How to know if a person genuinely cares as a friend?

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andantespianato
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14 Apr 2008, 7:16 pm

How do I know if a person genuinely cares as a friend? There is one person in particular who I am asking this because of. It usually takes me an insubordinate amount of time to form friendships with people and even then all my friends(all three of them) are really 'forward' kinda people who will talk to anyone. With this one friend it didnt take so long, we just got on and that was it. There was also a bit of a romance that never happened(it couldnt :(, at least not at that point in time anyway) so I think he kinda keeps his distance a bit too so as not to lead me on(thats what ive gathered from things he has said) but im not sure. Hes always really busy, he has a full time job and also works alot outside of that through more 'freelance' kinda stuff. He has said it alot that he cares about me, he has also said recently that im one of the most incredible and amazing people he has ever met. He said in the past that he hopes the woman he marries is just like me, that the biggest mistake of his life was not getting to know me sooner, that I will always have a special place in his heart and promised that would never change. After we had lost contact for a while he said that he had prayed every day that he would see me again... we then lost contact again but got back into contact a few years ago and have been good friends since. He insists that he means all of that only as a friend though, and not even as a best friend either but just a good friend. He has always said that he will always be there for me too but alot of the time when I contact him just for someone to talk to or for help with something I seem to annoy him or something....or he seems to suggest waiting until we meet up, which seems to work out at about an hour every two or three weeks at the moment. He has often cancelled last minute too, saying something came up at the last minute or whatever, but that hasnt happened in a few months now. He once told me he was too busy to meet up one week but then contacted me to meet up that week and told me when we met up that he had had that week off. He also said one time that hes not physically attracted to me but then said a few days later that he thinks alot of people would be very attracted to me. Its confusing 8O :(



hartzofspace
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14 Apr 2008, 7:37 pm

It sounds to me, as if he is paying tribute to all the wonderful, quirky and unique things that make up who you are, but is not attracted to you as a lover. This has happened to me, a lot. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you feel like you want something more from this relationship, it may not happen.


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m91
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15 Apr 2008, 4:58 am

As a rough guideline:

Genuine, true friend: They will talk to you everytime they see you, and they will help you when you need it.

Fake friends: They only come to you when they need your help, and doesn't care if you are dead or alive at all other times. When they need your help they act like you're their only friend.


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MichaelD
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15 Apr 2008, 6:19 am

m91 wrote:
Genuine, true friend: They will talk to you everytime they see you, and they will help you when you need it.


... haven't seen one yet and its been almost 30 years



Anna4077
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16 Apr 2008, 7:26 pm

A good rule of thumb is to pay attention to what people do, rather than what they say.

If someone is blowing you off all the time, they are probably not sincere. If they are a true friend, they will make an effort to spend time with you.



hartzofspace
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17 Apr 2008, 11:42 am

Anna4077 wrote:
A good rule of thumb is to pay attention to what people do, rather than what they say.

If someone is blowing you off all the time, they are probably not sincere. If they are a true friend, they will make an effort to spend time with you.


You are so right. It took me years to learn that one! I had a "friend" who, every time I called her on the phone, had a family member tell me she was either asleep or in the shower. I truly believed that she was either chronically fatigued, or on drugs. :lol:


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Zane
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17 Apr 2008, 12:16 pm

A true friend has you back no matter what.

A true friend is the one you can trust without a doubt in your heart.

A true friend is the one who will talk you down when you are heated and talk you up when you are down.

A true friend is ALWAYS loyal to his brothers.

A true friend may not know your favorite color, or your favorite band but they do know about your family, your life, and what really counts.

A true friend cares not because of benefits or perks but because you are family.

A true friend will always reply "yes" to a reasonable request.


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