Aspies Bad Mimes? (Or, There IS a nonverbal path to China!)

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I have started doing intensive reading on non-verbal communication. I just found out something fascinating:

One of the main ways NTs subconsciously understand the non-verbal signals of other NTs is by mimicking them.

NTs aren't consciously aware of it, but an NT will shift his body to a similar position to the person to whom he's speaking. This gives him a subconscious "feel" for that other person, because he has programmed emotional responses to the position of his OWN body.

I'm pretty sure aspies don't do this. I've watched myself and a few others. They rarely mimic, and they don't get the subconscious "feel" for the other person through duplicating the posture. That's why we so often get lost in small talk and such. We're not playing the whole game, and we give off wacky signals because we don't speak through our postures in the same way.

But there are BOOKS that detail what the behaviors mean. With their help, might it not be possible to CONSCIOUSLY train oneself to mimic, and learn what the postures and gestures mean, so that one will have pretty near all the info inherent in the exchange?

I think so. I think it might work, at least to some extent. I'm going to try. If any of y'all have any useful information on this, please let me know.

I'd love to share with others who are interested in this sort of experiment, or similar ones.

Very interesting. Looks like I have some reading to do!

Thanks for sharing that.

I emulate empathy by remember mannerisms of various characters i have invented and stolen from movies and television and stories. I think of it as having multiple personalities but with no memory problems.

I'm quite sure it would work. IMO, the problem's not entirely caused by missing some "sixth sense" of nonverbal clues, it's also from being too constantly overloaded to be able to spare energy to notice them. I've observed in some situations it's much easier to read subvocals than others... and they tend to be situations that are more relaxed, that I'm more used to, that don't call on me to be constantly talking (like sitting with a few friends who are carrying a conversation with me on the periphery). So if you can identify and decrease your overload, you might have better luck with teaching yourself body language reading.

I don't know. I mirror people when I am interested in them, like them, relate to them, etc. But I have to say that it is 100% more pronounced when the other person is also autistic, any kind of autistic. It's almost as though the tendency to act more profound is in there lingerign somewhere...

If I become really wrapped up in a person I take it as far as even starting to dress as they do, stand the way they do, similar gestures, figures of speech, etc.

I think Cockney Rebel is the same way with Austin Powers!

I really don't get much out of NT body language - it rarely tells me anything. And I can't do eye contact with NTs either, which is a big part of nonverbal communication. I find with certain people though (always on our end of the spectrum), I can understand all their body language and I usually don't have any problem with eye contact with them. (Not a conscious thing on my part, it just seems to happen this way on it's own.) I'm always blown away by the difference though - when I'm around one of those people where I'm picking up on their nonverbals, I'm tapping into a whole world of communication that I'm missing with everyone else. There's SO MUCH going on - it's very easy to believe what they say about communication being 85% (?) nonverbal. So I know what a difference it would make if I could learn to tap into that nonverbal stuff with everyone instead of just a few people.

My therapist once explained the mirroring posture phenomenon to me: when he noticed for the first time that while he did it naturally with most clients, he never had the urge to do it with me. I told him it was probably because I wasn't giving off any body language worth reading (my default public posture is rigid and overcontrolled). So it goes both ways... it's not just spectrum people failing to mirror others, they fail to mirror us too.

Well, that's what's odd. I mirror other people (select people, as I said- not everyone) but I don't really understand or read body language. It is just that when I become infatuated with a person, I find myself imitating them unconciously, to such a degree that it must appear almost ludicrous. One guy was flat footed and stood differently becuase of it- I found myself standing the exact same way as he did, even though my arches are fine!!

It is like the person becomes an obsession for me and I try to 'wear' them and everything I love about them.

I just started noticing that I do that! It really freaks me and I try not to do it, but it feels natural for some reason. I've been improving on my social skills, and mirroring happened to just pop up.

The responses here have been fascinating.

It is my belief that, in the area of body language skills, a great deal can be learned consciously.

I am a writer by trade, and I have been discussing with one of the Moderators about putting up a series of articles on non-verbal communication skills for aspies on WP.

The plan right now is to post one article as a thread to see whether people dig it. I'll post the link here when it's up. I'd love to get feedback! If it takes off, there will be more to follow.

Well, and like I said, if I meet someone else on the spectrum, or even see soemone else autistic, I don't have to be obsessed. It's automatic. I suddenly start stimming more, what verbal and processing skills I do have go downhill, I flap more, senstivities and mannerisms become more pronounced.....all from seeing an autistic kid walk through my workplace (for example).

It's like all the normal facade (well, what there is of it) drops off instantly. I feel happier and more myself this way, almost giddy, but it can take a while to wear off. Now I sound like soem sort of a mental case, huh?

acting lessons....that should help

and if it doesn't

no loss, no gain
(which can be interpreted as NO loss (who cares?) No gain (so what?)
or the real meaning
without LOSS of something, there is no GAIN of anything

maybe i'm incorrect..and ifso please correct me

just a thought