Not sure how to resolve conflict with a friend.

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autisticstar
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18 Apr 2008, 8:11 am

Recently a friend of mine called me and told me that she didn't like another friend of mine and needed some time away from me. What happened was that on two occasions I asked her if this friend could join her and some other friends for a social gathering. One was a birthday lunch at a restaurant and the other was a dinner at her parents' house. I did ask her if it was o.k. and she seemed fine with it. I apologized to her on the telephone and I haven't heard anything from her in a month. Yesterday I sent her a card and a letter. I explained to her about being on the autism spectrum and not being able to read nonverbal cues very well and thus on many occasions I am not aware that my behavior or speech has upset another person. I guess I will give it another month and see what happens. If I don't hear from her for another month what should I do?



velodog
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18 Apr 2008, 12:41 pm

Drop contact, she's not worth your time. If she makes nice in the future tell her to piss off.



french_immersion
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18 Apr 2008, 12:43 pm

thats depressing :( also its not always a good idea to tell people about being on the autistic spectrum. people generally dont understand or take it the wrong way.



KatieRose212
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18 Apr 2008, 2:43 pm

To be honest I think you did the right thing by writing a letter to her - but you SHOULDN'T have told her you had a ASD... people can mis-interpret these kinds of things.

Anyway, just ignore her and if she makes contact, talk to her then.



Miyah
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18 Apr 2008, 5:06 pm

AS,
it's not your problem that this girl hates your friend. I really think that she is acting like a 5th grader if she acts like that towards your friends and then is nice to their faces. I mean that is wrong, I'm sorry.



autisticstar
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21 Apr 2008, 5:01 pm

Well, it's been over a week now and I am positive my friend got the letter I sent to her since we live a very short distance from each other and it has not come back to me. I have not hear anything from her yet. I am sad because friends are so hard to come by. I just have this sick feeling that she wants to end the friendship but doesn't have the courage to tell me she wants to end the friendship. Not hearing anything at all is worse then her telling me she doesn't want to be friends anymore. At least if she told me she didn't want to be friends anymore I would know where I stood. It would still suck, but I would much rather people be honest and say how they really feel instead of just putting on a smile and pretending that everything is o.k. Maybe we just don't have much in common anymore. I have suggested several different things to do and nothing seems to interest her. It just doesn't make sense that she would invite me over for a get together at her house and then all of a sudden decide she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I think I'll give it one more month and then if I don't hear anything I think I will contact her and say, look, if you don't want to be friends anymore please just tell me. When I talked to her on the phone the last time she said it wasn't a forever thing in in terms of seeing me again. I don't know if my letter made things worse or not. I had the best of intentions. It just sucks when I try to make people understand and they just think I'm making up excuses and am full of BS. Today I am just feeling completely rejected .



velodog
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22 Apr 2008, 10:04 am

autisticstar, she tried to place you in an untenable position by dumping your other friend. You were being a good person by not doing so. She is really not worth your time as a friend.



kleodimus
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22 Apr 2008, 12:42 pm

you sound like a nice person and could probably get much better friends :) IMO drop her



Miyah
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23 Apr 2008, 6:16 pm

AS, I totally agree with these two posters here. I am sure you have better friends too.