Shared interests as a way of making friends

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The following is hypothetical. (But not hyperbolic .)

So, everyone has interests. People with Asperger's have intense interests, but not always interests that other people share. If you share them with someone else who also shares that interest, then you have something to talk about with that other person and, importantly, a /behavior/ about which you can be passionate. Moreover, since some degree of passion is required for friendship, you have something of value that a friendship can be built upon.

But what are you supposed to do when people don't share your interests, but you still need friends? A situation where this would be necessary might be found at work, at church, or, especially, at school. Maybe you can identify other peoples' interests and if you share them, share your passion in their interests with them, and if you don't share them, at least passionately relate them to your own interests to their interests (but within reason).

There would be a lot of work involved in this. First, you would have to compile a list of questions to ask people to know what their interests are, and second, you would have to spend time researching other people's interests to know what to say. The key would not to be passionate about the interest, but just about sharing what you know with the other person and relating it to what they know.

This sort of strategy obviously not help with facial expressions or body language, but maybe it still can be helpful. Or not. It's just hypothetical.

The only thing I had in common with my former best friend was our shared love of anime. It was the only thing that kept our relationship together, but I miss her very much.

All of my friendships have revolved around common interests. I don't know how to interact with people who don't share my interests. I would have nothing to say.

In my experience, shared interests has not been enough to make or keep friends. It's wonderful and fun, but it didn't make the people want to become long-time friends. Often, they have others who share the same interests and are more similar in values and behaviors too. Others lasted only for the time that a specific interest was very central in our lives. The moment that interest diminished for them or me, they were gone.

For just regular friendships, interests aren't really important. For romantic relationships, interests are everything. My main interest is South Park, and I broke things off with my last girlfriend (who lived 1,200 miles away and was an Aspie) because she didn't like South Park.

Tim

I think common interests are essential. If you don't have anything in common, what on Earth do you have to talk about?

you need something in common.

There is a lot of things I don't have in common with my friends. But the fact that we know what it is like to be socially anxious, means we have something fundamental in common. Apart from that we like doing stuff together like going to gigs and enjoy each other company. That is your shared interest. I do sometimes wonder if my friendship is lagging a bit compared to the two of them because the way I think is quite different, but they seem to accommodate me, it has stood the test of time. We are each different in our way.

My standards for friends and romantic partners are separate.

Tim

I guess having common interests is a little important for friendships, but I can't remember having a lot, if anything, in common with my friends from high school. I just remember that we got along. One friend that I have now, we don't have anything in common. At all. But we get along okay, so she keeps me around.