I thought I'd share some thoughts. I have asperger syndrome and I have had it much better these days in terms of making friends, partially because I'm in college and people are more open, but also because I learned better skills in doing so. I find the best way to make friends is first of all to be open minded toward all kinds of activities. Yeah, there are somethings we will just never want to do, but the best way is to increase you relm of interest. Find a good number of things you like in different categories. Art, Music, Entertainment, Science, Philosophy, anything; maybe even sports if that's cool to you, which it was never for me.
Also first impressions are very important. It is important to be aware of how you are presenting yourself. If you present yourself as unconfident and unlikeable by others, people are naturally going to take that in and use it to judge their opinion of you. Be expressive, but be a good listener. Talk about what you like, but leave room for others to talk as well. It never hurts to ask if you're talking too much, people like people who care about the people they are talking to. Keep moderate eye contact. This one is hard because it's about balance. When you don't look at someone in a conversation, they feel you are uninterested, I know that you are but that's the que people get. However when you stare at them too much, people feel uncomfortable.. So balance the eye contact. Don't stare, but don't drift off into space. It's important for us aspies to learn how to be good listeners.
Another important part of making friends is choosing who to try to become friends with. Different groups of people are going to be more open than others. There are some people that I like to call bricks#$tters. These are people who are very very picky about who they surround themselves with and if you are not perfect, they s@#$ enough bricks to build a house. Avois these people, they are just not worth your time, even though unfortunatley, they are often the most attractive-looking. Look for people who not only share your interests, but are also flexable people. Analyze how they talk to you. Are they making eye contact with you, are their responses more than six or seven words. If they are, chances are they find you interesting and like you, if not, you're best not getting too attached to them because they are probably not interested.
I've done much better since I've gotten to college. I have more people I can call friends that I know what to do with. I don't have ALL the answers but feel free to ask questions.
29 Sep 2008, 12:16 am
