social skills

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How the heck do I learn social skills?

Experience, patience, kindness, willing to listen, willing to have fun with peers. It takes a number of things. Even I have a difficult time with people skills. Right now I feel slightly lonely.

What kind of social skills?

You'll have peers eventually. They'll basically come to YOU. You sound like you are high-functioning with your AS and you talk to everyone here as a friend, even a pest like me. If you can communicate with us, then eventually, you will find folks that have the same interests as you and you will be just fine.

Just be who you are, and what you do not know you can learn by watching and learning from others, not saying they will always get it right either - is there a wrong or right way!

But... How am I supposed to find people to socialise with?

The thing is you can't get too desperate. Basically I made a friend just by having a nice long conversation with her while getting our laundry done. The meeting was by accident.

That didn't answer my question...

I don't know then. I'm sorry.

well, there's rules, and there's life. We can't give you a pat answer for every social situation (but wouldn't it be nice...

Find people who share your interests, hang out where you like to hang out, etc. It's a good place to start..

Not every interaction is fraught with meaning. A simple 'hello', and 'how are you?' are just the equivalent of dogs sniffing each other... well maybe that's a little harsh... They're just semi-meaningless noises that people use to acknowledge each other..

Maybe some fundamental stuff is books on manners. While they're hopelessly quaint, they do give you the 'official rules' for society, though it may be the society of 1950.. I find Miss Manners to be interesting and instructive. Just a thought...

I don't hang out anywhere.

A frustrating dilemma for most of us Aspies is that we can't pursue a relationship/association with an NT via a direct approach. You can't walk up to someone and Say, "Hi. I'm _____. Will you be my friend?" or "You're cute. Will you be my girlfriend?" (Well, you can, but awkwardness typically ensues.)

It may appear to us Aspies, that an NT needs a reason to engage in a conversation with a stranger NT. What's not obvious, is that the reason can be small, trivial. It cab be insignificant; but it must be relevant.

For example: You can approach someone reading the paper and say "I see they're closing the old ____ store. It's such a shame." If there are no empty tables at at restaurant, sit next to someone eating and ask, "Have you tried the _____? It's very good.". On the bus or subway, say, "I wish this route ran more frequently, don't you?" You can even approach someone waiting and say, "Those are nice shoes. Where did you get them?"
If you can successfully use one line to initiate a conversation, you can use it again and again on different people.

Of course, success is not guaranteed. Some people are in disagreeable moods. Others might be concentrating, and resent interruption. Usually you can discern these things by their expression and their gestures.

It's also important to steer the conversation where the other person wants to talk. Let them ramble. If you listen to them, then they will tend to return the favor when you want to talk.

The most important thing is to not be discouraged by failure.

That's all I have to say. Hopefully you can use some of it.

Thanks for the advice. Now I have to get out...

berserker:
there's a hole in my bucket, dear Lisa, dear Lisa

lisa & al:
then fix it, dear berky, dear berky

&c&c&c&c&c&c&c

what the heck - personally, i think i prefer henry b.

Just walk up to the girls and talk to them. They can't all hate you.