Girl being friendly towards everyone except me

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mikibacsi1124
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11 Sep 2008, 5:32 pm

There's this girl at the college radio station where I work who I kinda had feelings for for a while, and although I've pretty much accepted that it's not going to happen, I still want to be friends with her. No, I haven't told her how I feel - it's possible that I've made it obvious with my behavior and body language and whatnot, but it's not like I've been really flirtatious or anything. For the record, she is the Promotions Director and I am the Production Director, though neither of us were managers when we first met.

I guess a big part of what attracted me to her, besides some common interests, is her general demeanor. She's really warm, friendly, laid-back, cheerful and affectionate. She always has a smile on her face and says the types of things that would make me feel really good. At least, that's how she is towards most people, whether it's people she's known a while or someone she's just met. But it's become increasingly obvious that she just doesn't give me the same type of treatment. She's only moderately friendly towards me at best, and flat-out cold at worst. A lot of the things I say just get shrugs or blank stares. Again, this is in stark contrast to how she treats everyone else.

What could this possibly mean? The most obvious answer would be that she just doesn't like me for whatever reason, but maybe there's more to it? Is it remotely possible that she likes me too and is "playing hard to get" and/or is just shy around me? Could I be coming off as cold and unfriendly towards her, or like someone who doesn't want that type of affection, due to my body language or tone of voice? I've certainly tried to be friendly towards her, but who knows? I suppose it's also possible I'm being TOO friendly, though I feel like I've been restraining myself from doing anything that could possibly be invading her personal space.

Any thoughts?



11 Sep 2008, 6:55 pm

Can you ask her what is bothering her about you? What does she want from you? etc. Ask her.



Fnord
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11 Sep 2008, 7:07 pm

Why do you let this one girl's actions bother you? As I pointed out in another thread, no one can make you feel anything without your cooperation.



gbollard
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11 Sep 2008, 10:27 pm

Why not ask her (or write to her) and say that;

mikibacsi1124 wrote:
She always has a smile on her face and says the types of things that would make me feel really good. At least, that's how she is towards most people, whether it's people she's known a while or someone she's just met. But it's become increasingly obvious that she just doesn't give me the same type of treatment.


Then follow it up with (before she can reply);

I just want to apologise if I've done anything to offend you. I really like you but I feel like I've put my foot in it somehow. Can you tell me what I need to be doing to smooth things over.

Sometimes honesty gets you places that trying to be cool doesn't.

Good luck.



hale_bopp
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12 Sep 2008, 4:49 am

In a nutshell, as soon as I read the first line of the post, I knew the problem. She's sensed you had feelings for her, and she does not have feelings back.

Being rude or distant to you and not others is a non speech way of showing you she isn't interested. She doesn't want you to fancy her.

You could eitehr tell her you you aren't interested in her, or treat her the same way back. I would guarentee that if you were cold and distant with her, she would warm up a bit. Can't promise anything though.

DON'T ask her whats bothering her. It may make things worse, because I can tell you, it will be what I said.

Hard to get may be another option, but I don't really know enough information about the case. does she talk about you a lot to others? I've liked people a lot in the past and acted cold to "play hard to get", but I talk about them all the time to others.



DustinWX
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12 Sep 2008, 7:59 am

Girls don't play hard to get outside of middle school, and the whole notion of that is rather immature. You probably do what I do, and stare at her or try to interact and then I always wonder what the f**k happened when she quits being friendly to me... don't worry about it, and it's terrible advice to "ask" what you did wrong.



hale_bopp
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12 Sep 2008, 8:04 am

DustinWX wrote:
Girls don't play hard to get outside of middle school


Oh yes they do.

ftr: Staring at her WILL make it worse. A LOT worse.