprehend & synthesize the levels at which one experiences living.

I benefit from access to the accumulated writings (or spoken words on tv) of strangers, without having to invest in intimate/close relationship with anyone in particular. Can learn information from people on tv, or through books (or by reading text online, such as on forums like WP), because I'm not forced/required/expected/obligated to reply/participate/attach to individuals personally. Much easier (less anxiety-provoking) than interacting w/people IRL.

Wrote this in a pm to a forum acquaintance, trying to explain how I communicate:
Know I ought to ask you questions (according to social convention of give & take exchange), but can't fake it. Am interested in humans as a whole, just hard for me to have curiosity towards any particular person. Mean no offense, merely stating how I am.

Wrote this in email to friend after freaking out at her party, hiding, and having to leave:
Like to learn from people, from what they say & do-but can't attune self to many others (tune self to multiple frequencies) all at once. Paying attention to anyone other than myself takes effort & feels like work, which is a very unflattering thing to say about myself, but there it is. Am interested in & curious about humans (other people) in general, but focusing on specific individuals (in a back & forth, give & take dynamic) doesn't come naturally to me (with notable exceptions, of course). Feel comfortable with (some, not all) people on tv because my reactions (or lack thereof) are imperceptible, since I'm distant audience-can feel "involved" and engaged because, paradoxically, I'm not responsible for (co-creating or participating in) situation.