Managing Fundamental Differences in Outlook and Values

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In general, I subscribe to the notion of live and let live; that is, I try not to be overly concerned with getting people to share my views and instead just absorb and reflect on the differences in thought, opinion, and attitude. Sometimes, however, conflict occurs because the gap is fundamental and I'm in situations (e.g., work) where repeated interaction is required. How do you guys manage this?

For example, a manager or supervisor might emphasize the importance of perceptions and a professional "image" above all else. His overall outlook may be overly judgmental and simplistic: He may discuss at lunch, for example, his dislike of his neighbors' children while seemingly acknowledging the parents are raising their children somewhat negligently (I dislike this attitude because it results in the marginalization, from a young age, of people whose problems, if they are indeed problems, are mostly the result of others). Another aspect of the outlook I dislike is the assumption that traditions, policies, etc. are inherently right and best (I consider pretty much all things questionable even if they may be workable or useful in practice); the notion that there may be cases where they produce a poor outcome or may even be wrong does not seem to register for him. Another coworker might come across as overly materialistic and also just a little bit difficult to work with (often likes to rudely/derisively cut people off when he feels they're wasting his time, likes to quasi-jokingly boast about how good he is or how right he must be); obviously his core values are different as well. Another coworker might a conservative Christian, but they're generally not much of a problem if they're not proselytizing (which most workplaces forbid). Another coworker might be totally absorbed by popular culture's by-products and aesthetic experience and thus scarcely ever says anything interesting.

My solution so far has been to feign minimal interest and not be overtly hostile. If the guy's my boss, I can't openly tell him I think he's an idiot for who he is. In the immediate future, I will not be getting a new job. In the grand scheme of things, you'll always deal with people you don't get along with quite as well anyway.

well you're placing yourself in a neutral or superior position. no-one is neutral they just flatter themselves that they are. maybe you could examine your own faults instead of others.

Lab Pet ignores as well. There is much self-righteousness and judgment of others which is of no consequence. I do think neurotypicals (no offense intended, really) often just like to talk and the topic does not really matter. The easiest talk is about others, such as gossip. Superficial, yes, but reality.

NeantHumain - I think you are right in just 'disconnecting.' I do too; or I just don't care. Profoundly don't care. The hurtful part: I hate when an innocent is slandered! What are the speakers (not) thinking? There is much to be said for silence.

At the workplace (well, anyplace) work is the priority and gossip/talk is merely an interference. If/when I hear others overtly expressing their unwarranted opinioins I can try to divert the topic back to what is appropriate and meaningful.

I do understand neurotypicals have an innate need to talk, which is fine. Everyone has opinions, of course! If you have an interaction-type job maybe you'll be respected as the one who concentrates on work - the priority. Not dissecting each other.

A sense of humor helps since this transitions th topic and lightens-up an otherwise potential contentious situation. I get along well with most everyone but I couldn't possibly take everyone's opinions too seriously. Some are there to just entertain themselves.

I think you seem to be managing things quite well.

As an NT I guess my thought process is this .. " If I speak up here.. and voice my opinion, what will be the consequence..
am I going to sit quietly or am I so simply outraged that I do not care about the consequence.
Is my outrage at the topic of conversation going to be seen as " right " by those others present ( if there are others present )If I am going to be in the minority and I do not feel " that strongly .. I may just choose to hold my tongue.

If it is something I feel strongly enough about then no doubt I will speak up and then see what happens.

Recently I spoke up about a co-workers behaviour which was completely inappropriate in the workplace ( she decided to email around the entire workplace pictures of naked women) She thought the email was funny, I thought it was pretty embarrassing for many of the people there.. so I spoke up. That co-worker does not talk to me a lot outside of work issues that we need to communicate about now and that is fine with me. She went down in my estimation hugely from that point onwards.

As for telling your boss what you think, if you don't mind having no job, then go for it. But I would be inclined to look for a new job, find one .. then tell him what you think. I took great satisfaction in doing that once .. and never regretted it. There is a time and place for everything .. and judging what that is .. is the tricky part I guess

No, actually, I'm bothered because, for example, my boss's outlook affects his expectations, so it has a direct consequence on me as long as I work there. For the other coworkers, it's mostly having to socialize with people with vastly different outlooks than you and little common ground (besides the employer itself).

Yeah, that's the way it goes, unless you're self employed.



This is normal, everyone feels like this. It's like the 'other' family, you can't choose them.