Friends and Age Difference

Post Reply New Topic

I can't make lasting nor good relationships with other teenagers. I often spend time with people a lot older than me; like the staff and teachers at my high school. We have conversations about things that actually matter. I mean, most teenage girls my age want to talk about what boy is cute, the girl in history class who is fat, or how their parents are being unfair toward them when they are really the ones being unfair.

My father really doesn't understand that I don't crave relationships with people my age. He tells me, "It's weird for a sixteen year old to talk to a forty year old teacher about physics." It kind of crushes me since the forty year old is the only person who will actually talk to me about physics instead of telling me to shut up or talking behind my back.

Have any of you ever had a friend with a major age difference?

I have rarely been friends with anyone my own age (35). My friends are usually older. All of my boyfriends have been about 10 years older than me.

Well, when I was your age, I felt just like you do about my peers. I had an English teacher who I talked to a lot, but looking back at it, it was an unhealthy and damaging relationship. I feel like I ought to share it, just in case your situation is similar. Not that it is, or that it sounds that way. It's just the Mama Bear in me coming out.

I was really unhappy in high school, and desperately needed a good adult role model and mentor. At the time I didn't recognize that I needed that. The conversations that I had with my English teacher at first were always in the guise of being about something lofty and academic, but they quickly degenerated into sexual talk. That made me feel so grown-up, if a "real man" found me worthy of sex talk. He never did anything physical, but years later I recognized that he had a lot of ill-natured "fun" at my expense. There were times when I confided things to him, and as a teacher, he should have expressed concern for my welfare and helped get me on the right path. I was too naive and gullible to really understand what had happened and how I had been emotionally mistreated until decades later.

So, I really hope that your physics teacher is someone who not only talks with you about physics, and respects you as a person, but also recognizes that you are at a vulnerable, transitioning time of life, and respects the student/teacher relationship. If that's what you have, that's worth a lot, and probably more valuable that same-age friends.

I'm 16 and my best friend is 19. On forums boards I visit, I am usually the youngest.

I try to ignore age differences, but I get slightly annoyed whenever some forum troll says I'm stupid just because I'm young.

I was always had friends older than me when younger (school age), mainly because I was interested in astronomy, electronics and science; and my peers were into the movies and sports, things which seemed pointless to me and of course my interest were pointless to them.

This is yet another example of why High School is such a hell-hole.

As far as maturity goes, aspies seem to typically be ahead of their peers. Its not universal and its not constant, but some of High School's "good days" still contained so much immature crap (from faculty and students) that I honestly can't remember a time in my life when I wouldn't've thought myself above it (and I can remember back to when I was 3...)

Basically, screw em. Your not 'normal' (read: typical) and you better be glad you aren't. Your life is going to get a lot better when you fully accept that being typical is a curse you don't have.

Talk about the things that interest you passionately and do the things you are good at and enjoy, and you will be happy. Oh, and don't give it a second thought. That is important, because girls tend to like guys who don't give a damn what others think (and there are so many variations on this theme I wont go into it).

You might not like your typical girl, or any specific girl, but I'm willing to bet you like the idea of a girl liking you.

As you further pursue your interests you will begin to see how they can be applied to other matters. You will branch out and learn how to actually care about the things you can see no use for right now. This becomes a lot more important in college.

But, since I know that saying 'just wait for college' isnt that nice of tactic since you were probably told high school was going to be better then middle school, just like I was, I will give you this in the here-and-now to benefit you:

I like physics and will gladly talk to you about it or most any other geeky subject. Just send me a forum message and Ill give you my email.