Online friends and appropriate boundries question

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kitsunetsuki
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01 Oct 2008, 6:03 am

I have an online friend, I only interact with him online.( we met in a forum because of an interest ) I also have some friends I use MSN and yahoo to communicate with because they live far away now or we can't always get together but this one person who I know sorta flips out if I am not available to him everyday and it's not just that he wants me to chat with him any time he wants and gets bothered and upset if I'm quiet for too long , like say an hour. I think this is a bit over much we have been communicating for nearly three years now but he can't seem to get that I really don't have all that much to say or even want to talk that much he takes it as me hating him if I don't say hi about every hour. so some days I never answer him even though if I log on there will be 11 or so lines of are you there? are you ok? Hi Hi Hey BUZZ etc. I have been trying to explaine I don't even talk that much in real life, I can go very long periods without saying much before I had kids it could be weeks( they often take every ounce of social stamina , well not so much them, but more i have to interact with others in seeing their outside interests and needs for socialising get met).

I feel like I sorta want to stay friends, he doesn't have many, he tells me this a lot and that I'm his only friend( I sometimes think if I didn't talk to him maybe he would go out and find a friend near by him) and I know it's hard to be alone but i can't seem to get him to accept my boundries. I work at my computer I also have MSN on a lot to talk with my best friend (someone else) throughout the day but I made a separate MSN to talk to them now so I can avoid this other person.

What is a normal amount of interaction.Some days I just have nothing to say, and it seems dumb to be asked what I'm doing fifty times a day because I'm either working playing a game away from my computer being with family or cooking or cleaning , it's really not all that interesting and I follow the exact same schedule everyday ?i even eat the same things. i try and get him to talk about his thoughts and stuff but all he wants to know is exactly what I'm doing where I am what i eat, who I talk to, and stuff like that. Is this normal NT behaviour?

Should I end the friendship if that's what it is?



Ishmael
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01 Oct 2008, 10:40 am

Yeah... That's a serial killer you got, there. Loners you've never met in person=dangerous and unpredictable. If'n yer uncomfortable with the idea of being rude by just outright saying you don't want contact, lie! Congratulations! You are now moving house :wink:


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MissConstrue
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01 Oct 2008, 11:27 am

Yeah it's those people that annoy me. They seem to take it personal if I don't answere them right away or don't reply. As if my whole life revolved around the internet.


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Anicho
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01 Oct 2008, 11:41 am

Try to limit your use if you're on there that long too.



kitsunetsuki
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01 Oct 2008, 12:12 pm

I'm not likely to limit the time I have my computer on or that I'm at as it would interfere with getting my work done (I work from home and thankfully get to avoid most in person interaction) , I may have messenger on in the background usually on as invisible because I don't use the telephone and my mom and other family members couldn't contact me otherwise. mostly i'm just thinking of blocking this guy. I think his behaviour is kind of abnormal , but I really have no idea how most people interact maybe constant chatter back and forth is normal? I really don't know, my family just send short messages and other friends only talk if they have something important. my day is pretty much like this, get up , bicycle an hour or walk, make breakfast for the kids , send my daughter to school, homeschool my son till noon make lunch(he has online classes for the latter part of the day), work from after lunch to about four or five(some days I will get up and clean or such during the time I normally work , my output is what counts not the hours) if everything isn't done I'll finish it later , go for another walk after supper, make sure homework gets done get kids to bed , finish work if needed maybe play an online game for a couple of hours , or spend time with my kids papa while watching tv ,sleep, weekends I don't work or school we usually do a family activity such as going to the park the zoo or a museum. The kids have some after school activities but as I don't drive their papa will take them.

edit punctuation and spelling, been staying up way too late



ValMikeSmith
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01 Oct 2008, 1:25 pm

I don't use messenger but doesn't it have automatic excuses like

Out of office/Busy Working/Away from computer/In a meeting/Sleeping/Out to Lunch/Offline?



alex
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01 Oct 2008, 1:30 pm

i can't deal with IM anymore except for task oriented things. if someone wants to have a real conversation, they can talk to me IRl or on the phone. I don't have time to type "i'm fine thanks. How are you?" on IM. most of the times people have nothing to say to me on IM and they just try to ask "what's up" and stuff like that. If you want to know what's up, you can look at my twitter or facebook status and with that I don't have to type the same thing over and over again.



MrMark
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01 Oct 2008, 2:06 pm

alex wrote:
I don't have time to type "i'm fine thanks. How are you?" on IM. most of the times people have nothing to say to me on IM and they just try to ask "what's up" and stuff like that.

Indeed.


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wrongshoes
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11 Oct 2008, 2:55 pm

Ishmael wrote:
Yeah... That's a serial killer you got, there.

I agree. There's actually a psychological term for people creating a relationship in their head that isn't really there in real life (I can't think of what it is). It's the same thing as when someone thinks a celebrity they've never met is their true love.

I had a "friend" like this once, and I ended it.



Keeno
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11 Oct 2008, 5:57 pm

It's going a bit far to accuse the guy of being a serial killer, though I wouldn't be surprised if you met one on the Internet.

People I talk to online avoid talking to me left right and centre, which I am upset about, but I don't go around getting mad at them.

If you are troubled that much by this guy, just block him.