Local kids

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Something happened tonight that I'd like to share. I was on my way to a church service when a group of kids started making small talk with me and asking me questions.

I live on a housing estate in Edinburgh. I have been at my current address since the start of the year, and since being here what happened tonight isn't the first time something like this has happened.

It's a situation I find tricky and I wanted to know if fellow Aspies are/have been in this situation and what they've done about it and what advice they have about it.

Tonight, when I explained what I was doing, the kids were saying they wanted to come along to church with me. In my haste to think of a way to avoid kids going around in my company, I was easily able to convince them the church was too far away for them.

These kids tend to make small talk and ask biographical/demographical questions. Does this sound familiar to anyone or can anyone relate? When girls have been involved they have talked in a "chatting up" sort of style or been flirty. It's a concern I'm placed in that situation because they are young teens/under age.

They are always friendly, though no doubt in the most superficial way. None have ever been nasty or hostile. I am always as open and friendly with them as possible, I am sure I can't afford to be otherwise with these kids lest I am seen as creepy or threatening. But it concerns me that I am placed in this situation. As a single adult male these conversations wouldn't have happened the other way round, in other words I wouldn't have approached them for a chat. Any similar experiences, anyone?

Um... good question, I hope someone has a good answer.

I perceive this as a dangerous situation, a trouble trap, to be carefully avoided. I can't think of a good way to talk to them. I suppose I'd try to assume a position of authority and question them on where they are supposed to be, maybe as "a security watchman on the way to the police station" or something like that. I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

Kids have no good business with adults in that situation as far as I know.
Can you go to church on a bicycle instead?

I've been molested by youngsters on crowded subway trains but I really can't figure out if they are intentionally doing that or attempting to pick my pockets. Again, no good business in that situation. It always looks like trouble. Everyone should mind their own business, I think!

Very familiar. Though the kids I am thinking of have been younger.

There are safety rules for kids about this, and you may as well remind them of those rules. They may not go anywhere with you, you do not go with them, your conversations shall always occur in public, there will be no hugging or touching, the kids stay with their group and none are ever alone with you, the girls who are flirting are behaving foolishly and inappropriately. If it is possible and you can stand it, attempt to briefly meet their parents, tell them your name, shake hands, and let them know that their kids have been talking with you and that you want them to be aware of it.

I've had any number of neighbor-kids who would run to me in order to hear me give them the common and scientific name of any insect, frog or snake they happened to catch, and tell them little natural-history facts about it. It was a good thing, as they also obeyed my suggestion that, having identified their catch, they take it back where they found it and let it go again. It was fun, too. I'd also occassionally 'referee' their games. Well, not really, they just assigned me that role while I was sitting on my front step reading, but I did look up from time to time and indifferently make the required judgement-calls, so they were happy. I never let them in the house, we talked on the step so everybody in the neighborhood could see the entire exchange, and I was on friendly terms with their parents. Once there was a little girl who really wanted to hang out with me, but I had to tell her she could not. Her parents wouldn't meet me, she was always alone, she was a girl, and her family was the only household near enough to see what was going on in front of my house. That was really scary because the parents were deeply unfriendly and at the same time I was having this ongoing argument about them letting their Rottweiler stand in front of my house and growl at my students, and the little girl had a hard time accepting that "No," and kept coming back to ask again.

If you don't want to talk to them, you can just politely excuse yourself after the customary greetings. If you don't entertain their questions much ("Sorry, I must be going,") and they're not, like that little girl, incredibly desperate for adult attention, it'll probably rapidly become a situation where they're the kids you say "Hi," to and walk by.