Need advise with a girl...

Post Reply New Topic

The story so far: In my workplace, i met a very nice girl[*]. I'm AS, she is likely NT but very, very shy.

The real problem is this: While i'm accepable at talking to people, she more or less doesn't talk at all. For the two or so years, i'll never seen her initiating a conversation at with anyone. When i speak to her,she seems to blush a lot (good sign?), but answers in short sentences only.

From what little i can decipher from body language she seems to like me.... but what next step should i take?

[*] And by nice i mean that "i'm-cute-but-hot" kind of nice

Stare at the floor, mumble, and talk about Star Trek trivia ...

give her occasional compliments about things you like about her.

*feels her hair through my hands* "hmm, your hair is nice and interesting" (yes I did that to a girl IRL)

At your work? Ask her to go with you to lunch sometime- this you can do casually and without risk. When lunchtime comes, just make sure to walk past her on your way out and ask if she'd like to join you. If it goes well, maybe ask her to a movie or something.

Sounds like a good idea Orwell.
I go for the direct approach and get really scared by doing it (making me want to run away), say I like you can I run away now? I think Orwell's idea is a lot safer and less stressful.

Before you ask her to go anywhere, make sure that your workplace is okay with employee fraternization - some employers don't like it. Also, remember workplace involvements that don't work out are awkward if you still have to work with the person after a breakup. Are you also equal in rank at work? If there is an inequality, someone could argue harassment if things don't work out.

Having said the above motherhood statement and totally raining on your parade I would say if everything is green light, do ask her out for something neutral, like a lunch or a coffee. She sounds familiar - I am also not someone to initiate conversations, and my answers are cropped, mostly because I tend to panic and say much less than I wanted to. I am more comfortable writing than speaking, and even then I have a hard time answering an e-mail if it is less than neutral. If she is like me, don't make sudden moves - i.e. let things progress at her rate. For me, it takes a lot of self-convincing to come out of my shell, because sometimes I have to overcome the feeling that someone is talking to me because they feel sorry for me in some way, and that they are just being "nice". If she gets consistency from you, she will probably start to talk a little more.

As I say, I am projecting myself on her, so I have given you what would work best on me. Good luck

I was gonna say -- Talk nerdy to me.

Lunch at work is ok, but if you're going out -- anything but out for lunch or a coffee... All you can do is sit and stare at each other and watch each other eat. (shudders) E-mail could work. It's so much easier to answer when you have time to think.

That's my first impulse. Then again, if you've been working on it for two years, I'd say that her pace is too slow. Stuff happens, one of you will move on to another job, and you'll be kicking yourself for not seizing the opportunity.

How about a bit of chutzpah when no one else is looking? I don't know specifically what, but maybe she needs to be led at first. Have you ever made her laugh? What kinds of things does she laugh at?