"Just kidding!"

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What's the deal with people who say something mean to you and then say that they're just kidding? People have done this to me and I yelled at them and then they got all worked up. Are they really kidding? Are they just saying this so they can keep making fun of me and I just think of them as just kidding? I don't understand this at all.

I think it would depend on the circumstances and what they said.
However, personally I only say what I mean and I don't understand why other people would say what they didn't mean. Surely it's just a waste of time?

And you probably never will, I still don't.
I've had a problem with this all my life.
Why do they do it? I guess it's funny to them. I don't know if they're really kidding, it could be good natured or they could just be messing with you because they know it upsets you.
My suggestion would be to try to ignore it, if you don't react it's not much fun for them.
I know it's hard.

It's just like when people say sorry.

They try to avoid conflict. It is quite confusing.

This sort of thing used to happen to me a lot when I was a teen. It's been my experience that it usually is a form of subtle bullying, especially by females. It's a way for the bully to hurl an insult at you, but make it socially acceptable by adding the "just kidding" after it. That way if you become upset they can make you look like you're being overemotional. Although, there are times when people are just teasing you in a good natured way, so it's kinda hard to tell.

The first type you mentioned is a lot more obvious, but it's really confusing when people who I know like me do it. Like sometimes my fiance will do it and I know he would never make fun of me to hurt me, just maybe harmlessly poke fun at me in a cute way. Those are the times when it's really confusing.

I don't like it. I don't see how it's funny except for the "kidder", in so far as they can enjoy how it confuses/misleads someone else. I have never understood what is supposed to be amusing or friendly about this ...

... except when i wasn't being very nice, was drunk and unfeeling, or hypo-manic, or felt only contempt/indulgent patronage for someone, and then i knew perfectly well that there is nothing friendly about it, or amusing for anyone except the "kidder"(s)! .

I think what they meant was it was friendly teasing?

Of course, some people might use it maliciously, then you have every right to get upset.

How do you tell, though, especially when it's someone you don't talk to often? If it's someone I know well and who I talk to a lot, I know they're just teasing me in the way that friends do sometimes, but if it's someone I don't know well, I don't know their motivation.

I think that the best rule of thumb is to try to let the teasing/insult just slide off of you, or make a joke about it. Losing your temper at people you don't know very well isn't very helpful. If it happens a lot with a friend, you migh want to let them know that it bothers you, because it sounds like it does.

I hereby give you a no-contact Cyber hug! It's not fun when you don't know if someone is trying to be mean to you or not.

Hi, whenever someone is trying to "jerk my chain," whatever that means (!), I can usually fall back on one of these comebacks:

1. "EXCUSE me?????"
2. "You've GOT to be kidding me."
3. "Gee, I haven't heard THAT one since ... 5th grade."

Just some ideas. I only use these if I'm really not in the mood. The important thing is to not be obviously rattled--If someone is joking, it will be even funnier if they see you're rattled. If they are NOT joking and actually harassing you, then obviously rattling you is the goal and you shouldn't let them win.

Best Regards,

Patrick

It comes very quickly, I can tell you that!

One thing that works REALLy well against this type of thing, if you can pull it off: No matter what they say, just asy "Okay." Say it like you don't care at all, throw in a shrug if you like. They hate this.

For example:
"Your hair looks horrible!"
"Okay."
"Just Kidding!"
"Okay."

Try it, it's actually kind of fun to watch them get all pissed off.

or better yet, if you know them,
you can , quickly retort something and say you are kidding (however try to use your best judgement on what you comment, it'll take practice, and tone is a key)

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