Gossip is wrong

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I always found that unwritten rule ridiculous so I never follow it.

How are we supposed to talk about our feelings when someone has upset us? How are we supposed to talk about what someone did to us that we didn't like? How are we supposed to talk about what people do to us or say about us?


Like at work I said someone keeps telling me I need to use my common sense and the office clerk asked who says that and I said "Robin." How am I supposed to talk about what people say to me that make me feel bad about myself. It's not my fault I can't read between the lines well or connect the stinking dots. But at least I try memorizing patterns and steps.

Well, there's gossip and then there's gossip. There are people out there with nothing better to do with their time than to spread the dirt about every person in there little world. And you just know they're talking about you as soon as you turn your back on them.

I rather dislike it and them.

I don't care if people talk behind my back, just as long as I don't know about it. They all have every right to express themselves and are entitled to their opinions. They also have every right to talk about their feelings.

No they don't actually. In sane workplaces and schools excessive gossip is treated as a disciplinary issue. When it's out of control it's really just (yet another) form of bullying.

I don't think what you are describing is gossip. I mean if you were having a private conversation with a cooworker trying to sort out a communication, what it meant, and why it frustrated you, that is in a different category entirely. But, common sense would tell you that this conversation should be private and not, for instance, loudly in a common work or break area.
Gossip is like, did you hear that S split up from her husband but he won't move out and he is living in her basement. Or, J's husband is drunk every night and he's been sleeping on the couch and she changed the locks to get him to move out but then she gave him the new keys. My workplace is terrible for gossip. I hate knowing dirt on people, or knowing that these were maybe told in confidence and then spread all around.
Then again, on Friday I walked into the work area and everyone shut up real quick and I said were you talking about me? and P. said "Yeah." That was the end of that.

Gossip is spreading rumors or hurtful statements about another person (usually this is girl vs. girl) to isolate her from the social group, or it can just be oh did you hear so and so is getting engaged? Which is my innocent gossip. People will gossip but whether or not they/you use it in a harmful manner to hurt another person is where the line is drawn.

Gossip is human nature. It hurts, it helps, it destroys. But it also allows for social conversations and sharing witch in turn gives report.

Every person I have ever met except for my two uncles gossiped. Especially girls, women, and the likes. Women love to chat.

In my humble opinion gossiping is different than discussing. When I am upset with someone I discuss my feeling with a close friend or relative I trust. I do not flame or talk s**t about the person just inform the non biased middle man/woman of my dilemma.

Gossiping to me is when you intentionally speak about something when you do not have enough facts to make a true statement. EG: I herd, Someone told me

If some one can not state their source then I do not trust them. If what they said interests me enough I will investigate further.

Examples : When someone tells other people that Jimmy is dead. But really Jimmy just got the flu.

When Sally tells Sarah that She heard Jenna had sex with Jonah. But in reality they only went out to dinner and a movie. Or were seen kissing at a party.

Another thing that bugs me is when people are upset and then go around and tell every one "So and So" is a horrible person. "So and So" is mean, and never shares... etc. etc. etc.

When people do this they spread half truths about another person they dirty the image of "so and Sos" character . And then since people respect their friend telling them this, they too become angry at the other person.

To me that is unproductive. A better approach is to have a face to face with the person or suck it up and put away your pride.

Hope this helps,

-Zane

I have rarely spoken about others by name but to answer how we are supposed to talk about our feelings, we can still do that but not name the person that has upset us or we can go and talk with people who don't know and are never likely to meet that person.

I have had to think about this issue a lot because someone confused me last year and all year I said nothing and eventually became quite unhappy because I simply didn't know what to do. Eventually, I talked to someone who was unaware of the person and was able to sort the issue out.

The danger in not speaking at all is that aspies can easily be taken in by people who are out to deceive others and that has happened to me twice now quite severely. If I felt confused now, I would find one of my good neurotypical friends and ask what they thought.

Overall, unless something is common knowledge, I think its best not to talk about others by name and if you have a problem, find someone sensible to help clear things up before things get too bad.